Every year, parents all across America spend countless hours researching the right educational options for their children. Should they send their kids to public school, to be afforded a widely diverse education? Or should they attend private school, where they might have opportunities made available that they couldn't find anywhere else? Maybe homeschooling is best, allowing the parent and child to create a customized educational plan, based on the child's intended future occupation.
Whatever choice they make, most parents will have put a lot of thought into their options, doing their best to set their child on the right track, the most nurturing track that will also challenge the child to grow. If there are any special circumstances to consider, the decision is that much more challenging. Parents, however, are up to the challenge... anything to help their kid get a leg up in the world.
This was the case when I was looking for the best way for my 12 year old, Abriella, to be educated. She had been homeschooled most of her life, but always with the option to attend school whenever she chose. We are fortunate to have many incredible schooling options available in our little part of the world, so whatever she chooses will be a good choice. We looked at the public school her brother attends, evaluated a few local homeschool co-ops, and looked at a couple of nearby private schools, and she felt drawn to a hybrid school option. This option would allow her to attend campus 3 days a week, and homeschool the rest of the week, giving her time to dive deeply into the subject she is passionate about, the arts.
I put in the application on a Friday afternoon, paying whatever fees were due upon application. Abriella was so excited over this school; the plan was that her very best friend would also enroll in this school, and they would be able to spend even more hours together, attending the same classes and working on homework together.
Financially, it would be a stretch, as I became a widow at the age of 37, and I have 3 children. But, like most parents, I would move heaven and earth for my children, and I knew I could stretch the budget just a bit more, finding odd jobs that would allow me to bring in extra money to cover the difference.
The following week, the school Abriella was set to attend had another open house, to bring in more prospective new students. Abriella asked if we could go, because she had a friend interested in the school, and wanted to show them how awesome she thought it was. I agreed because I wanted her to hold on to that excitement, knowing it can be fleeting for pre-teens.
While at the open house, a couple of the women in charge seemed to be acting strange, more distant than they had when we spoke before. I brushed it off, assuming that they were just incredibly busy with the task at hand.
Several days after the open house, I got a text from the woman in charge of the homeschool co-op my daughter was attending at the time (this woman was going to start working for the hybrid school). It asked if we could set up a time to talk. I was at work, but my anxiety always kicks in when people say something to like that to me. I said, "Let me step away from my desk, and we can talk now."
I called her once I got in my car. She had always seemed friendly enough, though I didn't know her well. I knew we attended the same church, but it's a large church, so it's easy to be there and not really know everyone. She spoke up, hesitant, as if she were afraid to say what was on her mind.
"We don't think your lifestyle is a good fit for the hybrid school, so Abriella isn't welcome to enroll," she said.
I stopped, not completely sure what she was saying. "My lifestyle?"
"Yes, your homosexual lifestyle."
Now, remember, I had been a widow for over a year at this point, and not had any intention of being in a relationship with anyone, so I was baffled. I had been married to a man for 19 and a half years prior to his death. Beyond that, though, they were actually saying that *if a child has a gay parent, they are not welcome at the school*.
The woman saying this knew my child was over the moon about this school. She knew this school meant everything to a kid who had already lost so much the day her dad died. But she didn't care - she had taken some comments from my Facebook page and used those to say that my child was deemed unfit to be around the children in that school. To say that I was livid would be a gross understatement.
After several phone calls, it was obvious that their minds had been made up without ever asking who I am, or what type of "lifestyle" I was living. When I called them out for gossiping and passing judgements, they began backtracking, saying that it would be fine for my daughter to attend their school.
I was torn. I hate to admit that, but I was. See, I was livid that this was their belief and their stance... I wanted nothing to do with them. That they could treat people like this, under the guise of their narrow view of who and what God is, turned my stomach.
On the other hand, my child wanted this school, wanted to be with her friends. And she had already lost so much, I considered sacrificing my beliefs so she could still have those relationships. But this didn't sit well with me. Finally, I realized, I needed to tell her what they believed, how narrow they were. If she still wanted to go, I would allow it. I would not force my beliefs on her.
We were driving home after a late rehearsal for whatever show she happened to be in at the time. I told her, quite honestly and with no added emotion, exactly what had been said. I didn't even get to finish, I didn't even get to ask her if she still wanted to go. My loving child was outraged, rightfully so.
"Wait, so none of my friends who are gay would be welcome there?! If we had a performance, and i wanted to invite my friends, those people would judge them just because they are gay?! There is NO way I want to go to that school! I can just be homeschooled again!"
This child made me so proud in that moment. There was no second-guessing... there was right and wrong, and she was going to do the right thing, even if it meant giving up the opportunity to go to school with her closest friends.
A couple of weeks later, she was still bothered by their closed-mindedness. Our pastor had just spoke about people who judge and exclude others, and it struck a chord with this child. She wrote a letter and brought it to me, asking me to mail it to the board of that school. I was stunned; it wasn't enough for her to fade into the background and step away quietly... No, she wanted to evoke change, or give them something to think about, at the very least. This 12 year old has more integrity and strength than most adults.
Her letter read:
Dear ***** Administration,
My name is Abriella. I was going to attend ***** this fall, but because of prejudices that your staff has, I chose not to go to *****.
I want to let you know why I couldn't go to your school. It's wrong to exclude people just because they're different from you. God loves everyone and doesn't want anyone left out of a great opportunity just because they are different. When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment is were, he said to love God and to love your neighbor. He didn't give excuses or reasons to pick and choose - He wanted us to love all.
At church our pastor talked about the "theys."
"They" say you don't belong because...
"They" say you aren't good enough because...
You became a "they" when you said that Christian children with Christian LGBT parents don't belong, and that's not right.
I hope that you will take this experience and try to be more kind to others, and try to be more like Jesus to people who are different. God has such a big imagination to give us so much diversity - we should always see the beauty in it and love others.
Respectfully,
Abriella
I know some adults look at the children and teens if today, and they are worried for our future... but I look at kids like my daughter, and feel the future is in good hands.
