30 Of The Most Useful Social Tips That Help You Connect With Others, As Shared By This Online Group

I have recently come to realise that cringing is good.
If you ever think about some of your past mistakes and you start cringing, realise that you are cringing because you now have the insight to do things differently. Acknowledge that you are allowed to make mistakes and celebrate your growth.

If somebody is rude to you, ask them to repeat themselves. Here's why...
"sorry?" "excuse me what was that?" "can you please repeat what you said?" in a calm confused tone

They are most likely to either rephrase what they said or say it in a nicer way.

Most people feel the guilt kick in once they get another chance of repeating what they said before, they get this little feeling of either 'what is wrong in what I said?' or give them a slight realization of 'wait.. There seems to be consequences' .

This also makes the people around look down on the person that was offensive shifting the focus at them once again l.

People who ask you what you were going to say after you're interrupted are the best.
Just had this happen to me and it made me feel like someone actually cares about what I have to say!

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don't even like everybody.
I say this but can't even apply it to myself. What a clown.

If you think you are boring read this
My heart breaks every time I see somebody call themselves boring. You're looking at it all wrong and that's why you still feel the same way. Please read this and I'll try and prove it to you.

People don't care if you're interesting. They care how you make them feel.

Heres a thought experiment. Picture yourself alone at a fancy cocktail party that you have to attend for work. You would like to talk to people but you aren't sure what to say. At different times during the evening two different people approach you and make conversation. Heres how it goes:

Bob approaches you. You find out he just bought a boat. A 35ft with twin engines. He wrecked his old one racing it off of the coast of Portugal last year and almost died. Hes been doing kettle bell workouts to get his body back in shape and its working great. He thinks the wine they served at the cocktail party is s**t and he bets they don't have a single real sommelier in the building. Hes going to do something about that actually, because he knows the guy that owns the place. He leaves his number on a napkin and says lets get coffee before he answers his Bluetooth headset and runs off.

Larry approaches you. He said hes feeling a little shy and he noticed that you were standing there alone. He doesn't care for big parties full of strangers. He asks if you like Dr Who. You arent really but you say you have heard of it and there is an awkward pause. He asks you what you do for fun and you say you love doing archery and renaissance fairs. Hes never done anything like that but hes interested to know more. Do they do those around here? What time of year? Do you have to dress up or can you just go? When's the next one? Larry says if you ever need someome to go with you that hes down and he asks if he can add you on Facebook.

Ok. Who are you going to call? Bob or Larry? Was it more important that they were interesting or was it more important that they were interested in you. You don't have to relate to everything. Fight that urge. Just be interested. If you make somebody else feel interesting, they will think the world of you.

I have cool hobbies. I make knives and tools in my metal shop. I like to take hallucinogens and go to music festivals. I don't talk about them, people dont give a s**t and that doesnt hurt my feelings. Nobody is ever going to get a warm and fuzzy feeling from you because you have cool hobby

Most people are shy when it comes to making friends. Some people do walk around just bored and disinterested in others. Learn to recognize them and pay them no energy.

Take some time to appreciate yourself. Stop calling yourself boring. You arent a f**king jester here to entertain people. Youre an entire human being with just as much validity as anybody else. Love yourself for who you are, and help other people feel good about themselves and you will never feel lonely again.

Just remember to ask "what do you do for fun?"

I stopped letting people walk all over me, and it cost me my entire friend group.

I was friends with these people for 7 years, and was so people pleasing to the point of toxicity. It was exhausting, but I couldn't think of any other way to make and keep friends. One of the girls consistently put me down, with "jokes" that weren't really jokes, and got upset whenever I tried to poke fun at her too. She was extremely stubborn and never admitted that she might have been wrong. I couldn't have a normal conversation with her anymore. She was the "leader", did this with everyone else, too.

Eventually I woke up and started to set boundaries. She didn't like that. Started to distance herself from me, disinvite me from social functions, and talk behind my back. The others would reach out to me individually and I really tried to stay friends with them, but they always hung out in the group setting with the "leader". I eventually faded away. It hurt but maybe it's for the best.

Don't let yourself get walked all over for the sake of having friends. I haven't fully recovered yet, but I know myself enough now to chose people that treat me like a decent human being.

