30 People Reveal Their “Dirty Lil Secrets” They Will Probably Never Say Out Loud

I have a kitten I'm feeding without my wife's knowledge. She hates cats and I found one on the street. Every night before I go home I stop by the store and get cat food. She always asks me why I come home late every other night. I say I'm working. Or out with the guys, but I sit and talk to this stray cat about my problems and how mu day was. I named her senua. From senuas sacrifice.

I know exactly the rules for helping the children in my public education classroom but I still bring cold kids coats, hungry kids food, kids with terrible shoes better shoes, and hugs/long conversations for any child that asks. If any admin is pissed I’m giving a apple and a sandwich to a kid, I claim ignorance, the school system is so strained they won’t fire me so I am doing what I can during this time.

I had a counselor who straight up turned some of my Ds to Bs when I changed schools before my senior year. I had a super rough home life and I told her about it when she asked why my test scores were very high and my grades were low. Thanks to her bumping up my GPA, I was able to get into college. I know it’s probably not 'right' and she risked her job, but that woman legit probably saved my life. I saw her about a year ago out in public and gave her the biggest hug.

The CEO of the company is a micromanager who wants to make even the tiniest decisions.

He has a coffee mug with the text: Rule 1: I am always right Rule 2: When not, see rule 1.

It might be a joke, but I feel it's a constant subliminal message he sends himself. So, I hid the mug a couple of months ago.

I just left the company last week, and did not return the mug.

ETA: Thanks for the awards, this is now my top comment.

At the time he looked for it frantically searching all offices and enquiring us if we are using 'his' mug.

I played dumb obviously and laughed my ass off.

I did not steal it, I am 6'6 no one else in the company is, and it sits on top of the kitchen cabinets, just out of sight and reach.

I lost the school spelling bee on purpose. The girl I was against put a lot of time and effort into it, whereas I basically just showed up. Plus, she was more on the nerdy side, not a lot going outside of school… and I felt she needed a victory. She missed a word, I purposefully missed it to keep her in. This happened a few times. Later, I missed one on purpose to give her the victory. She went on to the state competition. The teacher giving the words threw me a look of disgust, as she knew what I did. Oh well…

I'm a therapeutic foster parent. When kids leave us to go back home, I am usually really happy for them (unless I don't think their family is going to be able to handle things safely, then I am worried as could be) but I am also selfishly completely heartbroken. I think about our former kids all the time. When they go home, I try to write our name and phone number in a bunch of their books so they can maybe find us again. And I keep my Facebook page as unlocked as possible hoping they will feel they can reach out if they need anything. I want to foster forever, but I also wonder if I can keep saying goodbye like this. It absolutely guts me and I know I have no right to feel that way.

My ex-husband left, no warning, cheated pretended I didn’t exist. 1 year later he wants the sofa because he bought it! Due to the lock-down happing just after his request, he had to wait a while before he could pick it up. I proceeded to have sex all over that sofa, throughout lockdown, with new boyfriend! Ex now has the sofa back.

Third grade, 1953. Somebody passed out a box of lollipops to the class. There was an extra. I took it.

I can no longer live with this shame.

When i was in high school, i failed second semester of biology. So here comes the next year and i have to retake it. Again, i pass first semester but fail second semester which means retaking the entire class.

Well, i transferred schools after that. When i was getting all my transfer information looked over in the office at the new school, the woman noticed i had two passed first semesters but never passed a full class.

I said “passing two semesters is KINDA like the full class”, she winked, and that was that. no more bio.

so i guess it’s OUR dirty little secret.

When I was 15 or 16, I was in an abusive relationship and he would want to go out and I had to pay, but if I didn't have money he would get mad. So I would take money out of my grandma's savings box every time he would make me go out.
It made me so guilty, but she never said anything, so over the years and after a lot of therapy now that I'm an adult and have a job and all, I put money from my salary in her box without her noticing. I think I've already paid back everything I took, but I don't want to stop. It hurts to think if she ever was affected by what I did...no matter the reason I did it.

I got an $8,000 dollar scholarship, due to a clerical error, for having above a 3.7 GPA all semester but my GPA was actually 3.07

A co-worker retired and I inherited one of his reports, which is one of my employer's Key Performance Metrics. Every two weeks it would take him an entire 8 hour day to complete.

