Parents are always thrilled about welcoming a new member into their family. But the baby’s siblings might not be as excited. Whether they’re worried about not getting enough attention from Mom and Dad or they’re scared of becoming an on-call babysitter, it’s understandable for brothers and sisters to have mixed feelings.
One young woman who knows just how frustrating having a new member of the family can be recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice. Below, you’ll find the full story of how her stepmother has taken advantage of her babysitting services, as well as a conversation with parenting expert and Founder of Pregnant Chicken, Amy Morrison.
This woman didn't mind helping out with her baby sister at first
Image credits: pexels (not the actual photo)
But when her stepmother started taking advantage of her generosity, she decided to put her foot down
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Significant_Year5200
"You are not entitled to an exchange of labor that the other person didn't agree to"
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
To learn more about just how much older siblings should be expected to help out when there’s a new baby in the picture, we reached out to parenting expert and Founder of Pregnant Chicken, Amy Morrison.
“It’s natural for families to pitch in during big life changes, like having a new baby, but there should be a balance,” Amy says. “In this case, the 18-year-old has her own life, plans, and responsibilities.”
“It’s reasonable to expect that she can help out occasionally, but not be obligated to provide free childcare at all times, regardless of whether she is paying rent or not,” the expert continued.
We also asked Amy how moms and dads can ask their children to help out without taking advantage of them.
“Parents should always check in with their older kids before assuming they're free to help out,” she noted. “If they’re going to be babysitting a lot, it's a good idea to set up a regular babysitting schedule, so that the older sibling can plan their own time around it.
“Offering some kind of payment or trade can also help show appreciation and avoid any feelings of being taken advantage of,” the expert added. “At the end of the day, your children and their care are your responsibility. And you are not entitled to an exchange of labor that the other person didn't agree to.”
"Setting healthy boundaries is key in all relationships, even with family"
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Next, we asked Amy if she had any advice for the young woman who shared this post on how to set and enforce healthy boundaries.
“She probably needs to sit down with her dad and stepmom to share that she wants to help out, but not so much that it messes with her own life,” Amy says. “It’s also a good idea for her to set some limits by letting them know how much time she can really spend babysitting.”
“Maybe picking specific days or hours will help them respect her availability. And if they can’t (or won’t) respect those boundaries, it might be time to think about other living arrangements,” she told Bored Panda.
Finally, Amy added that this young woman has every right to enjoy her gap year without feeling like she’s just a free babysitter. “Wanting her freedom and independence while living at home doesn't make her ‘ungrateful’ at all. Setting healthy boundaries is key in all relationships, even with family.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation as well, pandas. How would you react if you were in the author’s shoes? Feel free to weigh in, and then, you can check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar family drama right here.
Readers assured the author that she had done nothing wrong, and she joined in on the conversation to share more details
Some even shared suggestions for what the young woman should do next
