54 Times A Routine House Call Turned Into Something Service Workers Never Expected

In another life I did maintenance work on government housing projects in what was then the 4th most dangerous city in the county. Most of the stories were depressing, but some of the lighter ones:

There was the elderly, blind pensioner who liked to listen to soap operas, so instead of picking up a second-hand Goodwill TV he went out and bought himself a high-end 72' inch television set: This was back when they were still cathode-ray-tubes and weighed about 600 pounds; we had to remove his double patio-doors to get the behemoth into the apartment and then it took up one entire end of his living room. The kicker was he just used an antenna to pick up local channels, but since he obviously couldn't see how to tune it, the screen was always *completely out of focus*: Just 72 inches of fuzziness and blur.

And in the same vein as some of the other stories in this thread: There was the apartment where I needed to go repair flush-valve on the toilet. I knew the tenant, perfectly nice woman. So, I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, myself or the lady of the house, when she escorted me to the bathroom and we both noticed at the exact same time that there was still a purple d***o suction-cupped to the top edge of the bathtub like some obscene latex monolith. After that she invited me to Christmas dinner. I declined, and I've never been able to figure out if those two incidents were related.

And then there was the time I went out during the middle of the day to a unit occupied by a married couple: My visit obviously surprised the wife, but she never objected to me being there (it was always an option to ask me to come back at a better time). I'm still not sure what she thought was going to transpire when I told her I was going to replace the broken clothes-hanger in the bedroom closet, but needless to say, when I opened the closet door and discovered that was the spot where her boyfriend had chosen to try and hide, we were all started enough to scream. Given that I was suddenly face-to-face with a yelling naked man, I think my scream was the most justified.

It was an interesting job: I would collect the shell casings that I found on the ground when doing my rounds. I lined them up next to each other, telling myself that when they filled the edge of my desk, I was quitting. Well, that happened in about the first month. I stayed for another 11 after that.

I do IT consulting, and where I am is one of the most cults-per-capita areas in the world. It makes sense that some of my clients wind up being cults. I've found myself in a number of *really* unusual situations, but the one that sticks out the most was a spiritual "tantric workshop". The whole thing was kinda nightmarish, delightfully topped with a 75 year old naked dude vigorously ringing a bell RIGHT next to my car, so i had to stand there and watch him and his pendulous balls fiercely swinging to and fro until I was able to leave.

This actually happened in my own home. I was 16 and my parents had not long separated and one of our toilets got badly clogged. With dad not being around my mum had to call a plumber. I was hanging around while he worked. He found about 50 crumpled up photos of my dad, clogging it up. With scorch marks. Apparently my mum tried to burn them and panicked and chucked them in the nearest water receptacle. To this day I question her logic but she was devastated and not sleeping so I kind of understand. Plumber was not amused. Bet he still tells stories about the crazy divorcee!

I'm an insurance adjuster. I had to present an estimate to both the homeowner and a life size mannequin that she had seated at the table that she told me to address as "Marie." While I was explaining the repair process, she started to paint Marie's nails.

Former satellite install tech here. I have many to add to this but the best was a family that had a Jaguar in the driveway, getting 3 HD DVR boxes, international dish with channels. They had NO FLOOR! I had to step over the piping and framing on the dirt floor to get from room to room. It was a rotten away wood floor. They were nice as hell.

Work as a Low Voltage Security installer (Home security and small business and the like).

I'm like 99% sure this one old lady we installed for was a N**i..

She had a VERY LARGE amount of Pro-N**i WWII books and items... hardcore german accent... two perfectly trained german shepherds.. And a photo of her in what looked to be late teens/early 20's with a god d**n Iron Cross around her neck.....

Nicest lady in the world and outside of visiting her home, you wouldn't have ever known. Her husband she married recently (within 5-7 years ago) is like this hardcore full blooded American guy (the kind who only buys "Made in America" items and what not).

Tech Support here. My job is to go clean up computers after you're done jacking it to dhaur63728hshifieihs.exe.

By far the weirdest house I went to was a shack out in the countryside. But I was more creeped out by the people than anything else. I'm used to working with older people, but there was something off with this t*******e of 70 year olds. Whatever. 1 hour and I'm out of here.