The first week I was able to automate most of it down to 1 hour. Over the next nearly 10 years, I've improved it to the point that it runs in less than a minute, then 14 minutes to quality check it. I then spend the next 8 hours surfing reddit, watching movies, doing whatever I want in my office from home.

All this time, I've told my boss it takes me 8 hour to perform, and sometimes I'll tack on extra hours because of "technical issues". No questions asked as long as its in his inbox by COB Friday.

About 8 years ago I had a conversation with a coworker who works for my boss' boss. It turns out he recieves the report on Monday and never reads it. It gets filed away and the only time they get looked at is during an audit. I've had to discuss the reports just twice, and showed them an "SOP" I wrote that demostrates how it's done (without the automation). Auditor checks the box, next item...

Whenever I'm on vacation, I turn the SOP over to someone else who'll have to compile the report by hand. When I get back, they've alway mentioned "How do you do all that in just 8 hours???" At this point I've charged my boss nearly an entire year for sitting on my [butt]

I never wrote my 7th grade science paper on Dysentery, and when my teacher asked me if I turned it in, I said yes.

She looked through all of the papers and stacks of paperwork on her very crowded desk, and she said she "knew she saw it there somewhere."

I got a B for a paper I never wrote.

Sorry Ms. Weber.

I slept with my mom’s friend. She was younger than my mom. She was 32 and I was 20 at the time. She stopped me one day as I was walking by her apartment and asked if I could take a look at her laptop because the “wifi wasn’t working.” I said of course and started looking for the cause of it. While I was on her couch with the laptop she comes out of the kitchen with a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. At that point I knew the real reason I was there. Needless to say, there was nothing wrong with her wifi.

When I was a kid, my mom took away my favorite computer game CD for a few weeks as punishment for something I did. (Bad grade I think?)

I found where she hid it, photocopied the CD label, cut out the print, glued it to a blank disk, and put that in the place of the real CD. (Surprisingly she never noticed!)

I played it when no one else was home. Its been 18 years, and I still haven't told her!

I act a lot stupider at work so they don’t rely on me too much

When our phone was disconnected (1990's) for non-payment, I dialed 911 to see if they would still pickup (they did) but I hung up right away. Ten minutes later the cops showed up at my door, and I blamed it on the kids.

It wasn’t raccoons that spilled that paint in the garage in 1993. It was me

When I was a kid, I farted into a little box over and over for a full year. It was a tin some christmas cookies came in with a picture of Santa on it. Every single time I had to fart, I lifted the lid, “put it in the box”, and quickly closed it. Before long, the box was successfully weaponized and ready for deployment. When my brother was mean to me, I’d steal his Oakleys (expensive horrible 90’s sunglasses) and put them in the box to, um, marinate overnight. Then I’d quietly return them.

My brother continually complained to my mom about how they smelled and that they’d sold him “a bad pair,” and wanted new ones. She was like hell no dude. So he just kept wearing them til they broke.

So basically I farted into my brother’s eyes for a year. Never told anyone.

When I was about 8-9 I was sent to a summer camp for 1 month. My sister, who was 14, also was there. Never been away from my parents before. This camp was located around Lake Delton wisconsin. I remember the cabins in the woods. Now I don't know if I had arachnophobia before this experience, but I recall that the toilet stalls had dozens of daddy longleg spiders all over, and I was so scared I just held It in for about 4-5 days. Well.. One day I just couldn't hold it anymore and had to make a run for the toilets. I semi ran/walked to The toilets, trying to hold it in, made it In to the main area where the sinks are and just couldn't hold it anymore and just quickly, with one hand, pulled down my pants from behind and dropped the biggest dump on the tile floor, all while still in motion towards the toilet. Thank God no one was in there to see this. When I stepped out, a large group had formed out side and inside one of the staff was covering his face with one hand and holding a hoes in the other.No one suspected me.. .. I thanked God that no one found this out as if they had, the rest of my stay there would have been utter torment.

Fast forward about 30 years.. Im at my parents house with my wife.. My sister is there as well, brothers. Anyway.. We're talking and camp comes up. Told her that it was Me who did that... She nearly laughed to death, Saying "the entire camp talked about this all summer". Hate spiders up until this day.

Good times.