“He Said He Regretted It”: 49 People Who Gave Cheaters A Second Chance Shared What Happened

Probably gonna get attacked for being brave here but I was the cheater.

It was stupid, I regretted it immediately. Came home crying and told her immediately. She was afraid of change I think but whatever the reason she chose to forgive me and said as long as I always tell her, it's our battle to fight.

She didn't trust me at first but I deleted a lot of apps on my phone, got a full STD screening, installed a screen monitoring app for her, and signed up for a church group. It took a while for her to trust me again. But it never happened again and I'm proud of that.

We didn't escape unscathed. But we are healing. Why did she forgive me? I'll honestly never know, but she says it's because she saw who I wanted to be, and that it didn't match what happened, and largely because I told her immediately and she didn't have to find out later.

For any men who struggle with even the idea of infidelity. Get help. Willpower doesn't work. For any dishonest men trying to hide. Either clean yourself up or just leave. She doesn't deserve this. No one does.

The first time? I justified it. I didn’t find proof of a physical affair, only sexting. We had a 13 month old baby and I was a stay at home mom. I had no self esteem, I felt isolated from everyone but him, and the good parts of the relationship were really good. He took care of me.

Subsequent times? I never fully forgave him. It festered. I never trusted him again and he proved me right at every turn. I was scared to leave. I had two babies, I was a stay at home mom, no one around me knew how bad the infidelity was- everyone always sang his praises how good he was to me/what a good dad he was. I felt like no one else would ever want me, I was gross and used and ugly. I channeled a lot of my energy into my kids. It hurt less because my identity was less “wife” and more “mom”. And the good times were so good. He took me to NYC to eat at Le Bernardin and to to see Chicago on broadway. We went to Jamaica for my 30th birthday. He took me on a cruise, bought me a minivan, told me he loved me, became my whole social and emotional anchor, it was amazing when it was good.

I convinced myself the good outweighed the bad. Then when it didn’t, I convinced myself that at least I was comfortable and he was providing for the family, then when that stopped working, I finally gave up. It took me 10 years to give up.

Divorce is finalized in April and I move out then into my own house. I can’t wait. I’ll never forgive cheating again, and honestly, I can’t see myself bothering to get married ever again.

I took my husband back because we had a one year old and after being separated for 6 months - he said he regretted it and wanted us to try again. So I gave him a try. It all seemed fine - we even had a second child but he cheated again with the same woman and that was final straw.

Ive been cheated on in most of my relationships. Almost always gave a second chance but the older I got the more I realized the “mistake” excuse doesn’t work. It isn’t a mistake or an accident. You quite literally have to go out of your way to cheat. There are a lot of decisions being made to get to that point. Plus, even if you forgive, it is always in the back of your head for the rest of the relationship and I never want that lingering over me again.

1) Kids - We had a young family. I was terrified if we split she’d move them back to her home town which was across the country. Without kids, she would have been kicked to the curb.

2) Her Effort - I loved her and she seemed shattered and very remorseful. I was distancing myself but she was the one who was begging me. She walked into her affair partner’s house and told his wife face to face. She went to therapy. If I had to even think of convincing her to stay with me it would have been over.

3) Her Commitment - She signed a post-nup and showed me she wanted to stay for me and not my finances. She could have walked out the door with half of everything, but instead signed away the house and every penny I had or would donate to her savings.

It’s been 23 years together and 17 years since the affair. It wasn’t easy, and it raises it head at times but staying was the right decision for me.

Never been cheated on (that I know of anyway), but my best friend told me, "it's cheaper than a divorce and fighting for my kids. If I'm still mad about it when the kids are 18, I'll leave."

Sad, really.

We haven’t had to face it in our own marriage but I’m an oldster and have seen enough of life to believe there are a lot of factors outside of the act of sleeping with someone else that impacts if the other partner can forgive. Because there is a world of difference between ‘I slept with someone I met at the hotel on my work trip’ and ‘I’ve spent years building layers of deception to carry on an affair with one of your good friends. Oh and the whole community knows about it except you’ both are cheating but I’ve watched couples navigate both and it’s often not the act of cheating that’s difficult to forgive but the consistent decisions to lie and knowingly set your spouse up to be humiliated.

Because we had a 4 month old baby and the thought of sharing custody made me sick. I couldn’t stand the thought of ever having to be away from my baby, especially for a reason that was no fault of my own. It took a long time for the resentment to fade, but we were able to overcome it, and it never happened again (it’s been almost 14 years).

My father in law cheated on my mother in law for my wife’s entire childhood. Not sure why, but she never divorced him. Eventually, he got his life together and they got back together for a good 13 years. Then he did it again and abandoned all of us for his mistress’s family. Sometimes narcissists never change.