Their fapstation consisted of a cracked monitor and a crusty mouse and keyboard. Great. Boot up the computer. It's surprisingly new, Windows 7. Get to login screen and ask for password. He doesn't want to say it out loud so I let him type it in. Painstakingly slow, he pokes out "dragonslayer". How much more stereotypical can you get?

What feels like an eternity passes, the woman describes that she thinks he got the virus from a game. One of the men is laying on the bed half dressed on his bed while the other is grunting in the bathroom.

I'm greeted by Megan Fox on the beach. Then a popup saying local singles want to meet me. There were atleast a dozen popupa. But nothing beats the look of the woman when the gifs pop up. She looks at the guy on the bed with a speechless W*F. It's just as cringe worthy for me as well.

But the guy? He literally gives no f***s. All he says is "Just press ok" as he starts putting on a new pair of pants in the middle of a room. This is the most bizarre thing I've seen in a long time.

There's literally nothing I can do, I can't get the programs I need to remove the multi-layered s**t known as a man's paradise because his computer remains unresponsive for no less than five minutes as I sit there twiddling my thumbs as his wife is cussing him out.

Enough's enough, and I say we'll come back later to reformat as I awkwardly shuffle out the door.

Well, sometimes I work as a maid (what's the masculine version of that?) to make meets end. This one day I went to a seemingly normal apartment. The owner was a guy in his late 20's or early 30's. He went to work and left me cleaning there without much ado. When I went to clean his room, I bump into a dude (that the house owner didn't mention at all) and he's naked. There was even a d***o on the floor.

I didn't say a thing, but the two of them were hot. Me and hot dude stare awkwardily at each other for a while. I let him pick up his stuff and leave. Such is life in Brazil.

Stepped in s**t, the second I stepped in the house. Dog mess. The guy said don't worry about it. I heavy right footed all over his house. Gross. I left like 10 s****y footprints and proceeded to fix his A/C on the roof.

Another one, I knocked on the door, and the guy answered with his pants around his ankles. I said hey let me get my tools, be right back. I came back like 2 minutes later, and he is walking around pulling his pants up, unbuttoned, and they keep falling. For like 15 minutes while I'm troubleshooting.

Security system tech

Pretty sure i set up a grow house

Edit: fyi.....the security system doesnt have to alert the cops.

I fix appliances.
Once I was called out to fix a washer that was in their basement. When I got there the entire basement was covered in dog c**p and urine, they had a couple dogs and just let them go down there, never cleaned up. I have never been so glad I can't smell.

Handyman here, strangest things I'd ever seen were the times I had to unclog toilets because ladies flushed their tampons down the toilet, (Ladies: DO NOT FLUSH TAMPONS DOWN THE F*****G TOILET, IT WILL F**K UP YOUR PLUMBING) the time I had to unclog a toilet because "something" got stuck in it (it turned out to be a gigantic b**t plug, and no, it wasn't a s**y lady, it was a middle-aged dude.).

HVAC guy here.

Wasn't me, but one of my guys said he had a lady with a full scale 'dungeon.'

Plumber here. I was in an apartment doing a recipe in the bathroom. The tenant had a little dog that came over to say hi and then took a s**t on the carpet. I went in to the living room to let the tenant know and walked in on two dudes doing the nasty in the middle of the floor. Keep in mind, they were doing this knowing that there were two plumbers in their suite working!

Funny thing is, they were a little peeved at me for interrupting. I went back and told my buddy to stay out of the living room. I didn't tell him why because I knew he would walk and we had the water to the building shut off until we finished our work.

I had a side job working for a TV repair outfit. I was hired to drive the company truck, unhook the set, load it up, then return it once the repairs were complete.

On this particular occasion, the business owner decided to tag along with me to get out of the office. We knock on the door and immediately notice that EVERYTHING is white. White carpet, white couch, white mop dog, white-ish art on the walls, white everywhere...it was almost clinical. The guy held us at the door and handed us booties to wear. He wouldn't allow us in the house without wearing them. He didn't want us to track any dirt into the house. Whatever dude, just let me get the TV so we can get going.