If you are average or less in social skills, DO NOT talk to strangers, this is for advanced social butterflies, but DO THIS INSTEAD
If your goal is to gEt OuT oF yOuR cOmFoRt ZoNe, then sure, go talk to strangers, do bungee jumping, parachute jumping and etc.

But if you want to find friends and build/extend your social circle, then you 100% need to join a hobby group/volunteering/sport groups.

For example, I went to volunteer about the cleaning of a small village. I absolutely had to talk to the other volunteers because we had to collaborate.

Or go join hiking groups. Nothing is more bonding to a group of strangers than spending time with them in complete seclusion in the nature for hours.

I want to thank the kind people of this subreddit who gave me this advice and I am just passing it forward to someone who needs it.

True friends are happy when you improve. Fake friends are afraid.
Reminder.

Know when to stop talking. This is the difference between being an awkward person and an annoying person.
Usually, when people start giving very dry responses, or straight up start to walk away, that means that you’ve been talking for a while. People who are awkward can still function on a social level, because they know when to stop talking. As soon as you start picking up these social cues your world can change.

The biggest lesson I learned this year Is not to force anything. Conversation, love, friendships. Anything that is forced is not worth fighting for. Whatever flows flows, whatever crashes crashes. It is what it is.

If a friend asks you to hang out and you are busy the first couple of times they ask, if you want to hang out with them, take the initiative and suggest a time and date yourself.

This might some kinda obvious but you’d be surprised how often this doesn’t occur to people! The other person has done most of the hard work by showing a willingness to hang out, so if you want to meet them you just need to say when. Don’t just say “I am sure we will find a date soon”, do what you can to make it concrete.

As someone with mild social anxiety, I always appreciate when people do this as it means I know they aren’t just being polite when they say they want to meet up.

“Can I give you my number?” instead of “Can I have your number?”
This is some advice that mostly directed to the guys of this sub.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where many women have to stay on guard to avoid, for lack of a better term, weird perverts and would-be attackers. That is simply a fact. And it needs to be addressed, but this sub isn’t for dismantling the patriarchy.

So, an indirect issue that arises from this much larger issue is the fact that many guys come across as weird and creepy when trying to flirt, even though it may be completely harmless. And that’s why I never ask a girl for her number.

Instead, I ask if I can give her my number.

There’s a very subtle difference between the two and that difference is giving the woman the power to contact you rather than asking for that power yourself. That way, she can politely accept and then decide later if she would actually like to speak to you again or not. Whereas asking for her number really puts her on the spot and, if she says yes, removes her sense of distance simply because you can now contact her at will.

This is how I go about getting into contact with girls I meet and would like to start getting to know better and I’ve found that it generally works a lot more often than asking for their number.

3 Conversational Tricks to Excite Anyone
One of the most common problems people struggle with is conversational skills.

Technology rewires our brains to think in terms of memes, posts, and videos, so we’re losing out on real world talk!

When you struggle with conversational skills, you feel anxious, creating a downward spiral in where you miss out on the meaningful connection you know you need.

Here are 3 antidotes you can use now to make your conversations EXCITING.

Number one: “The Mirror”

This trick is so simple that you won’t believe it until you try it.

When someone finishes saying something, repeat the last 3-5 words they said in the exact same way. I’ve done this for minutes on end, it’s actually hilarious.

Here’s what happens: someone will finish saying something like, “yeah so I really want to travel to Europe.”

Then you repeat: travel to Europe?

And INSTANTLY the person will go, “yeah I wanna [explain reasons here].” You can keep doing this until you find something to add onto.

Why I love it: sometimes I’m tired and just want to listen, and this trick let’s you do just that! It also cuts through surface-level talk and forces people to open up and explain deeper motivations.

Number two: “Bold Statements.”

Now that you’ve got the person opening up, you should be feeling a bit more confident.

At this point, you probably are thinking of some questions to ask them. Problem? Endless questions are SO 1900’s.

Instead of saying, “what do you do for work?” Say: “I think you’re a doctor.”

The recipient will go: “What?!? Why’s that.” Or, your guess will be right, and you’ll blow everyone’s minds!

Then you answer by giving a legitimate reason to back up your statement. For example, “you speak in a very formal & articulate manner which reminds me of my doctor.”

