We all dream of finding our true love and building a future together with someone special. But relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, and it can take a lot of trial and error to figure out if we’re truly compatible with the person we choose.
To help others avoid the same mistakes, these Redditors have shared the most valuable lessons they’ve learned from their experiences. From hard-to-swallow truths to eye-opening realizations, read their advice below and upvote the posts you find most helpful!
#1
Once someone feels comfortable being abusive towards you, that will never change no matter how much you try.
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56points
#2
An apology is not words but a change in behavior.
54points
#3
My wife died after only 10 years of marriage, so my lesson is that a long life together isn’t promised. Don’t take anything for granted. Cherish the moments you’ve got.
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44points
#4
People can say the sweetest things to you, and absolutely mean them, *in the moment.* But moments are fleeting.
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41points
#6
If you tell your partner they've hurt you, and they respond by arguing rather than apologizing and changing their behavior, get out.
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39points
#8
You shouldn’t always have to beg for someone to give you attention.
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36points
#10
Sometimes it just doesn't work, and that's fine. You don't have to hate each other, talk s**t, or blow things out of proportion just because it's easier that way.
Things don't work and that's ok.
Things don't work and that's ok.
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30points
#12
If the relationship is hurting you, you can leave at any time you’re safely able to do so.
Those last five words are the most important.
Those last five words are the most important.
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27points
#13
Don't be or stay in the relationship for potential. Be there and realize the reality that exists.
I just got out of one that I stayed in WAY too long because I kept betting on potential, even though the person kept showing me who they were.
I learned to do boundaries and how to actually put them up in an honest way. Granted, she kept trying to bulldoze them but I stayed pretty well strong but she didn't much like that. Shrug. I learned quite a bit and grew quite a bit, i got to go on fun adventures and became a better person.... she wasted her time and the opportunities, and she was where she was at the beginning, no real growth. I don't know what is going on with her life but I would guess it has gone downhill based on some of the people in her life that I have talked to a while ago.
not my monkeys, not my circus.
I just got out of one that I stayed in WAY too long because I kept betting on potential, even though the person kept showing me who they were.
I learned to do boundaries and how to actually put them up in an honest way. Granted, she kept trying to bulldoze them but I stayed pretty well strong but she didn't much like that. Shrug. I learned quite a bit and grew quite a bit, i got to go on fun adventures and became a better person.... she wasted her time and the opportunities, and she was where she was at the beginning, no real growth. I don't know what is going on with her life but I would guess it has gone downhill based on some of the people in her life that I have talked to a while ago.
not my monkeys, not my circus.
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25points
#14
Writing this comment feel therapeutic and I’m only just starting. For me it is basically sunken cost fallacy in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to leave a relationship that isn’t working just because you have spent time in it. If it isn’t working, it isn’t working and you will only waste more time. If you’re not happy, give yourself the opportunity to find a situation where you can be happy. It is okay to give up on an unhealthy relationship.
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25points
#15
Never get complacent. Show em how much you care every chance you get.
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24points
#16
If there is a red flag, be cautiously optimistic. If there are 34709 red flags, get the f**k out. I was in love with the thought of being in my first real relationship and ignored everything that I should have paid attention to.
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23points
#17
It's like a plant: if you tend to it, water it, feed it, and give it sunlight, it will thrive. If you leave it in the corner, neglect it, and don't give it any of your time and effort, it will wither and die.
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21points
#18
Oh gosh so many of them. May cry just thinking about some haha.
You cannot change someone. You cannot cure someone of their addiction and you cannot “love it out of them”. They must choose the help and do the work.
If you do not have clear boundaries with your in laws as a unified front, you will forever be a lost cause relationship. You both have to step up and support the relationships for both of you with both your parents and the in-laws as well.
Love languages are great to know but if you can’t love someone in the way they need to feel loved, then what are you doing? If all the ways I want to love you aren’t the way you receive it, what am I doing? Learn how they *want* to be loved, not how you think they should be loved. Meet them there.
Everyone comes with baggage. It’s ok (and not a failure) to say I can and will no longer tolerate your actions that are related to your baggage out of an abundance of protection for yourself and your mental health.
Bring a complete self to the relationship. Have your own hobbies and life. Make sure they do too. Don’t stop doing those hobbies because of them.
There’s more I’m sure… I might be back lol.
You cannot change someone. You cannot cure someone of their addiction and you cannot “love it out of them”. They must choose the help and do the work.
If you do not have clear boundaries with your in laws as a unified front, you will forever be a lost cause relationship. You both have to step up and support the relationships for both of you with both your parents and the in-laws as well.
Love languages are great to know but if you can’t love someone in the way they need to feel loved, then what are you doing? If all the ways I want to love you aren’t the way you receive it, what am I doing? Learn how they *want* to be loved, not how you think they should be loved. Meet them there.
Everyone comes with baggage. It’s ok (and not a failure) to say I can and will no longer tolerate your actions that are related to your baggage out of an abundance of protection for yourself and your mental health.
Bring a complete self to the relationship. Have your own hobbies and life. Make sure they do too. Don’t stop doing those hobbies because of them.
There’s more I’m sure… I might be back lol.
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21points
#19
No answer is also an answer. If you want an answer from your partner and they cannot give that to you, it is often your cue to decide how to proceed.
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18points
