Grown Up Children Share 30 Things They Are Proud Their Parents Taught Them

We reached out to Priya Doshi, mother and creator of the blog How To Be A Positive Parent, to hear what the best thing her parents instilled in her was. "My late father encouraged me to be self-reliant. He also taught me to have self-belief. He would always say to me that it is okay to lose belief in others but never lose belief in yourself," Priya shared. "My mother has taught me to have faith in the universe. Faith can move mountains and also provide consolation in tough times."

We also asked Priya why it's important for parents to make an effort to teach their children, rather than just letting them figure things out on their own. "Parents are powerful role models for their children. So parents are in the best position to teach their children," Priya explained. "If kids are left to learn things on their own, there is no guarantee that they will learn them or by the time they figure things out, they might be in their adulthood and unwilling to change themselves. Children are the future and therefore the future hinges on what their parents have taught them."

Next, we asked Priya what the most important things are that she wants her children to learn from her. "I want my kids to learn to be self-reliant and resilient like me. I want them to have faith that the universe will always look after them, just like I do," she said. Lastly, Priya wanted to add that, "A parent can make or break a child’s life. It is a position of power and privilege and should be used wisely."

If you're interested in more words of wisdom from Priya, be sure to check out her blog How To Be A Positive Parent right here.

All parents know that they signed up to be feeding, clothing, housing and loving their children, but there is so much more that goes into raising compassionate, curious, ambitious individuals. Not every parent has the luxury of spending plenty of “quantity time” with their kids, as working demanding jobs to provide for the family is unfortunately a common position for moms and dads to find themselves in, but not every lesson has to be a formal discussion. Some beliefs and ideas are instilled in children just by observation. After all, actions do speak louder than words.   

In fact, observational learning is a common way for all people to learn, especially kids. According to psychologist Albert Bandura, humans are “naturally inclined to engage in observational learning”, and most of us begin imitating behaviors and actions we see when we’re only two years old. In his book Social Learning Theory, Bandura wrote that, “Most human behavior is learned observationally through modeling: from observing others one forms an idea of how new behaviors are performed, and on later occasions, this coded information serves as a guide for action."

People are constantly learning by example, especially children who want to understand everything about the world, like their parents appear to. Bandura noted in his theory that there are even certain factors that make us more likely to observe and imitate someone else’s behavior. Among the people we are more inclined to mimic are: individuals we view as warm or nurturing, people who are rewarded for their behavior, people in authoritative positions, people who we share similarities with (age, sex, interests, etc), and people we admire or who have a high status in society. 

We also are more likely to imitate a certain behavior when we have seen rewards for imitating the same actions in the past, when we are lacking confidence in our own abilities or knowledge, and when we are in a confusing or unfamiliar situation. We look around for answers of how to act or behave, and our instincts take over. This puts parents in a unique position where they can teach their children anything they want, but they also have the pressure of essentially being constantly observed.  

The great thing about observational learning is that it can be a way for children to learn without having to listen. Watching a parent eat broccoli and enjoy it will probably have a much more positive effect than hearing a parent explain why kids really should be eating broccoli because it’s good for them. Most of the time, a child does not care if a food is “good for them”. In fact, that might make them less interested when something is sold that way because what they want to know is that it tastes delicious. But watching how much their parents enjoy the vegetable without hearing a lesson about getting enough fiber every day might encourage a kid to eat a few pieces the next time it’s presented at dinner. Mimicking their parents' behavior does come naturally, after all.  

Observational behavior can be used for many more lessons than the value of eating vegetables. Some of the replies featured on this list mention parents who were always quick to apologize or own up to their mistakes. These are powerful lessons for children to pick up on as well. By seeing a parent admit when they are wrong, these kids learned something that many full-grown adults still struggle with. Kids assume that their parents know how to appropriately respond to any situation, so by seeing examples of humility and heartfelt apologies, children understand that they should do the same. Similarly, parents who work hard and have a great work ethic will be watched by their kids. It is much more powerful to see examples of dedication and commitment to tasks, hobbies and relationships than to simply hear that you should give everything your all.  

One of the reasons that it is so important for parents to instill valuable lessons into their children is that it is so much harder to learn when we get older. When a kid goes 18 years without ever being asked how their day was, that is likely not going to be a habit they pick up overnight. Once a young person has left the nest, there are so many new things to worry about like paying bills and maintaining adult relationships, they should not have to use that time to learn how to process their emotions as well. When it comes to emotional availability, adults that grew up stunted in the realm of emotional intelligence can have a very hard time catching up. On the contrary, kids that grow up in households where emotions are discussed and validated tend to become much more empathetic adults.  

Raising an empathetic person is the goal of every parent right? It may not always be at the top of the priority list, but nobody wants a child who has no regard for the feelings of others. (Unless you’re a supervillain trying to raise your successor…) To help parents understand how to foster empathy in their little ones, mother and author of the book The Happy Kid Handbook: How to Raise Joyful Children in a Stressful World Katie Hurley wrote a piece for Positive Parenting Solutions outlining her best tips. Number one being validating a range of emotions. “If kids are to care about the feelings of others, they need to achieve self-awareness of their own feelings,” Katie writes. Making it a habit to ask your kids how they are feeling and assuring them that you understand can go a long way. Kids need to have names for their emotions and know that it is healthy to take time to feel a wide range of emotions, rather than trying to conceal anything or shut down. When they feel safe to share with their parents, they will learn how to make others feel safe to open up to them too.

Katie’s next tip is to talk about difficult subjects with kids. Don’t try to shield them from everything. It can be daunting to bring up topics like school shootings, war and racism with kids who have not seen very much injustice in the world yet, but it is important to bring up sensitive topics in a safe environment. “Talking to kids about global issues and tragic stories actually opens the door to empathic thinking,” Katie explains. “When we hide the truth, we send the message that these things don’t matter. When we engage in meaningful (and age-appropriate) conversation, we plant the seeds of empathy.”