“She’s Basically Half-Dolphin”: 40 Things Couples Realized Only After Marriage

She procrastinates cleaning until the task becomes unnecessarily difficult, which means she takes forever to clean, which means she hates cleaning, which makes her procrastinate. She also talks in her sleep, and that can be pretty funny sometimes. "If my pants have two holes in them, why are three parts of me tired?" 

My wife cannot read an analog watch / clock for time. Married 4 years, been together 7 years total, and somehow that came up only a month ago when I asked for the time off a watch during a power outage.

I don't give her a hard time about it, but that was a fun fact to learn

My wife is allergic to all artificial sweeteners. During the second night of our honeymoon we decided to stay in and get some takeout. My beverage of choice at the time was Crystal Light Raspberry Ice which contains aspartame. While we were eating she wasn't thinking and she asked for a sip. About 5 minutes later she became extremely ill and started having issues breathing. After a few minutes she read the ingredients on my beverage and yelled at me "I AM ALLERGIC TO ASPARTAME!!!". Me...being the loving new husband I am yelled back "SINCE WHEN!? YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT!" She never bothered to tell me because she grew up in a household with no artificial sweeteners because she was allergic. 

That he plays video games. For 10-15 hours a day.

Even when he married. And has kids. And has a full time job.

With marriage counseling he cut back to five hours a day. It’s now (year 22) back up to about 7 hours a day on weekdays.

I never knew marriage was going to be this lonely.

My wife informed me that she could not have children AFTER we got married.
This mad me sad.
Being able to prove her wrong made me happy.

He likes to eat fish.

Somehow in our six years of dating, I got it into my head that he didn't like to eat seafood. My parents would cook dinner and invite him, and I'd constantly tell my mom, "No, can you make something else? He doesn't eat fish."

My husband loves most seafood, with the singular, random exception of coconut shrimp. We joke about that to this day, that I unintentionally kept him from some of his favorite foods without so much as a conversation about it.

That's a lighthearted answer. I'm sure there are many more. Eleven years in and we are still learning things about one another.

My husband and I dated for 3 years before we got married. After more than a year of marriage, he let slip that he is lactose intolerant. He knew that I absolutely love ice cream and we would frequently get ice cream on our dates. But he never wanted me to know about the lactose intolerance so that I could be happy with my ice cream.

She’s always leaving the lids on everything un-screwed, and guess who is always breaking jars because he always picks everting thing up using the lid?

She is a bit of a genius when it comes to finances. No complaints.

She changed a whole lot after the wedding. From wanting kids to not, from hating her parents and the way they treated other people to siding with them (her mom was a nurse who constantly talked about patients negatively and her dad was an entitled business owner who tried to run people off the road constantly, awful road rage. They both were the type of "Christians" that give the whole religion a bad name.) She ended up remarrying one of my old college buddies shortly after the divorce.

Been with my husband for 9 years total, married for 2. Just last week, found out he doesn’t care for bubble wrap. I. was. shook. When I found out, he asked me “why do you think I always gave you the bubble wrap when I had it?” Well it’s because I thought you loved me and wanted me to enjoy it more! I feel betrayed!

He dunks his Oreos in water instead of milk. I still don’t know why. No, he is not lactose intolerant, and no, he wasn’t poor growing up. He’s not a vegan. And we had milk in the house when I caught him doing this. He just prefers to dunk his Oreos in water.

That he lives and breathes sports. I knew he *liked* sports when we were dating, but I didn't realize that's *all* he liked. I didn't know he would rather watch football games on Sundays than go to family dinners or anywhere else. I didn't realize he wouldn't want to watch anything but sports on tv. I didn't know that he would want to play or watch basketball/football/baseball/golf every waking moment.

I Didn't Know He Would Prefer Sports to Sex. I was gobsmacked.

When my mom and dad got married, she didn’t know that he didn’t have his front teeth until the morning after the wedding. He was wearing dentures, and I guess she just never saw him take em out. YIKES

That she sneezes like she trying to scare the s**t out of you (scream sneeze). I’m still not used to it now (ten years later). F**k, it’s loud as hell. Our poor daughter gets scared and says mommy you’re too loud. But in public she “can hold it back.”

That she was adopted.

In fairness, she didn't know either.

That he would make a fantastic father.

We were both on the same page in a newspaper. It was found a couple years after we were married.

A friend of mine eventually told his now wife that he didn't actually know French.

He had been teaching her jibberish phrases.

That I am solely responsible for her dreams, and I don't mean the want to have kids one day kind (have those)

I mean the type where she wakes me at 3 am and begins the conversation with "You wouldn't let me have the f*****g window seat" because apparently in her dream I wouldn't swap seats with her on the plane.

She was mad at me for at least a week, this sort of thing has happened a few times .