As people get older, they learn more about themselves and their identity. Realization often comes after careful experimentation, deep thought, and lots of trial and error. Sometimes, it can be tough to accept certain parts of yourself, and even harder to convey how you feel to others.
That is what a man faced when he was questioning his gender identity. He decided to reveal a bit about it to his girlfriend by asking her a “hypothetical” question, but he got extremely angry when her answer didn’t match his expectations.
More info: Reddit
It can feel extremely isolating to question one’s gender and not know how to describe those thoughts and feelings to other people
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The 18-year-old explained that she and her boyfriend had been dating for two years and that everything seemed to be going smoothly between them
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
One day, the guy asked her if she would still date him if he were transgender, and although that question caught her off guard, she knew she wouldn’t want to date a trans girl
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The man got so angry about his girlfriend’s refusal that he called her transphobic and asked her to leave, even though she tried explaining that she wasn’t attracted to women
Image credits: SpeakNow_Crab5
The poster felt bad about hurting her boyfriend’s feelings, especially after they reconnected, and he explained that he had been questioning his gender identity
The woman explained that her relationship with her boyfriend had been smooth until he asked her a random hypothetical question. Out of the blue, the 19-year-old questioned his girlfriend about whether she’d still be with him if he were transgender. That was obviously confusing for the woman and something she never expected to be asked.
When a person begins questioning their gender identity, it can be tough for their partner to deal with as well. People don’t choose who they’re attracted to, and if their partner begins transitioning, it can certainly affect the relationship. Staying with someone out of obligation is unfair to either partner, but it can be painful to have a connection end over a sensitive issue like this.
Obviously, the man must have been hurt to think that his partner of two years would no longer be attracted to him or want to be with him. He had probably already been going through a tough time figuring out his gender, and this must have added to the worry and confusion he was facing.
According to Talkspace, “Many people find they’re very anxious when unsure of and exploring their gender identity. When you surround yourself with people who accept you, questioning your gender is less likely to become a source of anxiety.”
That’s why the man should have been honest with his girlfriend instead of posing his problem as a hypothetical situation. She would have been more receptive to discussing the issue with him, and it probably wouldn’t have turned out so badly.
Image credits: Natalia Blauth / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Things obviously didn’t go well when the OP said she wouldn’t want to date her boyfriend if he were transgender. He got so mad that he made the poster leave his house and didn’t speak to her for a few days. Obviously, all of this left her shocked and worried that she had offended him in some way.
That’s why experts state that in any relationship, it’s incredibly important to communicate how you’re feeling. Transgender or trans-curious people might experience a lot of changes on the inside and not have to struggle to keep up with what’s happening. On the other hand, their loved ones might not be on the same page and might need extra assistance to understand what they’re experiencing.
Eventually, the woman learned that her boyfriend had been questioning his gender for a while. Although she wasn’t open to dating a trans girl, she realized that her comments might have hurt him. She also mentioned that she would definitely do everything in her power to help him through his transition if he chose that path.
There are, of course, many relationships that can survive one partner’s transition. Studies have found that people who can celebrate their loved one’s trans identity benefit from increased intimacy and also become advocates for the cause. That isn’t the case for everyone, and it’s okay if someone decides that they cannot handle this process.
Overall, it seems that the woman had a lot of love for her partner. She definitely didn’t set out to hurt him, and when she realized where he was coming from, she only wanted to help him.
Questioning one’s gender can be an overwhelming process, but it can also be extremely rewarding when one finally realizes exactly who they’re meant to be. Hopefully, the man will be able to enjoy that moment soon!
Folks sided with the poster and told her that people are allowed to have dating preferences and that she didn’t have to apologize for that
