According to legal consultant, communication coach and author David Parnell, being a people's person on the surface seems like a combination of features such as having a good personality or being a good listener, but when you start to look closer at what actually makes one likable, you notice that more often than not, these attributes come in the form of effective, accurate and persuasive communication.
Which is exactly what the subreddit r/SocialSkills is all about. As the moderators of this online community say, it's "a place to share your favorite social skills tips, ask for advice, or offer encouragement to others on their social skills journey." Since its creation in 2009, the subreddit has grown to a 2.7 million-big army and has collected plenty of useful information. Here are some of its most-upvoted posts.
#21
You don’t need to win every banter. Take things lightly and have fun while accepting defeat. It makes you look humble, secure and more likeable overall whereas fighting constantly makes you look super insecure and intimidated.
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21points
#22
If you are scared of talking to new people because they might think you're weird: if you are friendly to them and they think you're weird or act cold towards you, THEY are the weird ones and it should not matter at that point regarding how they see you.
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15points
#23
I just got a tip for all y’all guys struggling with dating.
So many guys make it their main goal to not act awkward. This takes away their confidence and restricts there personality. Confidence is the number one priority and holding back your personality shows a lack of confidence even if you aren’t being akward. If you take risks and try and be outgoing despite acting awkward, girls will like that way better because it makes you come off like you’re trying and you’re at least confident enough to take risks.
So many guys make it their main goal to not act awkward. This takes away their confidence and restricts there personality. Confidence is the number one priority and holding back your personality shows a lack of confidence even if you aren’t being akward. If you take risks and try and be outgoing despite acting awkward, girls will like that way better because it makes you come off like you’re trying and you’re at least confident enough to take risks.
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15points
#24
Being well-dressed, having a good haircut (if you have hair), and looking after your hygiene are the first things you should be doing.
I'm a 37 year old man with ADHD. I've been struggling my entire life to make and retain friends, impress women, and not be a complete train wreck in social settings.
I'm a 37 year old man with ADHD. I've been struggling my entire life to make and retain friends, impress women, and not be a complete train wreck in social settings.
But instead of sharing my tales of woe, I am simply going to jump right into the remedy:
Invest time into your appearance.
Here's what happens: people notice you unconsciously. If they like what they see, YOU will feel that unconsciously. You will simply feel better around people, they'll like you more, and you'll be extended more grace in social settings.
What you want is low-cost passive advantages. You want an avalanche of those advantages, so that practice becomes a natural by-product of your existence.
This is my daily bathroom routine:
floss
brush with whitening toothpaste
rinse with whitening mouthwash
wash face deeply
moisturize
It takes around 10 minutes. I try to do it twice but I never do it less than once per day.
If I'm going out, I consider who I might see or who I might want to interact with. I think about how they'll be dressed. I try to style myself to look like the guys that will be there but with enough attention to detail that I'll stand out (ie. clothes that fit properly and match).
For a haircut, I just ask for something that looks modern and go every 2-3 weeks.
Bonus: 100% of the things I listed can be bought or at least you can get free advice.
Example: walk into a decent clothing store and tell them you want a few shirts and a pair of pants that fit. It's literally their job to help you and if you're embarrassed about asking, who f**king cares because they're never going to remember you anyway.
Same for haircut. Just tell them you want something that looks good.
For hygiene, just go to a skin care store and ask. Once again, give zero f**ks because they'll never remember you anyway.
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13points
#25
If you feel uncomfortable telling people whats going on in your life you don't have to . You owe them nothing and they don't care as much as you think.
A lot of times we think we have to be honest but its not necessary. Especially if its a touchy subject or something you'd rather not talk about. For some reason we think we owe them an explanation but they really can't tell how our lives really are.
A lot of times we think we have to be honest but its not necessary. Especially if its a touchy subject or something you'd rather not talk about. For some reason we think we owe them an explanation but they really can't tell how our lives really are.
If say you got fired from a job and someone asks how you're doing you don't have to tell them you got fired. Just be brief like ya everythings good how about you? Most people aren't gonna know whether you're telling the truth or not. Just remember you're not at anyone's mercy. Take control.
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12points
#26
PRO TIP: Don’t concern yourself with being interesting, concern yourself with being interested.
Become interested in the person you are talking to. Ask them about themselves, not just surface questions but really try to engage with them. For example: you have a beautiful house! do you consider this to be your forever home? if you could move anywhere else where would it be?
Become interested in the person you are talking to. Ask them about themselves, not just surface questions but really try to engage with them. For example: you have a beautiful house! do you consider this to be your forever home? if you could move anywhere else where would it be?
Focus on the other person and it’ll take the load off you. Just my two cents.
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8points
#27
Do you struggle with social anxiety? Go to a concert ALONE.
Find a concert near you for one of your favorite bands. Preferably music that you have a deep connection to and will be excited to see. Take no friends, go completely alone. Move through the crowd as you see fit, dance by yourself, and do nothing but focus on your personal enjoyment of the music.
Find a concert near you for one of your favorite bands. Preferably music that you have a deep connection to and will be excited to see. Take no friends, go completely alone. Move through the crowd as you see fit, dance by yourself, and do nothing but focus on your personal enjoyment of the music.
