30 People Who Couldn’t Make It Any More Clear That They’re Single

Psychologist and author of Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life, Dr. Bella DePaulo is considered to be the leading expert on single life, and she says that for a long time, singles have been viewed mostly negatively.

"Over the past decade or so, that's been changing, probably in part because of the growing number of single people," DePaulo tells Bored Panda. "When nearly half of all Americans 18 and older are not married, it is hard to make the case that there's something wrong with that many people."

DePaulo says single people are also starting to push back on the stereotyping and stigmatizing that they endure, which she calls singlism. However, that "generates backlash, and then you start to see the demeaning of single people and people who don't have children (e.g., 'childless cat ladies') and the glorifying of married people."

As you can see from the things shared in the online discussion (and probably your own friends), for some people, being single is much more difficult than for others.

"Their experiences growing up are part of the answer," DePaulo says. "If you are part of a family or culture that reveres marriage and looks down on single people, it is going to be harder. If you have never had role models in your life who stayed single and were happy and flourishing as single people, it will be harder. If you are a people-pleaser, or if you find it daunting to try to go against social norms, living single will be harder for you."

But "if you've never stayed single for long, you may have never had the chance to discover that single life is something that suits you."

As the title of her latest book suggests, DePaulo studies people who are "single at heart."

The psychologist says they are the ones who are happy and flourishing because of their status, not in spite of it. "They love their independence. They also value solitude — spending time on their own refreshes and fulfills them, it doesn't scare them."

"While people in conventional romantic relationships have 'the one,' people who are single at heart often have 'the ones' – a whole circle of friends and relatives, and other people who are important to them."

The key thing, according to DePaulo, is that single at heart find it easy to be single. "Coupled life is what would be hard for them. It would feel more constraining and inauthentic."

If you also want to make the most out of being single, you have to approach it with the right mindset. DePaulo suggests viewing it as something that doesn't take away from your life but rather adds to it.

"Think about all that [it] has to offer you, the way people who are single at heart do," she says. "Invest in your single life. Take advantage of the opportunities your freedom offers you. Follow your interests and passions. Tend to the people who matter to you. Feel proud of yourself for not feeling like you have to be in a romantic relationship all the time."

It's about being yourself fully and not waiting for a better part to fill you up.

However, the psychologist also warns to be aware of the stereotypes and dismissive comments even within these replies. Some of them, she says, are not just demeaning, but also plain wrong.

Take the one that mentions single people's supposed availability for last-minute plans, implying that they have more time than coupled people do. "Research shows that when aging parents need help, their grown single children are more likely to be providing it than their kids who are coupled. They are not always available for last-minute plans because they are doing the hard work of caring for other people."

As with every online discussion, it's great for making us think about sensitive topics but don't take everything as fact.