#1
We still bump into each other and have a chat and it’s not awkward at all, which I put down to her honesty and maturity.
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#3
Then she dated a friend of mine. HOLY. C**P. I consider her rejection one of the *nicest things anyone has ever done for me.*.
According to Marriage.com, in the United States, women are almost twice as likely to initiate breakups than men. Around 70% of straight, unmarried couples don't last long: they break up within the first year of starting dating.
42% of people who made up their minds to break up with their partners waited a week before finally breaking up with them. 58% of people think that their breakups are messy or dramatic.
While 19% of people admitted that they ended up ghosted by their former partners, 71% said that they still stayed in touch with them after the breakup.
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#6
I walked away feeling really good after that.
Redditor u/theonlinepartofme told Bored Panda that it's always best to lead with kindness and empathy. Unless you're rejecting someone who is dangerous or actively making you uncomfortable, it can help to flip the situation and consider how you'd feel if the roles were reversed.
"In the end, everyone wants acknowledgment or appreciation," they said. "If the advance is genuine, there's no way the rejection can be fully okay, but I think to let them know that their interest and courage are still appreciated can save them from much regret or shame."
Honesty also plays a big role in turning someone down. From the author's perspective, if there are some circumstances that prevent you from dating the other person, it might help to let them know that it's not them personally at fault here. "I personally think treating them as a human with human aches, fears, pain, anxiety, is the most important thing, rejection aside."
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"Whether you're turning someone down, being turned down, or about to possibly be turned down, interest in someone is incredibly special in this beautiful yet also cold life," the author opened up to Bored Panda that they really value people's courageous attempts to put themselves out there in a vulnerable position.
"So, hopefully, all sides keep mind of this. And if you could be turned down, you're braver and cooler than most of us."
The redditor who sparked the intriguing discussion opened up to Bored Panda that they generally like to turn to the r/AskReddit community whenever they have any questions running through their mind.
"This question in particular came up when I was talking with a friend about rejection or break-ups, and how these days people are so sensitive and can take rejection to even a scary level. I then wondered what would be the best way to go about the worst situation: getting turned down," u/theonlinepartofme said, adding that the person doing the rejecting has a lot of power to make the memory of the event better or worse for the other individual.
#11
A guy who was more of a friendly stranger/acquaintance than anything, I asked him out. He did look really surprised, when I did and took his time to respond. He said he was very flattered but he couldn't as he had just started seeing someone (which was true and I believe they are still together many years on).
But he never stopped being friendly and kind in front of his friends when he saw me.
It was impactful because, I put myself out there, it wasn't the social catastrophe I always imagined in my head by taking that risk and it validated my trust in my own judgement in being able to "pick" a kind person. Definitely put me in a better headspace for when I eventually met my now husband.
#12
I ended up going out with the friend for over a year.
According to the author, they haven't turned down too many people, but they usually stick to a very simple and straightforward script of thanking them for their interest and then apologizing.
"If it had to come up again, especially if it were with someone important to me, I'd still want them to walk away feeling good about the courage to have asked, as I'd also want to feel that way in the flipped situation. Therefore, I wanted to hear first-hand answers," they said.
There are lots of things to consider when rejecting someone. There’s some delicate balance work to focus on. For instance, most people don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings, even if they don’t view them in a romantic light. So, they want to avoid being callous or overly harsh.
At the same time, vagueness is also emotionally dangerous. If you’re too ambiguous and overly friendly, it can wreak a ton of havoc in your life. For example, if the other person believes they still might have a shot at being with you, they might continue with their (unwanted) advances.
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In short, when turning someone down, you want to be as clear as possible without being too blunt. You want to consider the other person’s feelings without giving them any romantic hope where there is none. Honesty really is the best policy… for everyone involved.
However, it’s not just what you say but also how you phrase things that’s important. Your tone of voice and body language can have a huge impact on how the rejected person feels. They’ll feel hurt if you sound like you’re too flippant or mock them. On the other hand, adding some gentle humor can defuse the tension and show that there’s nothing personal about the rejection: you’re simply not interested, no matter how awesome they are.
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#18
I replied with something like, “Oh, that’s cool. Well, you all enjoy our day. It was lovely talking to you.” I said it genuinely and with a smile.
The girls giggled between them then one piped up, “We think you’re cute though.”
I laugh, said thank you, and walked away.
Verywell Mind notes that the key to nice rejections is to be kind but firm. Here are a few things that you could potentially tell the other person when turning them down gently:
- “That's really kind of you to ask, but no thank you.”
- “Thank you for following up. I had a good time on our last date but out of respect for your time and mine, I want to be honest and let you know that I’m not feeling the connection I'm looking for.”
- “I wish you the best and I hope that you find all that you are seeking.”
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