Remember the wonderful movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey? Following the rule of always saying "Yes" really helped the main character in life, but in real-life interactions with some relatives, especially regarding babysitting, the rule "Always Say No!" can sometimes be effective. At least then, your kindness won't be perceived as an obligation.
The author of our story today, the user u/Silver_Job_4466, once allowed her pity and love for her younger sis and newborn nephew to override rationality. And then, over time, it turned out that refusing to sacrifice her personal life for the sake of free babysitting began to feel like a betrayal. Okay, let's just cut to the chase now.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes, you give people an inch, and they take a mile - and in many life cases, such people are, alas, your close ones
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post has a younger sister, who recently gave birth to a baby son and became a single mom since the father of the kid isn't in the picture
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author did her best to support her sister during her pregnancy and later, with babysitting and everything related
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, the mom started acting like it was the author's duty to help her, and began clearly misusing her kindness
Image credits: Silver_Job_4466
When the author finally decided to step back a bit, all she got were accusations of "abandoning her family" and outright gaslighting
The Original poster (OP) says she is 27 years old and has a younger sister, 22, who recently gave birth to a son and is now a single mom. The child's father behaved dishonestly and disappeared, blocking the mother and all her relatives, leaving her alone. The pregnancy was difficult, so our heroine did her best to help and support her sister from the first weeks until childbirth.
And then, after the baby was born, the original poster was constantly by her side, trying to make her sister's difficult life easier. However, it seems she gradually began to take her older sister's presence for granted. To the point that she even stopped asking for her consent for babysitting and everything related.
The final straw for the author was when she returned home from work one evening after a 10-hour shift, and her sister caught her literally on the porch, in her work uniform. She handed her the baby and left to go about her business. Our heroine was left to comfort her crying nephew, alone, tired, and, let's be honest, irritated.
And so, when the sis called her again and said she'd soon bring her son for a few days because she needed "a mental health weekend," our heroine just said, "No!" It all ended in tears, accusations of abandoning her, and then, when that didn't help, complaints from their mother. Yes, now the OP is taking heat from her mom too, but she continues to stand her ground.
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
"A true hallmark of an adult, mature person is the ability to take responsibility and not try to shift that responsibility onto the shoulders of others," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "From this story, it's quite clear that the younger sister has definitely begun to misuse the older sister's kindness and concern."
According to the expert, the attempts to manipulate and gaslight the sister speak volumes about the original poster making the right decision. Difficult, yes, but nevertheless right. Because if she had given in to this double pressure, sooner or later the child would've stayed with her more and more, leaving her little chance to live her own life.
"If the mother of both women is so concerned about her youngest daughter and grandson, then why doesn't she get involved in this process herself? After all, judging by the ages of both sisters, this lady is not this old, so she can set a wonderful example of compassion and 'being a family,' which she speaks of so inspiringly," Irina Matveeva sums up.
People in the comments also unanimously supported the author, assuring her that she did absolutely the right thing by asserting her own boundaries and trying to find a balance between helping family members and her personal life. "You gave her an inch and she took 100 miles," one of the responders wrote wisely. So do you, our dear readers, also agree with this?
Most commenters gave the author their fullest support, urging her not to give in to her family's pressure and stand her ground here
