Women can face particularly frustrating experiences when discussing their health with a doctor. Their concerns about pain and reproductive health may not always receive the attention and understanding they need.
Worse, they may even deal with insensitive and inappropriate responses. And if you’re wondering how bad things can get, here are some stories shared in a recent Reddit thread.
These accounts only prove that not every medical professional deserves to keep their license. If you have similar experiences you want to share, feel free to do so in the comments below.
#1
I was having an endometrial biopsy, first one. The old man doctor became irate with me because I let out a cry of pain. (I was in absolute agony). He looked at me with absolute disgust and said if I couldn't control myself, I could get up and leave. I suffered in silence, shaking uncontrollably. He never said another word to me, but his nurse came in and hugged me. I will never know why, but he was soon after relieved of his job and I cheered that day.
That man HURT ME. Badly.
That man HURT ME. Badly.
13points
#2
Went into premature labor at 16, so yeah I was a kid. Got pregnant my first time! Anyway, he put a speculum inside me to see if my water had broken. I was crying and tense, because it is uncomfortable as many of you know. A midwife held my hand, when I was starting to get a bit more upset he said and I quote “you weren’t crying when he shoved it up inside of you, were ya” referring to how I got pregnant. I was stunned. Even as an immature teen, i knew there was no way that was okay. I told my mam, who was in the waiting area, she ran around the hospital looking for him. I told a lovely delivery nurse who was amazing!! I guess he got fired because he never appeared at the new maternity hospital that opened ( all maternity hospitals shut down and went to one).
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12points
#3
"I guess you must be serious, if you brought your husband with you."
I was 8 months in to trying to figure out the cause of chronic pain that was getting progressively worse, and was being pretty much brushed off. This was the first time my husband went with me to an appointment, mostly just to drive me because I was in so much pain. Later we would find a tumor the size of a baseball in my abdomen ruining one of my kidneys.
I was 8 months in to trying to figure out the cause of chronic pain that was getting progressively worse, and was being pretty much brushed off. This was the first time my husband went with me to an appointment, mostly just to drive me because I was in so much pain. Later we would find a tumor the size of a baseball in my abdomen ruining one of my kidneys.
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12points
The stories on this list highlight a problem that many women face during their doctor's visits. According to pain psychologist Dr. Samantha Meints, women are "viewed as hysterical," which is why most of their health concerns are pathologized in a psychiatric way.
"Some of this is just due to social and cultural values," Dr. Meints said in an interview with Harvard Health. "It's a value for men to remain stoic in the face of pain or stress, while women are often more social and seek more support. The way they do that may be to share their difficult experiences, including pain."
#4
It was a psychiatrist who thought the band tshirt I was wearing was demonic and the reason for my anxiety. He prescribed me converting to his religion. When I gave him my email, and it was from my university he said “I thought only smart people went there”.
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12points
#5
Oh my goodness. The worst was after I’d had a couple of miscarriages and was pregnant again, seeing a specialist and found out at my six week ultrasound that pregnancy wasn’t viable either, but the baby had a heartbeat, but it was slowing so they were sure I would lose it too.
The specialist doc I was seeing got us in her office and she started laying out the plan for trying again “after this one’s over.”
The complete and total lack of empathy for me as I was processing the loss of a third pregnancy was devastating. I was livid and speechless at the same time.
I never went back to see her again.
20+ years later I can still get upset about it.
I work in the medical field now and have always taken the time to let someone process the news when it’s bad. It’s just not that hard.
The specialist doc I was seeing got us in her office and she started laying out the plan for trying again “after this one’s over.”
The complete and total lack of empathy for me as I was processing the loss of a third pregnancy was devastating. I was livid and speechless at the same time.
I never went back to see her again.
20+ years later I can still get upset about it.
I work in the medical field now and have always taken the time to let someone process the news when it’s bad. It’s just not that hard.
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12points
#6
A doctor told me that my pain in my lower abdomen was “probably just ovulation”, I knew he was wrong, went for a second opinion and was sent for an emergent CT. Ended up being appendicitis and was on the verge of rupture by the time the surgeon had me on the table.
