Someone Asked "What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?" And 50 People Gave The Best Responses

"My grandfather let them do their whole speech for about 20 minutes. He then told them he didn't have his hearing aid in and asked if they could repeat it all. They hung up immediately."

"Had a very pushy insurance salesman want my address so he could meet me in person to better show the value of his products or some nonsense. I gave him the address of a brothel. Got an angry call back a couple of days later saying that I gave him the wrong address. I told him I thought he was looking for someone to screw over and then hung up on him."

"Depends on the scam call. Recently I’m getting a lot of “we’re calling in regards to your recent car accident” I relied on “how dare you! I died in that accident!”"

"Scammer was Indian, I'm Indian, I put on my Indian accent then accused him of putting on a bad fake Indian accent to make fun of me and told him he should be ashamed of himself. It was a few seconds of fun."

"Just start chanting in Latin. Most hang up quickly. One begged me not to curse her family."

"You've reached the FBI telephone fraud division, how may I help you?"

"I once got a scammer to say "I love you too." It was one of those resort/vacation calls and I kept him in the line for his whole spiel. When he asked who else would be vacationing with me, I asked if he would go with me. I was like, ”It will save on airfare because you're already there.” Ended up with him saying he had to end the call and I was like, ”Okay. I love you.” And he reflexively goes ” I love you too". The high point of my life."

"Mr. Smashing Stuff, I'm calling about an accident you were involved in that wasn't your fault."

"Oh it wasn't an accident, I meant to hurt those people."

The pause you get before being immediately escalated to a 'manager' is like a crack to me."

"I whisper into the mic to make them turn the volume on their headsets up then suddenly start yelling."

"I have two things I do. 1) I try to sell them WiFi. I personally have nothing to do with internet services. But I can guarantee that my services are the cheapest in town and seeing as how you called me you must be interested. Now before you think “man I’m really not gonna get as good a deal as I’d like.” I can promise no buffers and high-quality streaming at a fraction. Yes, you heard it a fraction of what you currently are paying, if you just give me your first and last name we can get the ball rolling. No one has ever lasted that one.

2) in a very heavy southern accent. “Now the lord spoke to me today and he told me that I’d be bringing another one of his lambs that had been led astray back into the flock, I’m gonna open this conversation with a prayer real quick.” Most people hang up. Some and very few last through my 10-minute prayer. After that, I go straight into asking about their addictions and why the lord is telling me about how their browser history is causing demons to enter their home."

"I always screech "welcome to shining dragon buffet you place an order" if they ask anything else I get angrier and go "YOU CALL SHINING DRAGON BUFFET, PLACE ORDER OR GET OFF MY PHONE". I'll probably get into trouble one day but its a lot of fun."

"Hello, sir. This is the Microsoft Office. We're calling to inform you that your computer is infected with a virus."

"My computer?"

"Yes, sir. And if you do not take steps to correct it we will be forced to shut down your system remotely."

"Which one?"

"What?"

"Which computer? I have a couple."

"The one running Microsoft Windows."

"They all run Microsoft Windows."

"Yes, well, I am showing they are all infected." (you can literally hear him salivate.)

"So you're monitoring my systems right now?"

"Yes."

"Despite the fact that doing so is a violation of multiple federal laws?"

*Click*

"Me - do you believe in our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Them - yes

Me - he wants you to quit calling."

"I once saw caller ID (landline days) with a number that I figured was a telemarketer. In a “tough” voice, without saying hello I asked, “Is he dead?” And about a beat and a half later I said, “Because if he ain’t dead, don’t you even think about coming back here.” Then what sounded like a young woman on the other end said, “Um, uh, uh Bye!” Hope she had as much fun telling her friends as I had telling mine."

"I keep them on the phone for as long as humanly possible. I switch up the conversation, ask questions, stray completely off topic, slip in a few personal questions and just do whatever I can do to waste as much of their time as I can. My personal record is over 15 minutes of useless conversation which ended with me trying to proposition the male caller for sex. (For the record, I am a straight male and I assume that the caller was also straight.) I've been able to get an Indian telemarketer named Allen or Alex to give me his real name and location, and one telemarketer to stray from the script and admit that like me, he's also tried drugs. In one instance I was able to get the caller to admit that she hated her job and was only doing it to put herself through school. As much as I despise getting calls, I also try to remind myself that they are human beings, doing a job that everyone hates them for, and they probably hate themselves. I figure, at least perhaps I'll give them something fun to talk about after they get off of work."

"If they are calling about windows and doors, I tell them I live in a tent. "You are calling a tent, did you know this?" If they call about HVAC, I tell them I live in a castle, and we heat it in the wintertime by burning witches."

"My new thing is to heavily troll them for as long as possible. If they're going to waste my time with endless calls, well then I'm going to do the same. Here's a good one - I recently encountered a very low-tech health insurance scam that used an actual phone line and not a spoof. I called them back literally over 1000 times for two days straight and eventually got to the main person. He actually pleaded for me to stop calling and apologized profusely, lol it was very satisfying."

"I can't talk right now, I'm actually here to rob the place."

“HELLO, caller number two! You’re on with The Sturge at numbitty 902 WA3DFM. What do you have to say about the Lizard Illuminati?”

"I usually get the duct cleaning guys calling so I will just yell out to my wife and ask if the ducks need to be cleaned. I will respond back that we are good. They will keep pressing and I will keep playing on them eventually I will be like the ducks are cleaned but if they have any fix for the quacking that would help. The call ends right after."