We just talked it out. We had a long relationship already. He was sorry. We did therapy for a few years and made it through. We celebrated 44 years the other day.

I thought I loved him too much to break up with him. Turns out I was just afraid of change. Broke up a few months later. Best thing I ever did. Met my now husband shortly after and we have a toddler and another baby on the way.

I felt like I had no other option. It was a toxic relationship and we had a kid together. She was very neglectful with our son (not feeding him enough, locking him in his room if he was crying, barely engaging with him at all). I was afraid that she'd get custody of him if we broke up, so I had no choice but to stay in that relationship. I "forgave" her basically for my own peace of mind. Of course, once she figured out that she could cheat on me without consequences, she did it again... And again... And again.

The other side of that situation is that she was actually going through some deep mental health struggles. She refused treatment and "self-medicated" with alcohol. So, obviously, she got worse and worse. Eventually she realized that she wasn't able to take care of our son and she told me that, if we ever broke up, I should get custody. I broke up with her the next day.

I stayed because I've been the cheater and had wished I had gotten a second chance. It never turned out great for me, because it wasn't a mistake in decisions, it was a problem with character.

The problem with cheating is that it isn't a single act. Its a series of small actions that eventually lead the the physical cheating or even emotional. I've stayed with partners who have done that and then I have been the one who did it. The hardest part is getting past the fact that the person committing the infidelity could have said no at any of the small decisions and didn"t. In the end you just weren't important enough. Now there is true remorse, but most times people are just sorry that they got caught.

2 years in she had an affair. On the first court date we talked outside and accepted trying to work through it. I landed up forgiving her 7-8 years later. We celebrated our 25th last year and have a great life with amazing kids now.

She explained she was just really stressed and needed to feel special she had never done it before and just wanted to know how it would feel. I didnt want to speak to her ever again tbh but then I remember all the goods times we've had together and I knew as long as I took control she wouldn't do it again. Monopoly is still a touchy subject in our house.

We were having serious issues. I was in no way perfect in the relationship. I ignored the issues she was bringing up because they were not issues to me. She cheated and left. I realized what I lost after she was gone. Years later she reached out, I was still single (I love fully and completely, and wasn't over her even years later, so didn't want to be involved with anyone else in that state)

We talked for a long long time over text, where we worked a lot of things out. I was not kind. She was humble and accepted responsibility. I didn't intend on getting back together with her. We slowly started seeing each other in person again, Platonicly, but there was an obvious tension.


After a long talk with my oldest and most trusted friend who knew the entire story and history, he put it to me bluntly.
"You still love her, you have never moved on. If you don't give it another try I think you will have regret for the rest of your life"

I made a few rules and demands that in hindsight was petty and unnecessary, but she agreed and followed through. One demand was that she admitted to our mutual friends and family members what actually happened to end our relationship. I regret putting her through that, having to shame herself to our friends and family but at the time it seemed so important to me.

We have a 12 year old together now, and I'm step dad to a 17 year old the child she had with the guy she cheated on me with. I'm more of a dad and role model to my step child than their biological dad has ever been. He is in their life, but just barely.

Occasionally I have trust issues, but they are my issues to deal with. If I ever request I can view her phone, computer and anything else, but I have never felt the need to.

I guess that's a long way to say I realized I wasn't meeting her needs, and didn't realize how important those needs were to her. She found someone who told her they would meet all of the needs I wasn't and she decided she needed to explore that. I wasn't a good and fair partner, I didn't cause her to cheat but I didn't actively try and meet her needs that she was expressing to me constantly. To be fair to myself, she was also not meeting the needs I had.

We were with the right person but at the wrong time. We learned independently what we needed and could offer and somehow found our way back together when we were in a place to provide that for each other.

I asked my mom if staying with a cheating man was a Latino thing… (I was young, it’s what I saw around me and yes that’s exactly how I phrased it). She said “It is not about the man, the man is not the prize… but the other woman can not be allowed to win”.

My mom is a very complicated, very wise, and very much a product of doing what you gotta do to survive a civil war. I am 100 years PAST ever attempting to unravel the logic behind her thinking. She did not grow up in the world that made sense. She grew up in a world with enemy lines. And love is war!!

I was a sucker with no self-esteem.

Because at the time I was in no position to leave. I had a small child. Lived on the opposite side of the country from my family. Ended up with some health problems that I'm glad I was still under his health insurance for.

But, when he cheated again a few years later, I was better able to say I was done. Although, because I wouldn't forgive him again, he ended everything before I could. I'm better off without him.

I did once, because she said it was a mistake and she was *really sorry*.

Then she did it again and that was that.