Imagine assuming you know what ovulation pain feels like over the word of a woman who had been ovulating regularly for over a decade already at the time.
Imagine assuming you know what ovulation pain feels like over the word of a woman who had been ovulating regularly for over a decade already at the time.
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11points
There are also differences in pain thresholds between men and women. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Jamison, women are perceived to have a higher pain tolerance, which may lead to the frequent dismissal of their conditions.
"There's always this sense that women can go through childbirth, so they can withstand much worse pain than men," he said.
#7
He told me I was pregnant infront my immigrant mother when I was only 13.
I WAS NOT. He didnt even test me or anything. I went in complaining of lower abdominal pain, and then it turned out I had blood in my bladder from an infection.
I WAS NOT. He didnt even test me or anything. I went in complaining of lower abdominal pain, and then it turned out I had blood in my bladder from an infection.
10points
#8
Female doctor scraping my uterine lining for a biopsy that offers no sedatives or pain relief. I was gagging from the pain and the intense feeling of my insides being scraped away made me nauseous. She told me to take deep breaths. When she was done, she said “wow, that was hell for you!”
????
Any woman who’s undergone a procedure whether it be an IUD removal or also an endometrial biopsy will understand this pain.
????
Any woman who’s undergone a procedure whether it be an IUD removal or also an endometrial biopsy will understand this pain.
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10points
#9
What are you crying for? You wanted this.
Said to me by the anesthesiologist as I was being prepped for the d&c I needed because I’d had a miscarriage and not passed the remains. I absolutely did not want any of that.
Said to me by the anesthesiologist as I was being prepped for the d&c I needed because I’d had a miscarriage and not passed the remains. I absolutely did not want any of that.
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10points
Gender bias is one of the many ugly realities we deal with, and very unfortunately, it also happens in the medical field. Experts refer to this as "medical gaslighting," and according to a 2024 study, it is more prevalent among women.
The study revealed that 45% of women who were going through genital pain were told they "just needed to relax more." 39% were made to feel "crazy."
#10
"The reason you can't push your baby out (after four hours of pushing) is because you chose an epidural". Turns out he wouldn't come out because he had a double knot in his cord and every time he breeched he was starved of oxygen. Was too late for a C-section and luckily the next doctor was competent and got him out safely in one push/contraction. I would have punched her in the face if I wasn't preoccupied birthing a child. Also, the epidural was the best choice according to second doctor, as they had to cut me up to get babe out safely.
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9points
#11
Regarding my terrible cramps and mental health issues that came on only when I have (or am about to have) my period: "it might get better if you have children".
As if that completely baseless and unscientific wives-tale is justification for bringing a child into this world to *maybe* fix my PMDD??
I've had both male and female Drs suggest this to me. Unbelievable.
As if that completely baseless and unscientific wives-tale is justification for bringing a child into this world to *maybe* fix my PMDD??
I've had both male and female Drs suggest this to me. Unbelievable.
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9points
#12
Just got done nursing my first child and was ready to back on my ADHD medication. I was seeing a new primary care doctor since my old one retired. She asked me why I needed this medication and I told her my diagnosis should be in my medical chart. That apparently was not enough since she wanted details, when I explained my challenges she then said “how does your husband deal with you?”.
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9points
There's also a distinction between acute and chronic pain that, according to University of Sydney psychology professor Louise Sharpe, can complicate the discussion. As she explains, chronic pain becomes more difficult to deal with because it requires long-term treatment.
"Doctors wonder why patients don't improve with the same suite of treatments that worked for other patients. Meanwhile, patients want doctors to believe their pain is legitimate," Sharpe wrote.
#13
“No, that medication does not cause weight gain. It’s your depression that’s causing you to eat more.” Said to me by *two doctors*.
Flash forward a year - my cat is sick. They give her an appetite stimulant.
**Appetite. Stimulant.**
Same med as the one “not” causing my excessive eating and weight gain.
Flash forward a year - my cat is sick. They give her an appetite stimulant.
**Appetite. Stimulant.**
Same med as the one “not” causing my excessive eating and weight gain.
