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Blake Lively and her co-stars made gossiping look cool back in the mid-2000s when they acted in the hit series Gossip Girl. If you're unfamiliar with the show, it follows a group of ultra-elite, hyperprivileged Manhattan private-school teens kids who seem to get away with anything and everything. But there's an anonymous blogger watching their every move... and broadcasting it to the world.
While the series had people glued to their screens, waiting for the latest gossip and scandal to be revealed, in real life, rumors can be extremely harmful and even dangerous.
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Experts warn that gossip and rumors can destroy someone’s self-confidence and self-esteem, lead to depression, thoughts of self-harm, eating disorders, anxiety, and a host of other issues.
Gossip and rumors are similar but not the same. "Rumors are pieces of information or stories that have not been verified, meaning the person telling the story does not know for certain if it is true or not. Whereas gossip is usually an embarrassing personal detail shared to incite shock," explains Sheri Gordon, an author, Certified Professional Life Coach, and Bullying Prevention Advocate.
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If you thought 21 jump street was unrealistic think again. Cop was a 33 year old male and undercover for like half the semester.
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The rumor was that they were sleeping with each other, because people would see them doing things after school, like running together and go out to eat somewhere. These rumors were later blew off as nothing because even though he was the principal, he still devoted his time to an after school jogging/running class to help students and teachers stay active and keep in shape and buying dinner at McDonald’s for a student isn’t the same as taking them somewhere more extravagant like steakhouse.
After I came back as a junior from summer break. Everyone in are class and in the entire school found out that they both got married and were expecting their first child together. He was married with children from a previous marriage that ended after the girl graduated from high school.
Gordon says that rumors are typically spread from person to person and, like broken telephone, can change slightly each time they are told. As a result, she says, they can become exaggerated and altered over time.
"Rumors can involve just about any topic and often run the gamut," adds the expert. "Most of the time, people who spread rumors do not bother to determine if there is any truth to what they are saying."
Gossip, on the other hand, usually involves shocking or personal details about someone, and is spread behind their back. "Gossip almost always causes pain and humiliation," warns Gordon.
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What’s wild is that the kids in Jr. High actually had a baby shower for this 7th grader as she got close to full-term, and all brought in packs of diapers and formula for her on a designated day. With the teachers, principal, and probably the school district in support of this.
The year was 1984-1985.
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So why do teenagers (and adults) engage in this harmful behavior? Experts say there are several reason some people love to gossip or spread rumors...
One is to make cover up their own shortfalls. "When people feel bad about themselves, they sometimes target other people to try to make themselves feel better," Gordon explains. "As a result, they talk about others to deflect attention from themselves."
Another is to be part of the circle, fit in, or be seen as cool. They may feel like they won't be accepted if they don't join the nasty rumor mill, and often, says Gordon, peer pressure plays a big part in spreading rumors or gossip.
Australian educator, writer, speaker, and consultant Linda Stade says for some kids, gossip is a form of currency. "The amount of information you have about others is a measure of how connected you are," she explains. "Connection is status."
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Eventually, she had to fess up to faking the seizures all along when she signed up for basic training, which she never even completed. Unfortunately this was after we all graduated, so we never got to apologize to her sister :/.
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Some people spread rumors or gossip purely for clout.
"When teens know a secret that nobody else knows or are the first person in the group to hear a rumor, they become the center of attention," explains Gordon. "As a result, kids who are trying to fit in or climb the social ladder might use gossip and rumors as tools to gain popularity."
Then there are the power-hungry gossipers. These people will go to great lengths to be be in control, even if it means putting others down.
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It was a small town, and the day after the robbery/m****r it seemed like *everyone* at school was talking about this kid being involved.
Someone else was convicted, an older former student, and the rumour sort of faded out. We all graduated, some of us moved away, and the rest of us avoided the psycho.
A decade or so later, he was arrested and convicted of the m****r when his accomplice flipped on him to get parole.
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About a year later they broke up and totally stopped interacting. Rumors started that their parents got involved or found out and shut it down, and it was again left to speculation.
At our five year reunion somebody who knew their family said that it turned out the rumor about them being cousins wasn't true. They were half siblings and didn't even know until their parents put it together one day.
So kind of true?
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Gordon notes that some people indulge in gossip simply because they're bored. They need drama and get a first-class ticket to the rumor mill in order to add some spice to their lives.
"As hard as teachers try to make their lessons enthralling, the most interesting thing about school for most kids is…other kids. When something notable happens, it is discussed. If nothing notable happens, stories become embellished," says Stade.
Gordon cites a study, which found that people’s natural curiosity can cause them to seek information even when it is not useful for them personally. Getting their hands (or ears) on that information brings about warm, fuzzy feelings.
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He literally cut a hole in the ceiling of a closet within a closet and snuck a mini fridge up there. Only got caught when he plugged too many things in and caused power issues in the school. They had an inspector come in to find the issue and he was like, "Why's there an extension cord going up into the ceiling?"
Kid got wind of it and managed to clear everything out (had a rug, chair, lamp, and other stuff in addition to the mini fridge) by the end of the day. They still caught him a few days later, but it was impressive.
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A more sinister reason that some people spread rumors is to seek revenge. Whether out of jealousy, or in response to something the person did to them, they use gossip and false stories to hurt or get back at someone. As far as the gossiper is concerned, the other person deserves it.
Stade says it's important to teach children the dangers of spreading rumors or gossiping. This also means educating them on not indulging in it. They can learn to speak up against gossip, or even say nothing at all...
“When someone is gossiping, look away and don’t say anything. Don’t smile or nod. Say nothing and then change the subject,” advises Stade.
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I actually made friends with her because we both walked the mile in PE, and I felt bad that people were spreading this rumor and making fun of someone who obviously is trying to better themselves for their baby.
Well, turns out, it was actually her 5th kid. She had one set of twins at the age of 13. Then at 14 she was trying to be a mother of 2 and finish 9th grade, but she got pregnant again and dropped out. I realize now that the entire situation was very concerning. I hope she got some guidance.
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