We don the booties, walk in and start disconnecting and labelling cables and get ready to remove the TV from the wall. The guy walks into the living room from the kitchen with a huge bowl of tomato soup, trips over the dog and spills most of the bright red contents all over the carpet and couch. It was all I could do to keep from laughing while he fetched the carpet cleaning machine, cussing up a storm the whole time.

After removing the TV, and loading it up, we walked back to the door to let the man know what to expect, repair timeframe, etc. He wouldn't allow us back in without new booties, since we had gone outside and 'ruined' our current pairs, and was clearly upset that we had interrupted his cleaning. Through the opening in the doorway, I could see the little white mop-dog was under the dining room table in full s**t mode, squeezing one out onto the carpet.

I did some housework for a friend's step-dad for a while. I stopped because he wasn't paying me.

-He had a king sized bed that had a fitted sheet, two top sheets, a comforter, a throw blanket, ten pillows and little drape thingys.

-I found cr*ck pipes at least three times.

-A bottle of fancy champagne in a closet, half drunk and covered in dust

-Papers all around the bathtub. Piles and piles of papers.

-His wife was pretty much trapped there because if she left, one of their dogs would cry and cry and the dude would hurt him in some way. So she had to stay there all day.

-Oprah's channel played all day

Edit: this was a four floor quasi mansion.

And the dude slept alone. His wife slept downstairs, on the couch.

Electrician here. I when I was an apprentice I worked in a old lady's house who rescued parrots. Most of them had no feathers at all due to stress. So it was like working in a room full of live pieces of chicken that could swear at you.

A house that was basically a shrine for evil worship and witchcraft, and the owners were super creepy and kept offering me weird drinks. They had peepholes through walls so they could always just peer at other rooms, and I had eyes on me in each room. I'm familiar with their religion, and it was bizarre. There were statues and imagery of deities beheading people...

Lots of weird s****l s**t. Seems like other posts covered it.

I do general tech support, as well as set up internet connections. I once went to a customer's house who wanted her USB dial-up modem set up. I explained to her that she needed a dial-up provider, and I needed that information to set up her modem.

I got a bad vibe the entire time I was talking to her. I'm pretty sure she was schizophrenic or bipolar. She definitely was agoraphobic, and paranoid about the things I was telling her. She thought I was trying to scam her, or "plant evidence" (which she'd said other people throughout her life had tried to do to her).

Her speech pattern was erratic, and she went on and on about people trying to get her to do things or harm her in her life. I started to think that maybe she was just f*****g with me, hard, but after a half-hour of listening to her stream-of-consciousness form of conversation, I knew she had to have something wrong with her. It reminded me of a family member with bipolar when they are in their manic phase.

I couldn't convince her that I was telling her the truth about her having to have a dial-up provider, with a username and password, not just a modem. She started blaming me for her not being able to connect to the internet, and I ended up having to excuse myself after she got angry and upset about it.

After I got back to the office, I told my coworkers about everything that had transpired, and put a note in her file that if anybody does tech support for her in the future, not to go to her house alone.

My boyfriend works for a moving company.

Over the summer he had a job kinda late in the day (like 630 or 7 PM, it was the last one). He was in a really rich part of town and the job was to move some stuff from a tiny office to some chicks basement. So he and his partner load it all up and head over.

They get to the house and the chick answers the door in a white silk teddy and little silk shorts. She was about 45-50, but apparently in great shape. She told them to start taking boxes inside and downstairs, so they did. In the first five minutes some younger guy (he suspects it was her son) comes downstairs and is promptly sent to the grocery store, leaving my boyfriend and his coworker alone with this cougar.

So they are taking boxes downstairs and she is directing them around, verbal and physically. Lots of touching the hips and shoulders and muscles. At one point she fed my boyfriend chocolates by hand and grabbed his a*s quite firmly. She also gave them a tour of her basement, complete with "goddess room". This was a bedroom, painted dark red, candles everywhere, with a huge four post bed in the middle. There were big glass jars full of coconut oil on the bedside tables, b**t plugs and d***os on the dresser, and my boyfriend reported that everything in the basement was all slippery.