#1
When he asked me out, i immediately said no, told him why, and snipped at him that there are women in a specialized, yet taboo industry that can/will happily meet his physical transactional preferences without the gentlemen expectation.
He looked mortified, then asked me not to disclose his perspectives to any of the other women in the workplace...i informed every single female in the building and warned them to steer clear of him...7 months later, he SAd a receptionist that went on a date with him!
What's on your "list"? Or do you not have one? Some people swear by writing down the qualities they're looking for in a partner, while others just go with the flow.
Many dating experts believe that lists can be a good thing. They help us to be more intentional, which can save a lot of time, effort and heartbreak in today's fast-paced, digital-led dating world.
"I’ve seen it happen time and time again in my work in which a client gets so swept up in all the excitement of a new person or 'situationship' that they lose sight of the things they really want in a relationship or know are good for them," says Leah Aguirre, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and psychotherapist.
However, the expert adds that it’s easy to become blinded when there is intense chemistry or a new person seemingly “checks all the boxes.”
#2
#3
Every hormone I had fell immediately off my body.
Often, people make the mistake of being too "shallow," when it comes to creating their lists. Yes, maybe you prefer someone with blue eyes and blonde hair, or a tall, dark and handsome dude. But it's important to go beyond looks, careers and money. Focus instead on the traits you'd like your ideal partner to have.
Consider how you would like to feel in a relationship, advises Aguirre. She adds that while no relationship is perfect, you should generally feel good or happy and not anxious or miserable.
"In a healthy relationship, you should feel like you can be yourself and express your feelings and needs," explains Aguirre. "You should feel seen and heard. You should feel confident that you can work through conflict and have difficult conversations. You should also feel secure."
#4
#5
#6
We hadnt even been there more than five minutes before my date was subtly talking down to the waitress and made such a grossly unkind comment about her appearance as she walked away (within earshot) that I immediately let them know that I wasnt comfortable associating with anyone who could treat a stranger with that kind of disregard. I asked them to leave, loose my number and wished them luck in their endeavors and canceled our order. I'll never forget the waitress brought me ice cream afterwards. I'll never forget their walk of shame out of the restaurant (I had a window seat of course), I remember they werent even angry, just embarassed. Sadly, I think they were trying to show off. Lack of empathy on the first date takes bravado, it was a huge red flag.
Some experts believe we should throw away our lists altogether. And there are several reasons: Your list is might be too long, or it might have what you think you want instead of what you really need.
"I will often see couples like this who end up in therapy because they decided to get married because their partner checked all of their boxes, and it seemed like it was the right age to get married and settle down or felt pressure," reveals one of the therapists at the Center for Modern Relationships.
They go on to explain that many of these couples failed to look for the important qualities in each other before getting married. For example, shared values, personality, mutual respect, attraction, and a genuine fondness for each other.
#7
It's not even the car itself, or our differing priorities. He just couldn't accept that other people feel different than I am. I'm not hand holding someone through the basics of being human.
#8
#9
The center's experts say that it's better to trust your gut than to rely on a list that limits you.
"When we weed out so many potential partners due to a check-list, you could be missing out on an opportunity to connect with someone who’s really amazing and may challenge you in a meaningful way," they warn. "So please, don’t date someone just because they 'check the boxes,' and don’t partner with someone just because it seems like everyone else is."
The therapists add that remaining curious and open-minded (whether you're single or in a relationship) is one of the keys to a happy life.
#10
Next guy was a foot shorter and did not have that kind of fancy resume, but he has a beautiful voice and I married him.
#11
#12
The team over at Thought Catalog tend to agree.
"We sometimes have a list that we can’t even measure up to," they caution. "When you meet someone who does not follow your list but at the same time you can’t find something wrong with them or pinpoint anything that noticeably stands out to you; that’s when you should just trust your gut and throw your list away."
#13
....he was a white supremacist. Noped right out of there.
#14
#15
Because I didn't want to commute in the absolute hell of a storm we were having & also I didn't want to ruin my hair ( curly hair ladies iykyk) first was the pressure to come out , politely said no and He went on and on about how I was missing out, how great he was and I would regret it. It was the grossest adult tantrum I've ever seen. That reschedule turned into a hard no. I have never been so turned off so quickly!
Glad I passed on this 'opportunity of a lifetime'.
Lucie Ebnerova, dating coach and founder of Luvidya, believes it's better to have a wish list rather than a checklist for your future relationship.
"This list should be open-ended and focused on your desire, not your demand," advises the dating expert.
As an example, she says, you could write: "I would love to live a family life and I’m open to having children with a loving partner, ready to invest in a relationship and we have amazing communication."
#16
Me and my lady neck-beard doffed our fedora and continued on our way.
#17
I’ve never dipped from someone’s life so fast.
#18
Ebnerova agrees that your checklist might be blinding you to the perfect person sitting right in front of you.
"Open yourself to diverse possibilities. Expand your circles and be open to meeting different kinds of people. You might be surprised by unexpected connections," the expert suggests. "Focus on fostering positive connections. Make people feel valued and appreciated in your presence. Even if they’re not your 'one,' they might introduce you to someone who is!"
Do you have a "list"? If so, what does it include? Let us know in the comments below...
#19
#20
On paper, exactly what I was looking for.
But when someone would do something in a board game that he deemed illogical, he'd get irate about trying to convince them they were wrong. Particularly when it disrupted whatever he had planned out several moves ahead. He's take it like a personal attack.