It goes without saying that mourning a loss is a lot to unpack for one person. It’s a situation in which our mind and emotions are in extreme turmoil, struggling to cope with the fact that someone who used to be close is no longer here. And never will be.
And it does sometimes push people into making decisions many others would question or feel uncomfortable with. Like asking the bride and groom if they’d be all right with ‘inviting’ the groom’s 3 miscarried siblings in the form of a framed photograph, as a way to honor them.
More Info: Reddit
While it's common to celebrate all forms of life, mixing something like celebration of life in marriage with celebration of life after death is iffy
Image credits: Victoria Priessnitz (not the actual photo)
A bride recently shared her predicament of how her mother-in-law wanted to honor her miscarried kids at her wedding
Image credits: u/ThrowAwayQQQQQ212
While there was no conclusion in the end, the bride did explain that she is searching for options that wouldn't compromise her wedding
Image credits: Diego Lozano (not the actual photo)
A bride recently approached the internet with a situation that she didn’t know how to deal with. The story goes that the woman and her fiance approached their parents to talk about the guest list and the groom’s mother, OP’s mother-in-law, had a bit of an unorthodox request.
For context, this woman has two sons. Between them, she had 3 miscarriages. So, when OP’s fiance was born, the mother couldn’t have been any happier about it. In light of this, she wanted to honor the groom’s 3 brothers and sisters by reserving seats for them in the ceremony and the reception and placing framed photos there.
OP was absolutely horrified by this idea. Not only does it feel uncomfortable for her, like a bad omen, to start off the rest of her life by including heavy motherly trauma into the whole deal, but she also pointed out a practical flaw in this, which is less available seats at the wedding.
The groom suggested making a compromise, which is to grant the mother her wish and include the siblings, but only reserve one seat. The complication here is that the groom's family is funding the bulk of the wedding—75% of it, to be precise—so they can try to pull a power move, escalating the conflict. Besides, this is the only request she had.
Image credits: The Good Funeral Guide (not the actual photo)
Off the bat, though, folks on r/AITA were against the idea. Many were of the idea that the mother-in-law's request was unreasonable and even crazy. This one commenter added that this is also a test for OP’s fiance—if he ends up agreeing to this, then it’s also a question of whether she wants to marry someone who caters to such requests. OP did clarify that her fiance too thinks this is unreasonable, but he also wants to avoid possible drama.
Others thought eloping, i.e. running away to get married, would be a plausible solution. However, OP really wants the family to be involved… “just maybe without the ultrasounds.” OP also mentions that the mother has a little shrine in her home with sonograms and the stillbirth dedicated to the kids, likely as a means to cope with it.
OP and her fiance did make an effort to find a suitable solution rather than flat-out saying no. They were thinking of perhaps having the names of the lost kids framed instead of the ultrasounds and pictures, and have said they’d pitch the idea.
However, the overall tone of the community was that it was OP’s wedding, it’s about her and her fiance. Nobody else’s story should be in the picture at that point.
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Not too long ago, Bored Panda covered another story of miscarriage. There, a woman was attempting to protect her 5-year-old from her own mother, who traumatized her with birthday “celebrations” of the miscarried baby by forcing her to visit the miscarriage’s grave every year.
On the one hand, we have mothers who are often traumatized by miscarriage to such a degree that further issues arise. The National Institute for Health and Care Research noted that nearly one in three women tend to develop post-traumatic stress disorder after a miscarriage, one in four develop anxiety issues, and one in ten often dive into depression.
On the other hand, miscarriage transcends affecting just the mother. Partners and other children can be affected too, usually in the form of grief and mourning, but also, in the case of the kids, sadness, but also curiosity. Questions about the experience might come up for days, weeks and even months. This might also work in the opposite direction—their sadness might be stifled by their desire to protect their parents from further pain.
And, as seen in the other story we covered, it might also traumatize those around you. It’s an issue of not having anyone to share your pain with, and forcing it upon others. The issue becomes even more problematic when it goes on for decades. But it’s important to remember that you’re not alone, and seeking help is crucial in moving on.
You can check out the post, which got nearly 13,000 upvotes, in context here. But before you do that, share your thoughts, opinions or anything else on the topic that really matters in the comment section below.
Right off the bat, the community thought that it would be very disturbing to cater to the mother-in-law's request, and pointed out other problems
