Relationships,FamilyNOV 29, 2023

50 Times People Found Things They Shouldn’t Have While Clearing Dead People’s Things

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Few families have no secrets, but some members are better at keeping them than others. Some take said secrets to the grave, but what they leave behind might be enough for the information to come out.

Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently discussed such information after u/WhoAllIll asked them what secrets were revealed when cleaning out the home of a deceased family member. Netizens shared stories covering all sorts of scenarios, ranging from bizarre to hilarious and even shocking. Scroll down to find them on the list below and see for yourself why some people kept their lips sealed until the end of their days.

Below you will also find insight on family secrets shared by the author of 'The Secret Life of Secrets', Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia Business School, Michael Slepian, as well as thoughts from the OP, who answered a few of our questions in a recent interview.

#1

50 Times People Found Things They Shouldn’t Have While Clearing Dead People’s Things

this isn't 'cleaning out their home', but when my husband died a few years ago i found several notes/letters he had scattered in various places around our home, written to me in advance (he had terminal cancer & knew he was dying). some were marked 'open when you can't stop crying' 'open when the holidays are too rough' 'open when you have to put one of the cats to sleep'.

they didn't contain any secrets but they are heartbreakingly beautiful.

miss_trixie, Suzy Hazelwood

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658points

#2

I'm African American and my husband is white. My father faced a lot of prejudice during his lifetime and I was terrified of telling him that the 'white guy' I'd been on a date or two with I was getting serious with. The first time I brought my now husband home, my dad was courteous but distant. Miraculously, by the second time my father literally gushed all over my husband. Even my siblings were shocked. When we got married, he was beaming. It was odd, but I was just happy my husband had won him over.

My mom died in 2014 and my father in 2021. When my siblings and I went to clean out the house, in his safe along with other important documents, we found letters that my husband had written to my father 24 years before about how he felt about me, how he was serious about his relationship with me, how he was planning to go to law school (he did, he's an attorney now) how he respected that he'd gone through so much in his lifetime, and eventually how he loved me and how with his blessing, he was going to propose. My husband never told me he'd written my father and my father never told me he'd been corresponding with my husband. It was so emotional finding those. I still tear up when I think about it. When I got home, my husband finally showed me the letters my father had written back.

lorettadion, sue hughes

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580points

#3

My grandpa died when he was 80 - his wife died 21 years before him she was only 55. He never really got over it.

When we were cleaning up his stuff we found an old simple birthday card written by my grandma for my grandpa a couple months before she died. On the back of the card, there were 21 lines written in pencil. Each year, my grandpa would write on the back of the card the date and the year of his new birthday. With a different small note beside it each year. Like, “miss you terribly this time”, or “you would have liked the weather today”.

All up to his last birthday. Broke my heart. The greatest love I’ve ever witnessed.

Suspicious-Lobster-4, Mikhail Nilov

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422points

The OP told Bored Panda that they haven’t been in a situation of finding anything shocking about a deceased loved one themselves. The reason they decided to start the thread on such a topic was based more on their own life. “I was going through my own childhood stuff and wondered what picture it would paint of me if someone else was doing it,” they said.

#4

My dad kept a handwritten note in his wallet containing my mom’s old address, phone number, and directions to her house from when they first started dating in the 70s. He had moved it from wallet to wallet over the years. ❤️ He just died this past March and that was one of the first things we found.

Jinx5326, Lukas

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353points

#5

My uncle didn’t die of brain cancer which was communicated to the family. He died of HIV. He was gay, he was madly in love with his partner, and because his immediate family his partner was not allowed in the hospital to say goodbye. I inherited some of my uncle’s things. In it was a large stack of love letters from his partner. They were so in love, and hid it from everyone. It hurts.

RelativeDatabase, Rhodi Lopez

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341points

The redditor shared that they were surprised about how many wholesome responses they received from the online community. That might be because, according to the author of 'The Secret Life of Secrets', Assoc. Prof. Michael Slepian, the most common reason for secrecy is protection.

“By keeping secrets, people often intend to protect their relationships, such as by protecting someone's feelings (not wanting to hurt someone) or by protecting one's reputation in the eyes of others (not wanting to look bad in front of others),” he explained in a recent interview.

#6

Grandpa did drawings of the faces of the people he killed in WW2. Nobody knows why but my grandma said he had a lot of guilt over the things he saw so my guess is he didn't want to forget them or didn't feel like he should be allowed to forget them.

Reckless_Pixel, Valeria Strogoteanu

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295points

#7

Cleaning out my grandpa's apartment we found different pieces of a handgun scattered around. He struggled on and off with depression, and apparently, he did it so that if he was thinking about taking his life, he would have to go find all the parts and give himself time to talk himself out of it.

MaryTWilliamsa, Damir Samatkulov

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289points

#8

My brother found giant pickle jars of coins, mostly pennies, in our grandpas garage. Turned it into cash and it was nearly 400 dollars. He took everyone helping clean that day to my grandpas favorite restaurant for dinner. 🥰

Pristine_Frame_2066, Towfiqu barbhuiya

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287points

Michael Slepian suggested that one of the reasons people often want to know someone’s secret is the natural curiosity to learn about the things that are hidden away. “We look at a wrapped gift for us under the Christmas tree, and we can't help but wonder what's inside,” he pointed out.

