Families should stick by one another and support each other through life’s toughest moments. But sometimes, the people closest to us can stab us in the back. This is especially heartbreaking when it happens out of the blue.
A man shared his story of betrayal when his sister suddenly told him to cover up at her pool party. She was uncomfortable with her in-laws finding out that she had a transgender brother. She didn’t want them to see his top surgery scars.
More info: Reddit
Sister ruins her own BBQ by making a fuss about trans brother’s top surgery scars because she was afraid her in-laws would notice
Image credits: Jarritos Mexican Soda (not the actual photo)
Guy attended sister’s pool party, but when he took off his shirt to go swimming, his sister told him to put it back on because of his top surgery scars
Image credits: John Fornander (not the actual photo)
He said that his sister had never taken issue with him being shirtless before, but this time, she said that she was “uncomfortable” with her in-laws knowing he was transgender
Image credits: Jeremy Perkins (not the actual photo)
The poster decided to change and leave the party after just an hour of being there because he felt hurt and didn’t want to be around anyone
Image credits: u/shirtproblems
His parents were furious when they found out about their daughter’s actions, and they also left the party early
The poster shared that he had been invited to his sister and BIL’s house for a BBQ and pool party. He initially thought that only his family would be attending, but he saw that his BIL’s family was also there. The man mentioned that he was getting ready to go into the pool and had just removed his shirt when his sister stopped him and told him to put it back on. She said that she did not want his scars to be on display.
The guy told netizens that his scars were from top surgery that he had undergone 4 years back. He shared that he is a transgender guy and began his transition 8 years ago. Since the operation, the scars have faded a lot and are now pretty well hidden under his pecs. So he felt that his sister was making a mountain out of a molehill because they weren't even visible.
The surgery that the poster mentioned is also called a double mastectomy. Transgender individuals who undergo this surgery often feel reaffirmed in their identity, and many also say that it helps them feel less gender dysphoria. The intensive surgery leaves long lateral scars on the lower line of each pec muscle and tends to fade over time as it heals.
His sister never seemed to have a problem with his scars or him going shirtless before. When he asked her why she suddenly had an issue, she said that she was uncomfortable with her in-laws knowing he was trans. She felt that they would view her differently because of it. The guy felt hurt by his sister’s request and didn’t want to go along with her charade.
Bored Panda interviewed Dara Hoffman, LPC, a subject matter expert on the trans and non-binary experience. They shared their views on this situation, stating that: “Especially when this happens in a scenario with people in your life who supposedly are your loved ones, [it] can be hurtful and harmful. Because it’s already difficult to be somebody who's trans and navigating the world. There’s a level of shame that can come up that is, like I said, especially impactful when it comes from a family member.”
“It’s so painful to be told that you cannot show up as who you truly are. My guess is there are people there that the sister would be embarrassed to have this happen around, so, therefore, the guy who is being told he can't do this is then subjected to feeling that he’s being ‘othered.’ In other words, there’s something about him that's wrong and different from the ‘normal’ people at the party. Maybe he’s used to it from the sibling, and it’s going to continue to sever their relationship with each other,” Dara added.
Image credits: Roberto Nickson (not the actual photo)
The woman might have been worried that her husband’s family would not accept her brother or judge her for having a trans sibling. This is true in some cases because around 38% of people still say that society has gone too far in accepting transgender people. Only four in ten people aged 30-49 and one-third of people over 50 are accepting and knowledgeable about trans issues.
Dara also weighed in on the sister’s reaction, saying “she’s projecting her own fears and insecurities onto him. Again, as someone who’s a part of a marginalized group, this is something we go through every day of our lives. Whether it's a small microaggression or [on a] larger level, it all builds up over time. It can take an incredible toll on one’s mental and emotional wellbeing.”
They also stated that: “Being able to wear his shirt off at a swim party is probably something he had dreamed of before he came out, before top surgery, before he took testosterone. To be able to have that opportunity to do that, every time that happens, it can be something that feels euphoric instead of gender dysphoric. So she is really robbing him of that ability to be able to express himself. It is important that whatever’s going on with her is validated, but it needs to be explored deeper because when it comes down to it, it’s very hurtful.”
This kind of attitude from his sister and the fact that she was asking him to cover up his scars made the man feel bad. He said that his mood soured after the interaction and that he didn’t want to be around her, so he left the party early. When his parents found out why he was leaving early, his dad struck up a fight, and both parents decided to leave the BBQ early.
Commenters were glad the man’s parents supported him and stood up to his sister. According to Healthline, “for many LGBTQ people, support and affirmation in an environment where they feel safe and seen can make all the difference when it comes to mental health outcomes.” Although he felt betrayed by his sister, knowing his parents were on his side must have been a relief.
People’s support for queer people shouldn't change based on the situation they’re in. The sister must understand that nobody else's opinion matters if she accepts her brother. The viral post got 31k upvotes and people were unanimous about the man’s sister being a jerk and ruining her party because of her actions. Do you think the guy should have stayed at the party and confronted his sister? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Netizens stood up for the poster, saying that for many trans men, going shirtless at a pool or beach is a rite of passage that shows they feel comfortable in their skin