This trick opens up an exciting discussion where you both are operating on a deeper level instead of boring, surface level “What do you do” type questions.

Note: the statement should be at least slightly accurate, and not come off as “judgy.” It should be more fun, and always be a compliment…

Number three: “Share the Love”

Put on a smile because you’re about to spread some good energy. Everyone LOVES praise, so why not give it out, especially when it’s well-deserved?

If someone is cute- tell them. If someone is hilarious- confess it. You’re hurting no one.

As I hinted at you can combine the previous trick with this one. Example:

“Wow, you’re really smart. You must be a doctor or something!” (say with a smile)

The person will blush from happiness, and your guess will either be right and they’ll go “OMG you’re awesome” OR they’ll go, “thank you, I’m actually a [job].”

Then you can use the first tip and go, “oh you’re a [job]” and they’ll start elaborating about the deeper reasons they chose that profession. 📷(:

Now, get out there! This works with everyone- coworkers, family, friends, elevator talks. Go try it!

Does anyone else oscillate between wanting to be invisible and wishing they weren’t so lonely.
There are periods where I really want to make friends and am encouraged to hang out with people and make small talk, but then there are days when I’m really tired and don’t have the energy or interest to have quality conversations and I would really just rather keep to myself.

After those days when I don’t feel like talking or hanging out, having conversations with people feels really awkward and I have a sense of guilt for not having been able to fight through my fatigue in order to talk to them.

You're not alone in feeling alone. 22 percent of millenials say they have "no friends" - 30 percent feel 'lonely'.

If you're struggling with depression or having a hard time making friends, keep in mind that it's not abnormal. It's easy to look at social media and wonder why everyone is having fun except for you - but it's simply not the case.

If you're able to accept that you're struggling and realize it's a normal behavior, it will help you to stop beating yourself up so that you can feel better and begin to make progress.

Why do some people feel the need to comment on how someone is shy or more quiet than others in a public?
I get that comment at work all the time and I’m a nurse..like brah leave me alone...I do my job just fine, I’ve accepted I’m more quiet and have a smaller social circle and I’m fine with it. just bc I’m not outgoing and loud like you doesn’t mean you have to point that out in a group setting. That just makes me more a little insecure and less confident at work like that’s not a compliment in this extroverted world and makes everyone uncomfortable.

It's okay to always be the one to initiate contact with a friend. Just because they don't reach out to you first doesn't mean they don't like you or want to hang out with you.
It's okay to always be that friend who starts up the conversation. Never assume they don't like you or don't want to spend time with you just because they don't text you first or invite you to things. Don't ever tell yourself that without evidence to back it up.

It's a two-way street and they want to feel accepted and feel like they belong just like you do, at least to some degree. You reaching out tells the other person that they are important to you. This boosts your self-esteem for stepping out of your comfort zone and helps them feel more confident in themselves. Double win and you get to spend time with a friend.

If you feel like you’re losing control over your life, try this: pick one thing you’ve been avoiding and FORCE YOURSELF TO DO IT. You’ll be amazed at how quickly the sense of confidence, agency, and power returns to you.
It can be anything from...

Cleaning up your room

Sending that text

Calling that person up

Responding to that email

Picking up that book

Writing that letter

Signing up for that course

Walking into the gym

Etc.

It’s going to be hard as hell (that’s built-up mental resistance) but TRUST ME, once you push through it, the other side is bliss.

The door is already open, you just have to walk through it.

When you meet someone, anyone, take 1-2 second, and just lock eyes. Then hit them with a big smile. You will get a giant smile back, with a rush of positive emotions. Works every time. People will always remember how you make them feel.

Stop telling people what they should think about you
Just an observation but...

Stop telling people what you are. Don’t tell them you’re lazy (even if you are), don’t tell them you’re not a morning person (even if you aren’t) don’t tell them your not a type of person who does this or that.

People start seeing you through those opinions. Allow them to make up their own minds. Let’s be honest. You don’t even know yourself that well. Sure you might dislike waking up early but don’t be so strict on your own identity. You aren’t your preferences.

Try to experiment with who you are. You’ll be surprised. You’ll only restrict yourself by telling people around you, who you are.