#9

Nan was rich af. She left 90% of her money to a dog charity. Didn't bother me but my cousins still haven't got over it.

TravisInLondon, Matt Nelson

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281points

#10

A diary with only a few entries from my uncle who lived alone. One of the entries was about how sad he was to have never met anyone or had children and how lonely he was. Broke my heart.

abybacb, JESHOOTS.COM

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279points

#11

My dad was in hospice at home for a couple months before he died of lung cancer, and when I went to clean out his house I found that he had already sorted and packed away most of his personal treasures in couple storage bins. It was heartbreaking all over again thinking of him sitting there packing up his own life knowing it was coming to an end.

F0regn_Lawns, DoubleXz94

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264points

The expert believes that it’s uncommon for a person to plan to take their secret to their grave; and even though their goal might be to keep a secret forever, sometimes they get discovered nevertheless.

“I've heard multiple stories now of people learning of their parents' secrets after they've passed away. One of the drawbacks of taking a secret to the grave is that there is absolutely no chance for the person who learns the secret to discuss it with the secret keeper.

“I recently learned of a secret my grandmother had been keeping—a family secret that involved me—and I wish she hadn't. She's passed away now, but if I had learned the secret sooner, I could have told her that her concerns were not warranted. I could have made her feel much better about it, if we had the chance to discuss it,” Slepian shared.

#12

My mother and her siblings found a still in my 91 yr old great grandmothers cellar. She always grew a huge potato crop. My little old Polish great-grandmother was making vodka apparently.

tdm1742, Marco Antonio Victorino

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258points

#13

Grandmother climbed Mt. Rainier, in WA, in a woolen skirt. Summit and all.

perfidity, Caleb Riston

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230points

#14

Found my grandparents wedding certificate, which didn’t match the date everyone else had. Their ‘original’ date was 9 months before my aunt was born. The certificate was dated about 5 months before she was born.

TheLastMongo, Abbey Chapman

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219points

“Family secrets are among the most common kinds of secrets, and so it is perfectly normal to have a family secret that others who are outside the family don't know about. Keeping secrets from family members is also highly common,” the author of 'The Secret Life of Secrets' pointed out, adding that family life and relationships tend to get complicated; so does life, in general.

“If learning of a family secret is to drop a major bombshell into the family, it's likely family members will need to cope with the new information. One of the main reasons why our secrets so often hurt us is that we tend to not cope effectively with them, because we try to do it on our own without others' help. Healthy coping comes from discussions with trusted others. Discussing the information with others can make a world of difference.”

#15

That my dad hid money all over the house, not huge amounts mind you, but $60 here, $120 there. Felt like a bit of a scavenger hunt when we were cleaning out his stuff. He was always a bit of a sneakily generous guy, always gave me and my brothers a secret handshake with money tucked in his palm when we’d go back to school after a weekend home, etc, so wouldn’t be surprised if he’d done it intentionally. Made us smile every time we found some, iirc I think the final total was somewhere around $800.

Mzunguman, Karolina Grabowska

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203points

#16

My 97 year old uncle had a very decent pot stash and pipe collection.

cupcakepnw, CHUTTERSNAP

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203points

#17

My step-grandma had been married 5 more times than she told my grandpa she had been.
He was her 9th husband, not her 4th

UltraCuteOfDeath, Jeremy Wong Weddings

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203points

#18

I found a hidden 38 revolver in my late stepfather’s bookshelf. Every bullet in the gun had the name Steve written in sharpie. No one had ever heard of him.

natronmooretron, Velizar Ivanov

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197points

#19

I'm a huge dorkus. Have worked in three comic shops. Have a huge collection. When the gf that would eventually become the wife and I moved into a house together, She flipped her s**t about how many long boxes of comics I had and the space they took up. Sports cards and binders of other non-sports cards... huge Magic the Gathering collection as well. We lived in that house for six years. Me and the son moved out after she passed away. As I was going through the closet my comics and binders of cards where in I found two small boxes that were NOT MINE... I found her collection of Pokémon cards and a full set of Nightmare Before Christmas cards. With her hand written notes on the set list. She had added her small collection of books to mine without me even knowing.

My wife was a secret nerd.

cl0ckw0rkman, Mari Helin

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196points

#20

After my Grandfather died, I asked my Dad to quietly go through his Dad's bedroom while I took my Grandmother out to lunch. I explained that GrandDad might have racy magazines about, that would be upsetting to GrandMa if she found them. So just, be a good son and save your Mom from that.

When we got back, my Dad was nearly hysterical, half laughing, half barfing, and pulled me into the garage to debrief. Apparently, my Grandfather was exactly the devout Catholic that he had appeared to be. And what my poor father had found in the bedside table was a stack of cheesecake pictures - of his own mother.

TruCelt, Miray Bostancı

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192points

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