#21
"Further, students may begin college with a hope of becoming close friends with their roommates; it can be very disappointing if that doesn’t happen," Mary Dell continued. "Two strangers are asked to live in one small room and amicably deal with inevitable clashes that arise from sharing and negotiating use of that space."
"While it’s easy to agree on when to turn off lights and loud music, it’s uncomfortable to address conflicts around hygiene, intimate relationships in the room, abusing the college's policies around drinking and drug use," she noted. "These last three things are the things that the many, many parents of college students tell us that their teens are having conflicts with. If there are problems - big issues - that roommates don’t address early on, the living situation can become even more tense, and problems can snowball."
#22
#23
She essentially drove all of us out of the apartment, and when we moved out, the vacuum broke, so the carpet wasn't as pristine as we had hoped. So then she texted us to chew us out for leaving the apartment "dirty."
10 years later and I still get phantom smells of the compost.
#24
When it comes to the most important topics to discuss with a potential roommate, Mary Dell says, "Sleeping hours and lights out agreement, study habits and what each roommate's expectations/needs are, noise (including music and friends in the room), cleaning and any shared responsibilities, socializing in the room (including with intimate partners), and what is okay to share (mini-fridge, printer, etc.)"
#25
#26
We were both introverted and hung out outside the room regularly first semester, but second semester I started hanging out with other friends and she didn't like that. Whenever I would be back to the room 'late' (like 10pm) she would be pissed at me and talk about how I wasn't her friend anymore. When I said I'd been hanging out with so-and-so she'd give me silent treatment. At one point she freaked out so bad she mentioned [self-harm] and I had to get the RA involved.
She also never left the room except for class or food, so I never had a moment to myself, and when I did come back to the room she was usually pissed at me for something. She also let so many dishes pile up, I saw mold in cups and bowls regularly.
She wanted to move into apartment-style dorm sophomore year and tried to convince me to go in on one with her. I said I wanted to live in a different building and that set her off crying and another round of silent anger. But I was glad to move building and get away from her.
#27
No, but seriously I had a roommate straight up punch me in the face because I told everyone any dishes in the sink I will wash and put in the dishwasher. I was never taught about cast iron skillets so it was in the sink for like two days and I thought I was being nice washing it for him. He physically assaulted me.
The expert also shared some advice for anyone who's struggling with their current roommate. "Minimize the time you spend in your dorm room: It’s crucial to make connections with other people and organizations on campus regardless of how well you get along with your roommate, especially during the first few weeks of college," Mary Dell shared. "Find quiet places to study other than the dorm room."
"Try to resolve conflicts with the roommate on your own. Focus on significant issues and learn to compromise, be flexible and adapt. If there are still big conflicts, enlist the advice and help of the RA," she added.
#28
I went over one time and she was screaming at her bc she had divided the sink in two, and you could only use your side, but the water from her side got the other side wet.
She really needed professional help.
#29
#30
Turns out she saw me as her BEST friend and became very jealous + possessive when I started making new friends on campus. She demanded a "best friend day" (day where I spent it all with her and only her) when I got into a relationship to prove that I wasn't abandoning her.
On top of that she was extremely sheltered and babied. She would only wash her hair once a week, so that her mom could visit and straighten it for her (no one else could do it right apparently). Which, okay, yes some people just wash their hair once a week... but I'm pretty sure this girl only showered her whole body once a week as well, based on, erm, smells. She claimed she showered everyday, just when I wasn't there.
That roommate situation lasted a year before I couldn't anymore lol.
Finally, Mary Dell says it's important to consider everything college students are going through when they move in with a new roommate. "Most first year students are homesick, which can make it even harder for students to adjust to living with a stranger," she noted. "They’re under a fair amount of stress from leaving home and everyone in their lives who they knew and loved. They may not be at their emotional best when thrown into a difficult living situation with a stranger, which amplifies conflicts and can make resolutions even harder."
