ParentingAUG 22, 2022

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread

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There's no such thing as a perfect parent, but there are definitely some that come pretty close. Unfortunately, there are also those who are the complete opposite – toxic parents.

It’s no secret that toxic parenting can have a lasting effect on a child's self-esteem and can even lead to mental health issues later on in life.

So when someone wondered “What is a sign of toxic parenting?” on Ask Reddit, it was destined to turn into an illuminating read about the ways people can tell if their parenting methods do more harm than good.

Below we wrapped up some of the most interesting and thought-provoking responses, so scroll down. And let us know what you think are the signs of poor parenting in the comment section below!

#1

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread

Always believing they're right because they're the adult and therefore not letting the child have any say.

rhi_x, Monstera

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257points

#2

When they constantly invalidate your feelings.

Hot_Comfortable_6373, Mick Haupt

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233points

#3

Kids who feel like nothing they do is good enough or they can't do anything right. Their parents have told them they are stupid or useless so often they have started to believe it.

rowenaravenclaw0, Tima Miroshnichenko

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222points

There's no one answer to what toxic parenting looks like, as every family is different. Some common signs that your parents might be toxic include always being critical of either of you or of each other; trying to control every aspect of your life; constantly comparing you to other people, or to their own expectations; being emotionally abusive; using guilt to manipulate you and many more.

In some extreme cases, controlling parents take over their children’s lives and can do a lot of harm. To find out how exactly overly controlling parents can alter their kids’ lives and what kind of effect they have over them, we spoke with Anisa Lewis, the Positive Parenting Coach.

#4

Not being allowed to make mistakes and constantly being shouted at for them

sami2503, RODNAE Productions

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209points

#5

The belief that your children belong to you, that they are beneath you and your property. That because you brought them into this world, you are owed respect. Respect and trust are gained, they are not owed.

TheAngryArcanist

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202points

#6

Never actually teaching your kids anything, just criticizing, "I told you so" and "because I said so"

eveningspliff, Monstera

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190points

Lewis argues that parents' main goal should always be to bring their children up with a solid foundation and strong values, “knowing the long-term aim is that they can be confident, independent and functioning members of society,” she said and added that obviously, there are a great number of factors that feed into this and each child and young adult as well as family is different.

When asked what could be the reasons why some parents control their kids so much, Lewis explained that there may be many factors to blame. She told us: “it could be their own upbringing and they are simply repeating the parenting that they received.” Moreover, “it could be cultural or an experience that they have had that has negatively affected them.”

#7

Being unable to apologize, setting and enforcing standards they themselves don't follow

19whale96, Phil Nguyen

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185points

#8

Telling you to take responsibility without giving you freedom. Responsibility is only possible if you have the freedom to make the wrong choice but choose to make the right one.

TheMetaReport, Pedro Plassen Lopes

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167points

#9

Guilt tripping your kids into begging for your forgiveness.

“I bet you wish I was dead”, “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you”, etc.

mystixlosz, Kindel Media

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162points

Moreover, controlling parents are likely to be anxious or low in confidence (or self-esteem) themselves. “They can tend to, possibly by default, control what they can to keep themselves safe and thus part of this is the lives of their children,” Lewis explained.

#10

Any sort of adept knowledge from their child about doing something sneakily. My parents have always been very strict about what I wore not only out in public, but even just hanging out with friends at their houses. I have since become a master at fashionably layering and they were never the wiser. All extremely strict parenting does is teach kids how to be stealthy and break rules without getting caught.

hotsexydinosaur

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155points

#11

Any form of hitting and calling it "discipline"
It's not it's straight up abuse and it traumatizes your children I know cause I was raised off it and guess who I cut out of my life.

artmysticgamer, RODNAE Productions

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149points

#12

Insisting you know your kids' mind better than they themselves do. Proclaiming what they experience, feel, think, and intend. Being dismissive or condescending when they try to speak for themselves.

Seeing your child as identical to you or an extension of you ("twinning"), and going around bragging about this.

Not acknowledging or neglecting their emotions.

Blaming their children for what are natural reactions to the parent's behaviour. (A similar dynamic "When he looks in the mirror and sees his dirty face, he tries to wash the mirror.")

LeisurelyLoner, RODNAE Productions

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144points

For a child of any age, living with toxic parents is a very difficult situation to be in. Children may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells and that they can never do anything right. Chances are, their homes are always full of yelling and criticism, which may alter their sense of home, safety and comfort.

#13

Yelling at your kid for backtalking when they're really just having an opinion.

Vicious_X

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142points

#14

Parents who press their personal beliefs and practices upon their children. Maybe your daughter doesn't want to wear dresses all the time. So what? Maybe your son doesn't want to be the doctor that you weren't able to be. Okay... So?

For example, my parents are very religious and everything would be about religion and honoring God; yet, the ironic thing is, that my parents are extremely abusive- physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally. Don't force beliefs upon your children. Widen their perspective. Show them what's out there. And let them make their own decisions. Don't yell at them or hurt them if they're not doing it *your* way.

tessa_simone, Josh Applegate

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140points

#15

“I cleaned your poop and fed you everyday selflessly” Bro you decided to have a kid and didn’t know that babies don’t start using the loo as soon as they’re born?

anon

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139points

At the same time, for children of toxic parents, it is extremely important to try to find ways to cope with this situation. Spending time with supportive people is one way, and doing things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself. In some cases, however, seeking professional help is the only way, and if a child feels like they are not able to handle the situation anymore, it’s best to not wait, but act as soon as possible.