Let's start this post by thanking heaven for giving us relatives. And it’s true, relatives are people who are always ready to come to our aid. In action, in word, in advice. People with whom we share our joys and sorrows, who often violate our personal boundaries, and who, alas, can betray us at the very first opportunity... No, perhaps, let's wait with the thanks and just read this story.
A few days ago, it appeared in the AITA Reddit community, published by the user u/Brief-Ad8464, and during this time it collected over 6.8K upvotes and around 1.8K various comments. Another family drama, another brilliant example of pure entitlement...
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has been married for 13 years, with numerous fruitless efforts to get pregnant
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
After the woman's 35th birthday, the spouses finally decided to live a childfree life
Image credits: u/Brief-Ad8464
And it turned out that 5 years later, the author unexpectedly found out she's pregnant
Image credits: MART RODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Brief-Ad8464
The spouses decided to hide the pregnancy from relatives for as long as possible, and only unveiled the news in the 18th week
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Brief-Ad8464
Everyone understood their motives, but the author's SIL criticized the mom-to-be for both hiding the news and for the name she'd picked for the baby
So, now meet the Original Poster (OP), a 41 Y.O. woman who has been married for 13 years, and during all this time, she and her husband have made lots of fruitless attempts to have kids. The couple tried literally everything - but to no avail, and when the author was 35, they resigned themselves to the state of affairs and decided that from now on they would live a childfree life.
As people say, “If you want to make God laugh, just talk about your plans.” Five years passed, and some time after her 40th birthday, the OP suddenly discovered that she was pregnant. Yes, such an unexpected set of circumstances... Considering her age, as well as her previous unsuccessful history of trying to get pregnant, the woman wanted the pregnancy to go as smoothly as possible - and for this, the couple decided to hide this fact from relatives.
It’s not that the spouses were superstitious or that their relatives turned out to be incredibly nosy and entitled people, but, as they say, just in case. No sooner said than done, the OP managed to keep her pregnancy a secret until the 18th week, when they told their extended family about everything. Everyone, of course, were incredibly happy and understood the reasons for the long silence, but the husband's sister was also upset that she learned about such an important event in the life of the family relatively late.
Moreover, after some time, the SIL even accused the author of being entitled, and tried to find out what name they would give to the future baby. The original poster finally gave in and said that their son would be called Hawthorne. Well, if you think that the SIL appreciated such sincerity, you are definitely mistaken.
The woman said that Hawthorne is, of course, a beautiful name, but personally she would like her future nephew to be called something more traditional, like James or George. To this, mom-to-be replied that it was her and her husband’s business, and considering that they were unlikely to have another chance to have a child in the future, they wanted to choose exactly the name that they liked the most.
And here the SIL said that she and her husband behaved not that nice - first, hiding from the family for so long the news that all relatives had been waiting for so many years, and then not giving others a chance to come up with an option for the name. "She told me we just wanted to leave everyone out and we should have known better," the author summarizes.
Image credits: Amina Filkins (not the actual photo)
I want to say right away that there are no double standards here - the original poster said in the comments that during her pregnancy the SIL also asked her relatives for advice on the name for her baby, but in the end she and her husband chose their own option. And still, the accusations against the mom-to-be look absolutely unfair.
“Any pregnancy and parenting is definitely a matter, first of all, of two people - the child’s parents, and if they themselves don't ask for advice or don't seek help, then this is how it should be for all relatives and friends,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, to whom Bored Panda reached out for a comment here. “Especially if the conditions are as specific as in the situation described.”
“It is quite understandable that the pregnant woman and her spouse wanted to limit probable disturbing factors as much as possible so that the pregnancy would go calmly. Therefore, it's difficult to imagine the motives that guided this woman’s SIL, not only criticizing her in front of her relatives, but also starting a second conversation. And regarding the choice of a name - this, I repeat, is a personal matter for the parents. And for the child too - if, when he grows up, for some reason he doesn't like his name," Irina concludes.
The vast majority of commenters on the original post also expressed surprise and indignation at the SIL’s behavior, specifically emphasizing that it was none of her business, neither with hiding the pregnancy, nor with picking the name. "SIL is a sentient NPC and forgot she isn't the main character," someone aptly wrote in the comments.
As for the spouses’ decision not to tell anyone about the pregnancy for as long as possible, commenters here also understand them perfectly well. "At your age, it was a high risk pregnancy. I understand why you waited. Not sure why you waited on the name," some of the folks added. And what would you, our dear readers, do in a similar situation?
People in the comments, however, sided with the author, claiming that the SIL is definitely an NPC here, and nothing more
