30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents

If you also are carrying big secrets with you, be careful. They hurt. Turns out, secrecy is associated with lower well-being, worse health, and less satisfying relationships. Researchers have been linking secrecy to increased anxiety, depression, symptoms of poor health, and even the more rapid progression of disease. The explanation for this is kinda intuitive: hiding secrets is hard work. You have to be careful with what you say and if people ask you about something related to the secret, you must not let it slip through. This requires evasion and/or deception, which can be really exhausting.

New research, however, suggests that the harm of secrets comes not from keeping it, but from having to live with it.

To better understand the harms of secrecy, scientists set out to understand what secrets people keep in the first place. They found that 97 percent of people have at least one secret at any given moment, and people have, on average, 13 secrets. A survey of more than 5,000 participants revealed that common secrets include preferences, desires, issues surrounding relationships and sex, cheating, infidelity and violations of others' trust.

The paper states that when a person confides a secret to a third party, it does not reduce how often they have to conceal the secret from others who are still kept in the dark. Rather, it reduces how often their mind ponders about the secret in irrelevant moments.

Revealing a secret can feel cathartic and relieving. But mere catharsis may not be enough. When confiding a secret, the conversation that follows is what's really helpful. People report that when they share a secret with another person, they often receive emotional support, useful guidance, and helpful advice. These forms of support make them feel more confident and capable in coping with carrying the secret. So it's important to talk about what you're hiding. Even with the Internet. Anonymously. A single conversation can lead to a healthier mind.