Putting myself in this anonymous social setting allowed me to explore my social freedom without the fear of judgement. I was no longer worried if my friends thought I was a goofy or bad dancer. Once I learned how to enjoy my own company and let loose, people actually started approaching me! That didnt happen when I was all stiff and pent up.
People would ask me stuff like "what's the song they are playing?" Or "have they played such and such yet?" It was then a lot easier to spark up convo with these people between sets or songs since they had already broken the ice. Guys and girls!
So buy a ticket and get out there. You don't even have to talk to anyone! Just start by getting out and feeling OK being by yourself.
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8points
#28
Wow. I recently learned a social skill that’s made all the difference in my conversations
I joined a professional fraternity this Spring. One of the skills they emphasize is to ask abstract, interesting questions that garner a positive response and could lead to similarities/connections between the two people. Instead of asking boring af questions like “what are you majoring in” or “ where are you from”, ask questions that require more detail such as “ what caused you to major in X” or “ How come you chose to attend Tallahassee/Florida State?” These questions require more than one word answers, and open up doors for more conversation. Perhaps you have something in common that you wouldn’t have known had you not asked. Once you have something in common. Boom. Instant connection. Then you build off that conversation by expanding upon that subject, or switch the conversation if needed. I’ve found that this is the hardest part of 1 on 1 conversation, and once you get past the initial hump of breaking the ice/not making it awkward, it makes the rest of the conversation so much easier.
I joined a professional fraternity this Spring. One of the skills they emphasize is to ask abstract, interesting questions that garner a positive response and could lead to similarities/connections between the two people. Instead of asking boring af questions like “what are you majoring in” or “ where are you from”, ask questions that require more detail such as “ what caused you to major in X” or “ How come you chose to attend Tallahassee/Florida State?” These questions require more than one word answers, and open up doors for more conversation. Perhaps you have something in common that you wouldn’t have known had you not asked. Once you have something in common. Boom. Instant connection. Then you build off that conversation by expanding upon that subject, or switch the conversation if needed. I’ve found that this is the hardest part of 1 on 1 conversation, and once you get past the initial hump of breaking the ice/not making it awkward, it makes the rest of the conversation so much easier.
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8points
#29
When someone insults you, they aren’t insulting YOU. They are insulting their current perception of their understanding of your identity which is NOT you.
I hope you feel more confident now.
I hope you feel more confident now.
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6points
#30
Today I turn 33. Here are 33 lessons I’ve learned about being better with people
1. Dialing up your energy a bit (+10%) when you’re being social makes it easier to have a good time.
2. Being curious will help you be interested in other people.
3. No one can mind-read. They have no clue what you’re thinking. You have no idea what they are thinking.
4. The spotlight effect is real. We all tend to overestimate the amount that other people notice and observe us.
5. It’s possible to view the same event 2 different ways. Ex: You say “Hi”. They brush past you instead of saying “Hi”. Negative view: “They must be mad at me.” Positive view: “They must be preoccupied, they probably didn’t hear me.”
6. First Impressions start BEFORE you open your mouth. Seeming approachable is key…
7. Master the “Resting happy face” = Have a slight smile on your face when you’re out at an event. Studies have shown smiling makes you happier. Which will lead to better interactions.
8. No need to overthink eye contact. Make eye contact for a few seconds, glance away, rinse and repeat.
9. Small talk is necessary. It helps you move from lighter topics to deeper topics so that you can build rapport.
10. During small talk, avoid the “Interrogation trap”. Balance questions with observations. (Great chance to give a meaningful compliment)
11. Keep a running list of social wins.** When you have a great interaction, make people laugh with a joke, etc. Write it down! Next time you’re feeling unsure, Look over your list to remind yourself that you have been successful in the past.
12. Try not to interrupt. If you accidentally interrupt, say “You were saying…” and bring up the last thing they said to get them back on track. (This shows that you were listening…you WERE listening, right?)
13. Listening is SO key. Listen and try to come up with observations and questions that show that you are 100% engaged.
14. Don’t stop listening when you come up with something to say. (I call this the “spring loaded response trap”) Be okay with letting go of what you were going to say…there’s always something else to say.
15. If you notice that the other person is mirroring your body language, that’s a great sign! This means that you two are in rapport and connecting. (You can trigger this by mirroring them a little first)
16. If you remember something cringey you did in the past. Try the 3 Fs: Flush, Fix, Forget. Flush: Take a breath and get some emotional distance from that memory. Fix: Is there anything you can change for next time? If so, make a note. Forget: Give yourself permission to forget it
17. Body Language: In most cases, people could take up more space, gesture more with their hands and stop fidgeting. These signal to others that you’re comfortable with yourself. (Which helps them feel comfortable too)
18. How to be interesting. Develop a wide range of interests. Know a little about a lot. This will make a wide range of topics and conversations 10x easier.
19. Be bold. Don’t wait for people to come to you. Approach people first. Introduce yourself first. Own the interaction.
20. The more comfortable you can make yourself, the more comfortable you can make others. (Important to balance with getting out of your comfort zone and growing as a person though)
21. Prep a quick summary/story from your weekend. People will ask, have something ready.
22. Saying “No” and crafting boundaries is important. People will treat you however you let them. Hard to know if people are stepping over boundaries if you aren’t sure what those boundaries are.
23. Saying “Yes” is important too. Not “Yes” to things you don’t want to do, but yes to new and exciting experiences and
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6points
