They say time heals all wounds, but sometimes people pick at them before they're sealed, and the bleeding starts all over again. A woman was recently celebrating her ruby wedding anniversary, and she and her husband had thrown a party for their friends and family.
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Everything was going fine until her brother decided to make a speech. With the mic in his hands, he told everyone a story he thought was entertaining, but it was actually the woman's most traumatic memory, and ruined the entire night for her.
Some horrific memories keep haunting us long after the traumatic experience is over
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Even though entire decades have passed, this woman just cannot forget what she considers the worst day of her life
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For many, traumatic feelings are a constant part of our lives
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Psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW, says childhood family trauma can leave long-lasting effects as it reshapes our sense of self, relationships, and even our worldview.
"The impact of trauma is far-reaching, manifesting in myriad symptoms including anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and emotional numbness," she writes.
"Many times, these feelings will come flooding back the moment we feel a hint of anything that reminds us of the helpless and hopeless feelings from our childhood," explains Gillis, author of Breaking the Cycle: the 6 Stages of Healing from Childhood Family Trauma.
It's easy to tell the woman to just "get over it," and after reading her story, many Reddit users did. But that's not how things work.
This prompts our body's natural fight-or-flight reaction, which secretes massive amounts of stress hormones to save us from the perceived danger. "As much as we would like to be 'healed' and be done with it, trauma does not work like that. The truth is that we never really get over it. Our mind and body do not forget."
As a result, anything that reminds us of our trauma might feel life-threatening, at least to our brain. "Holiday music, important birthdays or anniversaries, the familiar smell of the ocean or a certain perfume—any number of small triggers can activate that trauma response in us, bringing our brains back to that of a small child trying to cope with their stressful environment," Gillis says.
Healing from trauma isn't a linear process
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It's impossible to predict how and when someone will hear about their trauma, as progress might include setbacks.
"You don't wake up one day and the pain is all gone. Much like those who have experienced healing from a broken bone, you will have days when you feel occasional emotional aches and pains, and wounds can be reinjured," Gillis said.
"There may be moments of profound clarity and insight, followed by periods of intense emotional upheaval. Triggers, reminders of the trauma that evoke strong emotional reactions, can lurk around every corner, catching survivors off guard and sending them spiraling back into the depths of despair."
Despite all of the challenges, the psychotherapist says healing is possible. But the author of this Reddit post isn't there yet.
A lot of people who read the woman's story blamed her for refusing to look at the experience from her brother's point of view
Some, however, had a different opinion
