RelationshipsOCT 4, 2023

"I Started Dreading Our Nightly Facetimes": 30 People Share What Ended Their Relationships

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Romantic relationships are often roller coaster rides. There are nerves and excitement in the beginning, a terrifying moment of letting yourself fall, then the routine ups and downs that come along with all of our lives. But no matter how long you're coasting along comfortably, a sudden realization or abrupt change can make you realize that it’s all coming to an end.

People have been opening up on Reddit about the moments they knew their relationships and marriages were over, so we’ve gathered some of their most heartbreaking stories below. Be sure to upvote the accounts that hit home for you, and keep reading to find a conversation with Relationship Coach and Marriage Expert Lee H. Baucom, PhD.

#1

"I Started Dreading Our Nightly Facetimes": 30 People Share What Ended Their Relationships

My last relationship ended with her saying the words , " we need to re-home your dog." I have a 12yo Shiba , have had him since he was a puppy . That's my boy , Shiba's can be a handful , but she knew my dog is my kid , I knew right then we were done . Some people will get it , some won't.

MommaTryed38, cottonbro studio

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313points

#2

I found out I was pregnant close to our 5 year wedding anniversary. When I asked what he wanted for our anniversary he said an abortion. When I miscarried 3 weeks later he threw a party for it. The irony of it all is that we got a divorce cause he knocked up another chick that refused to abort cause she was catholic and needed to be married to him so the child would not be a bastard. He is miserable in another marriage and I have been happily divorced for 6 years now.

ToastyToastersToast, Liza Summer

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220points

#3

His mom kept saying stuff while no one was around but he wouldn’t believe me. Then she would change her whole story when even one witness was around and I looked like a fool. This has been happening and then his grandmother died. His mom told my parents that they should not come for the funeral and she also told me that I should not come to the funeral either. We have a custom as per which a new bride of the family first goes to a happy family event. Since no such event had happened in his family even 2 years into our marriage. His mom was of the view that we shouldn’t attend the funeral. She kept insisting on this point so we did not go. Then she started telling everyone we knew in common about what a s**t daughter in law she had and how s**t my parents were too for not even coming to something like grandmother’s funeral. My ex husband knew what had happened but not once did he call his mother out. Instead he said if I keep saying such things then it would be very difficult for us to live together which in my dictionary means he basically threatened me with a divorce. No one says such things without meaning it. So I knew in my head I was going to get divorced. Just gave myself more than a year to be mentally prepared for it. Once I was mentally ready I straight up told him I wanted a divorce after a heated argument. He was in shock because most Indian women don’t ever ask for divorce and keep dealing with the in laws bs all their lives. Its expected of us like breathing is expected of humans. That family can go all f**k themselves.

imdungrowinup, Andrea Piacquadio

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175points

To gain more insight on how we typically realize that our relationships must come to an end, we reached out to therapist and creator of Save the Marriage, Dr. Lee Baucom, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. "For many people, the end of a relationship sneaks up on them. Mostly, because the more disconnected you become, the less you notice the relationship," the expert explained.

"But there is often a proverbial straw that breaks the relationship’s back. There is some point that the disconnection becomes so obvious and so painful, you can’t un-see it," Dr. Baucom continued. "And for many people, that moment is crushing — to their heart, their hopes, and the relationship."

#4

When I realized that I am happier when he isn’t around.

saltyeleven, Gazelle Rahmani

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167points

#5

I looked up one day and realized I'd spent 5 years trying to help him stop drinking, and he'd spent 5 years finding better ways to hide his drinking from me.

Alcoholism is a horrible f*****g disease.

lbeaty1981, MART PRODUCTION

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162points

#6

When he demanded that I get one of my friends to f**k him if I wasn't going to do it myself.

He'd been back home, from an out-of-town job, for barely half an hour. We'd been apart maybe two weeks. I was on my period and flooding *heavily*, which I had already told him. But he demanded to get laid anyway.

It turned out I had a uterine tumor, but I didn't know that at the time. I only knew my periods were hell. And so did he. He was there when I bled through two overnight pads onto our friends' white wool sofa in front of an entire Super Bowl party. He was there when my pain was so bad I cried and sobbed and panted and threw up for an hour, and all he did was go back to bed.

He knew something was genuinely wrong, but he didn't care beyond how it interfered with him getting his d**k wet. My pain and suffering were irrelevant to him, and "get one of your friends to f**k me, then!" was the moment I was finally so shocked I let myself acknowledge it.

It was the moment I saw with complete clarity that his selfishness was both total and insurmountable. It was the moment I realized he didn't, and indeed probably couldn't, love me.

So I said, "That's it. I'm done. This is over." And I picked up my bag and walked out the door with only the clothes on my back, and never went back.

goblinbox, Engin Akyurt

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151points

When someone does realize that it's time for their relationship to come to an end, Dr. Baucom recommends taking some time to gather their thoughts before immediately speaking to their partner. "First, many times when people think a relationship needs to end, it is in a moment of pain and hurt," the therapist shared. "That is rarely the best time to talk. It is more reactive than responsive, more emotional than processed. And there are plenty of times that someone has an initial reaction that the relationship needs to end, when they then realize the relationship needs to change — if possible."

#7

The doctor says, “I think you have stomach cancer. I want to scope your stomach at 5:00 am.” I was terrified. I just went home and sat stunned on the couch with the dogs for hours until she got home from work.

She gets home. I ask her to sit down. I tell her what the doctor said. I say that I’ll need her to take off work the next day because i won’t be able to drive afterwards and I need her to drive me.

“But I don’t want to miss work,” she says.

That’s the exact moment I knew our marriage was over.

TheMadIrishman327, MART PRODUCTION

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130points

#8

When she wasn’t the first person I wanted to share the good and bad news from my day with anymore.

