“If It Feels All Wrong, It Probably Is”: 50 People Share The Cheating Red Flags They’ll Never Forget

I got mailed a wedding invitation by his fiance of four years that I had thought was just a good friend of his.

That was not only a clear-cut sign he was cheating, but that I was the other woman and in second place.

Every relationship I had that ended because I found out they were cheating had one common denominator:

They frequently accused me of cheating.

Like, all the time. I have never cheated.

For example, my last ex accused me of making plans to go cheat on them with an actor from tv. I didn't even know the actor's real name, I just thought the actor was cute. Cue huge fight. Find out later they've been cheating on me with "just a friend, don't worry". 5 years later the ridiculousness of it still strikes me from time to time.

When my ex cheated on me, he had been on his phone all the time, turning it away from me, and going out a lot without me (I was friends with his friends). This wasn't enough to make me twig though.

I went away for the night to visit my best friend who lived in another city. That night we were texting and he asked me twice what time I was coming home. Still didn't think anything of it, until I got home, and the flat we shared was completely spotless and the bedsheets were changed. I instantly knew at that point - he never did any housework unless I begged him to. He went in the shower and I went through his phone, and I found texts to somebody who I thought was my friend, about how they can't wait to do last night again. Scrolling up, they were talking about how they'd almost been caught by their friends on all those nights without me etc.

So yeah. F**k that guy.

Fearful of any lasting evidence of the relationship.

I was with someone for many years, and was blissfully unaware she had been cheating on me for an extended time. A number of months before she left me for one of her other guys, she stopped wanting to take pictures of us together. This was in the days of film cameras, and I didn't pick up on this sudden change in behavior, because I hate having my picture taken and thought she was finally respecting my opinion, as well as saving a lot of money.

Despite that, I suggested we get a portrait done of us together, as I was planning on asking her to marry me, and thought it would be nice to have. I still clearly remember her telling me she thought it wasn't a good idea, because "what if we ever split up?" It blew my mind, but I had some horrible stuff going on in my life that was distracting me.

After she broke up with me she told any mutual acquaintances that we'd been together for only a year, not almost six as we really had been, and pointed to a lack of pictures as proof I was a crazy ex obsessed with her. It never occurred to her that people who knew us all those years would be willing to say that we had been together for years, or that I still had pictures from our years together.


Also, she started asking me if I would date this person or that person, and letting me know if she "approved" of the choices. Apparently she planned to control my dating life after she dumped me, but that's a tale for another thread.

My dad wasn't my partner, but I busted him for cheating on my mother when I suspected that him talking on the phone in the driveway for a half hour each night after she went to bed was not business-related. I don't even know if I should have done that; the marriage ended.

This is what I noticed in my relationship (I'm a lesbian btw, so we are both girls)

* Suddenly changing her schedule when nothing big has happened in her life (she would start hanging out with friends every night for several hours and not have time to hang out with me (we were not living together at the time))

* Not telling me who was texting her during one of our dates (this was back in the time of flip phones, so I couldn't see her screen)

* She stopped talking about our future together (we had been planning on moving in together)

* Getting agitated over small questions that should have been no big deal (things like "want me to drive you to class today?")

* Not answering phone calls, and taking longer to respond to texts.

* Her friends suddenly stopped talking to me.

* She got pregnant.

Excluding the last one, any of those on their own wouldn't have been a big deal probably. I didn't even put it all together at first. But when I saw that pregnancy test in her trash can and asked her about it, all of the pieces suddenly fell into place.

My high school boyfriend never saved phone numbers into his phone. He claimed he was just "too lazy." Turns out the unsaved numbers belonged to his many many side girls.

You can feel it. They're different. They seem to be happier when they leave, but miserable when they come home. The fights are getting more frequent. They show interest in new music and movies that they've never shown before, and don't offer to share them with you. They have a new cologne/perfume and choose to wear it when they're away from you. They shower more.

Wow. They look nice. You want to touch them, hug them, show them affection and you're met with disdain and "I'm kind of tired right now, babe." You start thinking it's you. Maybe I'm the problem, maybe I'm not doing something right. You start to make changes to better your relationship. You cook their favorite meals, wear the clothes that they used to like on you. You put in the effort more than ever before, but instead of becoming closer to them, they seem angry. You panic. The red flags are in your face and you just want to disappear. You fight, they leave, and you start drinking again.

From my experience, finding more reasons to be mad at you and blame you for things. He was getting so upset any time I made small mistakes to make our failed relationship my fault.

If they've already cheated on you.

Sure, "people change", but real talk 99% of the time if someone cheats on you, and you forgive them, they will do it again. It's only a matter of time.

When they say you don't have to worry about that guy/girl - start worrying.

For me it was the breath mints. Out of nowhere she started using breath mints. I would find breath mints in her car and in her purse.

Lying about where they are.

I think, in my life, I am five to one in this category. Six times in my life, a SO has lied about where they were. Five times, they were cheating. The other time, they were picking out a Valentine's gift for me.

He had Tinder on his phone and claimed that he had downloaded it to troll people.

Sure. Yeah.

Has a 20 minute explanation involving aliens, a cactus and a snake wearing a vest when asked why they were late coming home from work instead of the usual 1 or 2 word answer they usually give.

Long periods of time in which you cannot account for their whereabouts.

And when they do tell you where they have been, they tell you a detailed story, in which they progressively fill in the details because it is a lie. Sad!

From what happened with my ex, the biggest one was taking his phone in the bathroom with him when he showered or went to the toilet, and spending a suspiciously long time in the toilet multiple times a day (to the point where I thought he was having serious digestive issues).

Plus: becoming really critical of me, snapping at me, no longer wanting to say 'I love you', and snatching his phone away aggressively when I asked if I could use the GPS on it. Oh also, suddenly doing new s*x stuff, but I wouldn't read too much into that last one - they might have just read some s*x tips in Men's Health or something.

You can tell by body language and tone.

A real easy one is they come home and immediately hit the shower, but it's not hot and they didn't hit the gym or done anything strenuous.

Fixing that one little cosmetic thing they have had for years.... like finally getting that toenail fungus under control, or that mole removed.....

All these out-of-character signs occurring at the same time, was what alerted me to his cheating:

* Suddenly starts having a passcode on his phone and gets agitated if you accidentally see his screen whilst he's using his phone.
* Says he's coming home at a certain time then shows up 9 hours later, with no explanation, and gets agitated when asked.
* Starts gaslighting, manipulating, screaming, compulsive lying and verbally abusing on a daily basis.
* Starts going to the gym daily even after a 12 hour work shift that involves hard labour.
* Starts being distant and refusing to communicate, screams at you that he doesn't want to talk at all, not even about the weather.
* All his friends (none who know me personally) start hating me out of nowhere, speaking ill of me to my face and behind my back, and wishing that I die.
* Starts to make future plans including overseas trips that don't involve me.
* Starts becoming obsessed with p**nography despite being strictly religious all his life.
* Starts eyeing off other women in public in front of me.
* Starts comparing me to other women and threatening me with other women.
* Starts getting physically a*****e upon seeing me upset about his above actions.

Turns out, it was revealed that he was on dating sites and was planning to send me over 700km away interstate against my will and pursue a relationship with another woman in his city, and send me money weekly and visit me on weekends to keep up the facade of a marriage. Yes this man was my husband. Now ex.

Advice to everyone out there: You can never change someone who sees no wrong in their actions. How someone treats you is a reflection of who THEY are.