Parents are meant to be there for their children, not ignore them. But alas, not every dad or mom will win the ‘parent of the year’ award. Not even close. Some people realize the mistakes they’ve made, but by then, it can already be too late.
A teenager asked the AITA online community if she was wrong not to move back in with her estranged father. The man prioritized his new family over his daughter, only to regret it when his wife cheated on him, and he’s getting divorced. You’ll find the full story and the internet’s advice below.
Parents are meant to look out for their kids, but some of them focus on other things instead
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A teenager opened up about the reasons why she doesn't want to move back in with her estranged father, now that his new family life has imploded
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If you feel estranged from your family, you are definitely not alone. It's a common situation
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Family estrangement is a topic that’s more and more present in people’s lives. Quite a few people feel estranged from their parents or other relatives.
According to one study from Ohio State University, around 6% of adult children had a period where they had little or no communication with their mothers. However, for fathers, this figure rose to a whopping 26%.
Meanwhile, a YouGov poll found that 38% of American adults were estranged from a member of their family. Most commonly, they were estranged with a sibling (24%), a parent (16%), a child (10%), a grandparent (9%), and a grandchild (6%).
And based on the findings of the University of Newcastle academic, Dr. Kylie Agllias, in Australia, back in 2016, around 1 in 12 adults are estranged from a family member.
As per the Guardian, there can be various reasons for estrangement, from violence in the family and unmet needs to differences in religious, political, and other beliefs.
Other major factors that can lead to estrangement include things like manipulative behavior, abandonment, neglect, lies, betrayal, and personality conflicts. On top of that, other factors include conflicting values, different lifestyles, substance misuse, favoritism, and fallout from divorce.
There are lots of different reasons that lead to estrangement, from severe to far more subtle
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“It can be all sorts of things. Mental health issues in one of the parents or one of the children can split a family. That’s the one I’ve most commonly seen,” Australian Psychological Society chief executive officer, Dr Zena Burgess, told the Guardian.
In the meantime, according to clinical psychologist and world-renowned expert Dr. Joshua Coleman, in his talk on the podcast Where Parents Talk, there is a “kind of silent epidemic” of parent-child estrangement.
From his perspective, there’s been a shift to a more identitarian perspective, with the idea that “if a relationship doesn’t feel good to me, then not only can I cut that person off, I should cut that person off.”
And so, more and more people are cutting off contact with their family members due to more subtle and political reasons, not just due to outright neglect or violence.
We’d like to hear your perspectives, too, Pandas. Do you think the teenager was right not to go back in with her dad now that he’s getting divorced and wants to reconcile? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Have you ever been estranged from a member of your family? If you feel like sharing your thoughts and experiences, you can do so in the comments below.
The author interacted with some of her readers and shared more details in the comments
Most internet users were on the teenager's side. Here's what they told her
One person thought that nobody was wrong in this particular situation
Some folks saw things differently and called out the teen
