From the beginning, people were known to be social creatures as they needed others to survive, develop their human abilities, and carry on their activities. Despite many social ties, taking any of them for granted is ignorance of their nature to connect and live as human beings.
Drama, family, and the fight for the heirloom are all the things that make us human. And humans are known for their mistakes. One such common mistake involves not putting effort into building a relationship or even being destructive towards it. Yet, for some reason, expecting to get all the benefits associated with such a connection. As were the expectations of this Reddit user’s stepson.
More info: Reddit
Woman gets accused of ‘playing favorites’ when she denies her family heirloom to her disrespectful stepson
Image credits: Pablo Lancaster Jones (not the actual image)
Despite her efforts to be a trustworthy maternal figure, her stepson refused to treat her like family
Image credits: u/Shot-Management-2196
Image credits: Patricia Prudente (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/Shot-Management-2196
The woman’s stepson called her out of the blue and asked if he could have her heirloom engagement ring
Image credits: TranStudios Photography & Video (not the actual image)
Drama ensued when the woman refused, and her stepson wouldn’t stop cursing her
She explains that despite her efforts to build a relationship and treat her stepchildren as she would her own, her stepson never stopped being hostile and disrespectful toward her, as opposed to his sister, who warmed up after some time and started calling her mom and seeing her as a trusted confidant.
One can't force love, and it would be similarly unreasonable to demand that one call his stepmother ‘mom’ against his wishes. Still, respect in such a situation might be reasonably expected. It’s true, though, that the boy was just a 9-year-old kid when his stepmother entered his family.
It’s difficult to evaluate the parenting that preceded the traumatic experience associated with the loss of his mother, and it would be wrong to put the blame or full responsibility on the stepson for his actions as a child. However, as a 31-year-old man, one can't expect to treat others disrespectfully and face no consequences.
As noted by the woman, even after reaching adulthood and moving out eventually, her stepson still doesn't treat her well. For this reason, her stepson calling “out of the blue” to ask if he could have his stepmother’s engagement ring, which has been an heirloom for several generations in her family, might already seem inappropriate. However, the man’s behavior peaked when he got a no for an answer.
Despite the woman explaining that she would not pass the ring she got from her mother to someone who sees her as vermin and will give it to his sister when she gets engaged, the man snapped and accused her of ‘playing favorites.’ Finally, the stepmom had to hang up as he wouldn’t stop insulting her. What other choice did she have?
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual image)
Stepmom with Stepson: Setting Boundaries
In her book Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children, Allison Bottke describes the pain parents often have to go through when their children experience yet another meltdown. They usually try to figure out what went wrong when they had all the best intentions while raising their children.
Bottke discusses the common pattern of parents who behave as enablers of their children’s behavior that they disapprove of. She claims, based on her experience, that most parents of dysfunctional adult children, to some extent, become enablers. She explains that enabling differs from helping, as it’s doing something for someone who can and should be doing it themselves.
She says, “Enabling creates an atmosphere in which one’s adult children can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior.” However, she insists that despite creating a pattern of enabling, the nagging feeling inside usually makes such parents feel they might be doing something wrong.
Bottke warns that excuses like: “It’s just so hard for kids today” or “but I am only trying to help” often keep parents from actually helping rather than simply enabling the dysfunctional patterns in their adult children.
She suggests that despite one being at least partly responsible for the person their child has grown to be, the parent must stop feeling guilty and establish healthy boundaries instead if they want to help their adult child. Bottke explains that painful experiences are often meant to teach people the consequences of their actions, which is a key part of the growth process.
And that’s precisely what the Reddit user did: set a clear and healthy boundary with her stepson.
Over to the Redditors
Redditors backed the woman, claiming her stepson isn't entitled to her family heirloom as he isn't treating her as part of the family. Here’s what they had to say:
Family Drama: An Ancient Saga
Fights between kin for the family heirloom is an ancient tale that never gets old! We humans just never learn from our mistakes, do we? In the end, it’s all karma. How we treat others is how we get treated. The Reddit user’s stepson had to find it out the hard way. And despite that, he kept cursing his stepmom, repeating the same mistake. This made him lose the engagement ring and the love he might’ve received from his stepmom.
What did you think about this family drama? Don’t forget to let us know in the comments! Also, share this with your friends and family and see what they think.
Exhausted by family or in-law drama like this one? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic relatives, parenting styles, and personal boundaries.