Trust is crucial in building a healthy and successful relationship. After all, it goes hand in hand with honesty, open communication, respect, and other essential parts of creating a meaningful bond between partners. But in some cases, having confidence in your soulmate can seem challenging. Especially when you spot potential red flags that indicate they may not be as trustworthy as you initially believed.
This seems to be precisely where Redditor safegfthrowaway found herself in. A few days ago, this 32-year-old woman reached out to the "Am I The A-Hole" community to ask for perspective after her boyfriend put her in a rather uncomfortable situation. Being a gemologist, she has acquired quite the collection of precious metals and stones that she stores under lock and key — in a safe only she knows the code for.
Immediately after moving in with her, the man started insisting on access to the safe. "Not to put anything in it, but he says because we are living together now, I should trust him and give him the code," the user recounted. Naturally, this raised some questions for the woman who felt the tension rising in their partnership. Read on for the full story below and weigh in on the incident in the comments.
This gemologist recently shared how her boyfriend demanded access to her safe filled with precious stones worth 6 figures he apparently has "no interest in"
Image credits: Mark Somma (not the actual photo)
Feeling some tension building up in the relationship, she asked the internet for perspective
Image credits: Abbat (not the actual photo)
Later on, the woman clarified a few details and added more updates to the story
To learn more about trust between partners and how to decipher our other half's questionable actions, we got in touch with Sundy Gilchrist, a relationship coach and founder of Sublime Relationships. According to her, having faith in one another is essential for intimacy and growth within the relationship. But apparently, there are two levels of trust we should bear in mind.
"One is trusting yourself, which is the primary trust requirement in relationships, and trusting your partner being the other," she told Bored Panda. When it comes to having confidence in yourself, it means you should have enough capacity and believe that you can handle whatever comes your way with dignity and care.
"For it’s true that disappointments and mistakes inevitably come in relationships, and knowing that you can handle these well allows for each person in the relationship to be open, trusting and exploring within the parameters agreed by both," Gilchrist said, adding that when we have faith in ourselves, trusting our partners becomes far easier.
But some people reveal their true colors only later in the relationship. When the mask finally comes off, we witness their concerning behavior patterns and glaring red flags we may have overlooked or even ignored at first. Unfortunately, it can be shocking to find that the person you love and spent years creating a bond with was just a story. Just as the woman described in her post on the AITA subreddit, a sudden change in our partner's wishes and demands makes us suspicious, unsure of what to think of their actions.
So while the user's boyfriend accused her of mistrusting him, it turned out that he was the one causing unnecessary tension in the relationship. According to the relationship coach, once our trust has been broken, it’s easy to feel hurt and then reactive. She pointed out that talking about what the other has done can be hard if we don’t have our own trust and self-awareness in place. "Dealing with the feelings that come up is the first thing to do, and then that leaves us in a better place to have a conversation about what we didn’t like and want instead, once our initial hurt has been felt and dealt with."
"At some point early in the relationship, it would be wise to choose to talk around what trust actually means for you and the other person, and what you each want to trust in each other," Gilchrist stressed the importance of having these discussions to manage your own expectations.
"Someone who doesn’t trust easily may ask for proof of trustworthiness, maybe asking us to do something that makes us feel uncomfortable," she continued. "Like only wearing things that they feel comfortable with us wearing, as an example, or only going out when with them." This is a sign of a controlling partner, whose behaviors flow from their own insecurities, and could lead to jealousy and possessiveness. If sitting down and having a calm respectful conversation is not an option, Gilchrist suggested getting support in the form of therapy if you feel your partner's controlling behaviors affect your wellbeing in a negative way.
Redditors unanimously deemed the user had every right to get suspicious, here’s what they had to say