JohanB3, Mary Taylor

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127points

#9

I'd just come home from another 12 hour shift at work. The baby's diaper was dirty, the house was a mess, the sink was stacked with dishes, and my ex was goofing around on the computer like always. I remember thinking, as I grabbed the baby and changed his diaper, "I can't wait until [ex] leaves for his business trip, he's no f**king help, it's easier to do this alone and not have him AND the baby messing things up." Lightbulb moment: IT'S EASIER TO DO THIS ALONE. Anyway, I was changing the baby, and Ex snuck up behind me and grabbed my ass. He always did that, even after I told him not to. While he was on his trip, I researched marriage counselors. We went to an intake session, voiced our frustrations with the housework (me) and lack of sex (him), and went home. On the drive home, he said, "If we divorce, we can still sleep together casually, right?" And we're done here! Separated within a month, and he never got any from me again. (Happy ending: stayed single for a few years, it was fun, reconnected with an old friend, fell in love and married him, he is kind and respectful and we take good care of each other)

insertcaffeine, Tima Miroshnichenko

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120points

"Second, when people don’t take a bit of time to process, they often cause more hurt than is necessary, affecting any future relationship (co-parenting together, for example), and causing more psychological pain than is necessary," Dr. Baucom continued. "Not to mention, it almost always causes an unnecessary amplification of the conflict. You both end up more angry than is necessary."

"Third, for every story where someone 'knew' it was over, there are others where they felt the same, then found a way to a better, healed relationship," the expert added. "Reacting in the moment is never necessary, and sure can create more chaos than is necessary."

#10

When i realized i was the only one planning our future and he was just there riding along with whatever i came up with. It felt very lonely and exhausting. I wanted a life partner that could help lead the way and carry the load with me.

hello_enya, Nataliya Vaitkevich

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108points

#11

When the things they did didn’t make me mad anymore. I just didn’t care. At all. So it was easy to walk away.

claire0, Candice Picard

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102points

#12

When our power was shut off but he had just purchased a new “fun” car for himself-three weeks after totaling his other “fun” car. I had no idea we were so behind on the bills because he insisted on always being in charge of finances since I “just stayed home and didn’t work”. I opened up my own bank account the next day and put 20 dollars he had given me for groceries in it. Started cleaning houses during the day while my mom watched my kids. Left six months later.

[deleted], Ali Pazani

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102points

When it's clear that the relationship cannot be repaired, however, Dr. Baucom says that speaking to your partner both lovingly and clearly is the key. "Being honest without attacking can go a long way in being clear about your intention," he explained. "But it allows for a parting under more kind feelings. If you have shared love in the past, it is sad to torch that past when the love is no longer there. You can avoid blame, but still be clear of your need to end. There is never a winner in a race to being the bigger victim."

#13

I got pregnant right when our marriage started going to s**t. We had been together for six years and then married for seven. I waited to even think about having children, and I should have gotten back on birth control a couple of months prior but Felt like I had things under control in that department. Well, surprise!! Anyway, when he left me in the hospital after having just given birth and told me he be back in a little while because he had gotten his vehicle stuck and needed to go have it towed (something along these lines). I knew that I was not going to see him again, he left me in the hospital with a brand new baby. Thank God his sister came down and she drove me and the baby home. I didn’t see him again until the baby was like nine days old. For the record, the “baby” is an 18 year old college freshman and I could not imagine my life without him. So, for all that heartache, I got the best gift of my life!

kafm73, Jonathan Borba

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98points

#14

When I woke up three days post surgery — there had been a cancer scare and complications — I whispered to my husband. “Could you get me some ice chips?” Mind you, I had not been out of bed or eating/drinking, much less awake. He said, stone-faced, “get them yourself.” Not at that moment, but when I processed it later, I knew I could not grow old and be vulnerable with him. Years later, his excuse was that he had just been on the phone with his mother.

Magoo1963, Andrea Piacquadio

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96points

#15

I hated hearing her car pull in the driveway when she got off work.

TrickBoom414, Robert Nagy

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95points

"As is true in pretty much any human encounter, we are always better for treating others as we would want to be treated," Dr. Baucom added. "Not how we were treated, or treating them in a way to make a point. But the way we want to be treated. If we live that out, the most difficult communications find the best path they can."

If you'd like to gain more insight on relationships on your own marriage from the expert, be sure to visit Dr. Baucom's website Save the Marriage.

#16

I deployed to Iraq and my first paycheck with extra pay hit our account about 2 weeks later. He turned around and spent $250 on cigars. He was unemployed on purpose and we had no children. But because of him, we were broke AF. I canceled his card, took over the account, paid all bills and filed for divorce after I got back.

anon, Lisa Fotios

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93points

#17

When I realized I did not like the person I had become in the relationship.

yggdrasil_shade, Yan Krukau

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85points

#18

When we were in a counseling session, and the counselor asked me why I was so unhappy. I said it felt like I was the one to have to make the adjustments, compromises and sacrifices, our entire marriage. While my exH refused to give up anything.

She said that was a powerful statement but probably not accurate, then turned to my ex and asked how he felt about what I said. He just shrugged and said, she’s right. I didn’t feel the need to sacrifice anything. And she always gave in.

No apologies. No offer to make changes. Just said it would be more of the same.

I was done.

SomewhereinOregon, Polina Zimmerman

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83points

#19

My ex would taunt me with the idea that he would have proposed had I not (insert latest error on my part here). It really hurt as he knew how important marriage was to me. Then I heard via a friend that he actually was intending to propose during our upcoming summer holiday and I just felt dread. I finished it that weekend.

Teapigs1984, Anastasia Shuraeva

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81points

#20

When he gave me an STD after 16 yrs of marriage, then blamed me!

Straight-Fig-4008, Jonathan Borba

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74points

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