Even in this progressive day and age, traditional roles and notions persist for each gender. There are general expectations of how men and women should act and dress, and those who subscribe to them will likely remain unchallenged.
Some may argue that these are outdated standards, but it nonetheless became a problem for this couple. The man decided to meet up with his girlfriend wearing a shawl, prompting her to question his masculinity.
The man later revealed that his partner broke up with him, all because of a piece of fabric often associated with femininity.
Couples can break up over the most inane reasons
Image credits: seleznev_photos / envato (not the actual photo)
This couple ended up calling it quits because the man met up with his girlfriend wearing a shawl
Image credits: filterface
The man later revealed that the same thing happened to his "Shawlbro"
He also included a photo of his friend wearing a shawl
Image credits: filterface
The strict adherence to traditional gender roles is often a byproduct of being overly attached to one’s identity
The man didn’t provide enough information about his girlfriend, but she seems to be too attached to the idea and definition of her “kind of man.” According to researcher, author, and Thought Method Company founder Lyndsey Getty, one reason could be that the person is too attached to their own identity.
“A woman who lives in a world where she was told she is made to breed children and take care of a man since she was born, and now has children and keeps a home, may have her entire identity wrapped around her gender roles,” she told Bored Panda, adding that making an entire identity shift is challenging because she likely wasn’t taught how to go about it.
Therapist and relationship coach Rich Heller shared a similar sentiment, saying people may use gender roles as an “unconscious blueprint” for love and what a partnership “should look like.”
That’s when it becomes a problem. Heller says when couples agree on these gender roles, the simplicity and straightforwardness may come at the cost of authenticity. In the story, the man's self-expression was challenged. As a result, the woman chose to withdraw from the relationship instead of engaging in a conversation.
“The rigidity makes intimacy impossible,” Heller said.
While such situations may seem impossible to navigate, Getty says a good first step would be to assess if it’s a dynamic that you want. As she noted, “making concessions in relationships is healthy, abandoning yourself is not.”
However, if you must discuss it, Heller advises focusing on values rather than surface traits. Ask your partner where their expectations are coming from, and express precisely what you need to feel seen and understood.
“But if your partner can’t or won’t grow with you, it’s okay to let go. You deserve to be with someone who embraces you as you are—not just the version that fits their script,” he stated.
Based on the author’s story, the problem shifted from something trivial to him feeling disrespected. The breakup may have been silly, but at that point, the relationship seemed far from salvageable.
People in the comments offered messages of support for the author
