There’s an unwritten rule that you shouldn’t date your child’s nanny. Many men, including some celebrities, have found out the hard way. But what if you aren’t the boss? Would it be okay to date a nanny employed by one of your friends?
One 43-year-old man seems to think so. He doesn't see the issue with pursuing a young woman who has recently started working for a couple he knows. When they warned him to stop, he took to the internet to ask for advice. What he wasn’t expecting was for his friend to pop up in the comments and set the record straight. It turns out the guy had only told part of the story, and the truth is a lot more dodgy…
Don’t date the nanny: it’s an unwritten rule that many men have failed to follow
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
One 43-year-old got more than he bargained for when he hit on his friend's 24-year-old child minder
Image credit: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Throwaway_Nannydate
"Half your age plus 7": Many people agreed the guy was being creepy and inappropriate
Some saw nothing wrong with him pursuing the nanny
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
In an unexpected twist, Ella's boss entered the chat to set the record straight
Image credits: Jakeyouahole
Netizens thanked the father for protecting the nanny
Many were shocked, and called out Jake for his "disgusting" behavior
Image credit: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The father gave an update on the situation once he'd had a chance to check the text messages
Image credits: Jakeyouahole
Dads who date the nanny tend to have one thing in common... here’s what it is, according to experts
It’s as cliche as it comes: A couple hires someone they trust to care for their child, the dad crosses the line and messes everything up. Jude Law has done it, Gavin Rossdale, too. Arnold Schwarzenegger even got his one pregnant. Robin Williams and Ethan Hawke went on to marry their child minders.
Age differences aside, it’s considered highly inappropriate to pursue the nanny. For one, it creates a major power imbalance. As an employer, you are paying the person to care for your children and they depend on you for income and sometimes even housing. Is them saying “yes” to your advances true consent? Or are they just agreeing because they feel pressured and are afraid to lose their job?
When an employer dates the nanny, it can also cause the focus to shift from professional childcare to personal drama and relationship dynamics.
If you do happen to start a relationship with them and it ends badly, what then? At best, things might get a little awkward around the house. At worst, they could end up without a job, with a compromised career reference and possibly even taking you to court.
Your child, who has likely grown close to this person, will have to deal with losing them, and the mess you’ve caused can emotionally confuse or even destabilize them. And finally, if you’re married or in a relationship, it goes without saying that dating the nanny can bring an abrupt end to that. Is it really worth the betrayal, chaos, and family breakdown?
According to licensed clinical psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula, dads who go after the nanny have one thing in common: they’re ego-centric. Getting an employee into bed is an eg boost, and drives home the message that they’re the ones in charge.
“Powerful men have certain traits that predispose them to certain women, particularly younger women,” the expert told Your Tango. “They’re also often narcissistic and want everything in life to be a certain way.”
Another clinical psychologist Dr John Mayer believes that sometimes it’s all about fulfilling a fantasy. “The babysitter fantasy is as common as the French maid or waitress fantasy,” he said.
Again, it comes down to power and control. The nanny is a subordinate and in a service. They’re often young as well. The boss thinks they’re fair game.
“It’s an old motif that ‘domestic’ workers are open season for the so-called ‘masters,’” Durvasula says.
Thinking of pursuing, dating or sleeping with the nanny? Don’t. Just don’t.
People responded, with many relieved that the dad had stepped in
