“If My Husband Went To Bed At The Same Time As Me”: 30 Women Share Simple Things That Can Go A Long Way In Improving Romantic Relationships

Considering how natural and intuitive it should be, dating is often surprisingly challenging. So to gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to relationship coach Dr. Ada Gonzalez, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. First, we asked the expert if she could share some of her simplest tips that can go a long way in improving our romantic relationships. “Regularly expressing appreciation and gratitude for your partner. Being fully present when your partner is speaking to you. Spending quality time together regularly, even if it's just a few minutes a day,” Dr. Gonzalez noted. 

“Making an effort to show your love and affection in small ways, such as holding hands or giving a hug. Being open and honest with your partner, even when it's difficult. Making an effort to understand and accept your partner's perspective, even if you disagree," she added. "Doing things that show you care about your partner's happiness and well-being, such as helping with chores or running errands.”

“Setting and respecting boundaries to ensure both partners feel safe and respected,” Dr. Gonzalez continued. “Making time for intimacy and physical connection, whether through sex or other forms of physical touch. Continuously learning and growing together as a couple, whether through reading books, taking courses, or attending counseling or relationship coaching.”

We were also lucky enough to get in touch with Master Certified Relationship Coach Amie Leadingham, or Amie the Dating Coach, to hear her thoughts on the topic. When it comes to small ways we can improve our relationships, Amie says, “Making a simple shift with active listening will create a safe space for two people to open up and be vulnerable about each other’s feelings. It isn’t only love that keeps a couple together. It is how they fight and resolve their problems. Often when a conflict arises, most listen to defend to ‘win’ rather than listen to understand each other’s point of view. By actively listening, you can make a partner feel seen and safe in the relationship.”

We also asked the experts why it’s so easy to overlook these little things. “They often seem small or insignificant. Many people believe that grand gestures or expensive gifts are necessary to make a relationship work, when in reality, it's the small, everyday actions and words that build a strong foundation of love and trust,” Dr. Gonzalez says.

“Additionally, busy schedules, stress, and distractions can make it difficult to prioritize the relationship and make time for these small gestures. However, taking the time to focus on these simple things can make a big difference in the quality of the relationship and overall happiness of both partners.”

“So many of us learn our conflict resolution skills from our home environment growing up as a child,” Amie told Bored Panda. “Suppose we grew up in a chaotic home where we saw fighting with no resolution or a home where emotions were not safe to be expressed. We might not have the necessary skills to be vulnerable, develop intimacy, and resolve our issues in a healthy way. The good news is anyone can develop healthy relationship skills anytime with effort and practice.”

While these little changes may greatly benefit your relationships, they aren’t always enough to save them. “Making small changes in a relationship can definitely make a positive impact and help prevent a relationship from ending,” Dr. Gonzalez noted. “Often, it's the accumulation of small negative patterns and behaviors that can lead to larger problems in a relationship, and reversing those negative patterns can prevent things from getting worse.”

“However, every relationship is unique and some may require more substantial changes or interventions in order to improve or thrive,” she added. “In some cases, seeking the guidance of a professional counselor or relationship coach may be necessary.”

Amie pointed out that sometimes small changes can save a relationship though, bringing attention to some of the success stories that have been shared in this thread. “I really liked what u/NinaMissedTheLastBus said, ‘Both my therapist and my fiancé helped me work through it and understand that it is not about ‘winning’, and once you learn to put in effort and admit when you're wrong and say sorry, the misunderstandings become easier to talk through and don't have to escalate into fights’,” she shared.

“The willingness to find a solution together is so powerful,” Amie continued. “I liked what u/Giannandco said as well, ‘In my marriage, trust, healthy communication skills and the willingness to work through difficulties and finding a resolution which works for both of us.’”

And of course, it’s best to prevent these things from becoming issues in the first place, whenever possible. To do so, Dr. Gonzalez recommends that we always practice regular, healthy communication, spending quality time together, addressing issues early, respecting boundaries, and practicing forgiveness. “By taking these steps, you can work to prevent common issues from becoming major problems in your relationship,” she told Bored Panda.

“We tend to be the common denominator when it comes to relationships,” Amie added. “If a negative pattern keeps rearing its ugly head, it’s time to self-reflect to see why these patterns keep showing up. Hurt people hurt people, so it’s important to do your healing work together as a couple or even better by yourself first before you enter a new relationship.”

If you’d like to gain more tips or relationship insight from Amie the Dating Coach, be sure to visit her website right here!

“Another thing to consider in preventing issues in relationships is to regularly check-in with each other and have, what I call, conversations that connect,” Dr. Gonzalez shared. “This means being willing to express your thoughts and feelings, as well as actively listening to your partner's perspective.” 

“When partners feel heard and understood, they are more likely to feel valued and appreciated, which in turn can strengthen their emotional connection,” she explained. “By having conversations that connect, partners can also deepen their understanding of each other's thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. This can help them to better support each other through life's challenges, and can help them to work together towards shared goals.”