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8points
#14
Not necessarily what you were going for here, but one time I went to urgent care for a UTI and the hottest doctor I have ever seen in my life walked in and said, “Yeah, your urine is pretty dirty.”.
8points
#15
#1 female Dr. refused to prescribe me HRT for perimenopausal symptoms that made me feel like a dumb angry zombie. Told me, "Just power through like a real woman. I did." I told her to get lost before I walked out.
#2 saw male specialist for weird nerve pain in my hand. Completely ignores what I came in for and proceeds to wax poetic about his hot wheels collection.
#2 saw male specialist for weird nerve pain in my hand. Completely ignores what I came in for and proceeds to wax poetic about his hot wheels collection.
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8points
Doctors can't always provide the answers patients are looking for. However, at the very least, they can treat patients with compassion and respect. Seeking medical help is already intimidating, and dismissive, condescending behavior can only make the experience more frustrating.
Ladies, has a doctor ever said something that left you shocked or questioning your own concerns? Share your stories in the comments.
#16
He jokingly-but-not-*really*-jokingly complained that I hadn't shaved my legs before the appointment. He was a general practitioner, it was my first ever appointment with him, and the appointment was for a basic physical. I was 14.
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7points
#17
Telling my mom's story:
In the late 90's she had extreme fatigue, unexpected weight gain, and a few other symptoms. She had to drink caffeine nearly constantly just to function. She could sleep for 12+ hours if she didn't have an alarm. She went to the doctor who told her, basically, that her sedentary lifestyle was the problem.
She was busy raising 5 kids (age 9+) as a single mother working graveyard shifts at the airport to make ends meet. Meals were served, laundry was done, us kids were making it to school on time, the house was cleaned - she was not sedentary, but he wouldn't listen. Doc basically said "You're fat. Lose weight."
Years later she went to a different doctor. They did a quick blood check and what do you know it - she has Hypothyroidism.
In the late 90's she had extreme fatigue, unexpected weight gain, and a few other symptoms. She had to drink caffeine nearly constantly just to function. She could sleep for 12+ hours if she didn't have an alarm. She went to the doctor who told her, basically, that her sedentary lifestyle was the problem.
She was busy raising 5 kids (age 9+) as a single mother working graveyard shifts at the airport to make ends meet. Meals were served, laundry was done, us kids were making it to school on time, the house was cleaned - she was not sedentary, but he wouldn't listen. Doc basically said "You're fat. Lose weight."
Years later she went to a different doctor. They did a quick blood check and what do you know it - she has Hypothyroidism.
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7points
#18
My wife was vomiting in pain and the doctor gave her a "mind over matter" book.
The next week she was rushed into emergency surgery to remove her gallbladder.
The next week she was rushed into emergency surgery to remove her gallbladder.
7points
#19
ER nurse in my case. 1996. I was 22 years old, visiting my brother who lived in another state. Intense right quadrant pain sent me to the ER, and they needed an ultrasound right away so I had to be “filled up” and not allowed to drink the water. Received catheter on the spot (my first), and writhed in pain during insertion . ER nurse chided me, saying unless I’d birthed a child, I didn’t know pain. It wasn’t necessary a bad thing to say, but it was very unkind, and I was a frightened young adult. Turned out I had a large dermoid ovarian cyst, which I had surgically removed when I returned to my home state.
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7points
#20
Not a doctor but a psychiatrist. I was about 12 years old and I was seeing him for medication to treat severe anxiety. I was barely able to eat so I was at least 20 pounds underweight when I started going. We found a medication that worked and I finally started getting my weight back up. I was still skinny but finally in a healthy range
During one of my appointments, he told me that I needed to watch what I ate because I was starting to get fat. My mom was *livid.* We left the appointment early and never went back
I actually ran into him at the grocery store about 8 years ago. He recognized me and at least had the decency to look ashamed.
During one of my appointments, he told me that I needed to watch what I ate because I was starting to get fat. My mom was *livid.* We left the appointment early and never went back
I actually ran into him at the grocery store about 8 years ago. He recognized me and at least had the decency to look ashamed.
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7points
