In a nutshell, insecurity is feeling unsafe or uncertain of yourself when you interact with the world and people around you. To put it simply, if you’re insecure, you react from a place of fear, not confidence.
“It often stems from unresolved trauma or unmet needs, leading to an internal state of hyper-vigilance where we seek external validation, over-analyze our actions, and doubt our worth or abilities,” licensed professional counselor and certified trauma model therapist Janice Holland explained to Verywell Mind.
Your insecurities can have a negative impact on your quality of life. For instance, they can undermine your relationships and your performance at work.
NYC-based neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, told Verywell Mind that insecurities can lead to emotional distancing and a reluctance to be vulnerable with others, or through a compulsive desire to prove oneself.
“Hidden insecurities often lead to a reluctance to communicate feelings or needs openly and can create a cycle of distance and misunderstandings.”
As per Verywell Mind, some of the most subtle signs of insecurity include the following:
- Over-apologizing
- Having difficulty accepting compliments
- Constant need for validation
- Social withdrawal
- Avoiding challenges
- Overcompensation
- Perfectionism
- Jealousy and comparison
- People Pleasing
When you apologize too much, it might mean that you don’t see your inherent worth, and that you’re either scared of making mistakes or being a burden to someone.
Meanwhile, if you get a compliment, the simplest thing to say is ‘thank you.’ If you find yourself needing to say something self-deprecating on top, it might indicate that you’re insecure because you have trouble accepting yourself as you are.
Perfectionism is another important but subtle sign that you might be insecure. According to counselor Holland, perfectionism “often hides a deep sense of inadequacy.”
“People who struggle with perfectionism are usually afraid of criticism or failure, rejection, and they believe their value is tied to flawless performance, not in their inherent worth,” she explains.
Of course, you won’t be able to solve all of your insecurities and shift your worldview overnight. It takes a lot of time, effort, and attention to change in a meaningful way. Sometimes, with the help of a therapist.
A few things that you can do to begin tackling your insecurities include:
- Prioritizing your self-awareness, where you observe your thoughts and behavior without judging yourself
- Practicing gratitude daily
- Limiting negative self-talk and practicing self-compassion
- Limiting your tendency to compare yourself with others
- Surrounding yourself with supportive people
