“It Is Not The 1950s”: 79 People Who Turned Down Marriage Proposals Explain Their Reasoning

My husband proposed to me.

Every single week for almost 2 years.

I had to keep saying no because gay marriage was not legal.

And then one beautiful day it was legal and I said yes very soon after.

23 years ago, my ex boyfriend (who broke up with me after he found out I was pregnant and wouldn't have an abortion) came to meet his 6 week old daughter. He decided he really did want a family after all. I accepted his invitation to a local amusement park while my mother babysat our daughter. We went on the roller-coaster, and while we were at the top, just before it began its decent, he popped out a ring and the question. All the way down the first hill I screamed "NO WAAAAAAAAY!".

The End.

It was the day of my 16th birthday (he was 19) and we were just waiting for the bus when he suddenly turned to me and asked if I was ready to get married. Like, pretty much immediately. His reasoning was that he really wanted to make sure he was married with kids on the way before he was 20 so he didn't "leave it too late", and because that his parents were married by his age... We'd been together a month.

I noped out immediately.

She wanted kids and I didn't. She planned the entire wedding without my knowledge. Picked out a venue, a caterer, the rings that we would exchange, the invitations, the clothes that we would wear. All behind my back.

So, one night, she asked me to marry her and came clean about all the plans. I was shocked and felt betrayed. My answer was "I'm moving out. I hope you didn't make any deposits on all this stuff."

Crazy.

He asked me in public, which he knew I hated the thought of. We had actually talked about wedding proposals a few weeks prior and I had made it clear that I would never say Yes to a proposal in public. He still felt it necessary to ask me at a concert of a band his friend was in. I said No. He didn't take it graciously, and I got a *lot* of hate from everyone who was literally around me. People were cussing me out for declining, without even knowing my name. I broke up with him shortly afterwards, because he didn't stop whining about me "embarrassing" him so.

I found out my ex was cheating on me and immediately broke it off with him.

The next day he showed up on my doorstep, in the snow crying. When I went outside he got on one knee and presented me with a heart shaped ring.

I went back inside and baked cookies. It was a great a decision, as I met my current boyfriend a few years later and he makes me truly happy.

I was with the guy for longer than I should have been, we lived together for most of it. He had little ambition and seemed to want nothing more than for things to remain exactly the same. He wanted me to work and take care of everything, and him to be able to play video games all day. The problem with that is, I was in a miserable job and unhappy with the status quo.

As things came to a head he spent more time with his only friend who constantly gave him bad advice. This same friend had a child for the sake of saving a marriage. Any ways he told him I just wanted a ring and a baby and I'd stop with all the fighting; Not encouraging communication or taking responsibility for his life.

He proposed, I said no. After all I don't believe marriage is a bandaid. He couldn't understand this. It was awkward, and he got mad and left. He wrote me plenty of nasty emails and texts afterwards about how it was all my fault, that I must have lied about how I felt for the whole relationship. He showed his true colors and I chose to not give them the time of day.

Meanwhile, I started to make better choices for myself to improve my own happiness, something I had sacrificed for too long. I found a new job, new house, spent more time with friends, more time on hobbies.

We had only been dating for about a month, he was pretty obsessive at first but I thought maybe it would just be a phase so I blew it off. One day, he brought me to a jewelers to get my ring size and I could pick out the ring. I also thought it was just a promise ring, no biggie, people do those kinda things early on as well. What got ME was when he bought it, took me to a park, got down on one knee and said “I love you baby...I knew I wanted to do this the moment we matched (unfortunately on Tinder)...you’re the love of my life. Now I can show everyone that I own you. Will you marry me?” He was gonna OWN me. Like a pet. I wanted to wring his neck for saying that. I don’t get offended easily but saying “owned” really pissed me off. I helped him up back to his feet tho and we walked back to his car that he was current living in, right down the street from my condo so he could “keep an eye on me”, and I told him I wasn’t going to marry him and that I thought it was best we should break up and move on. I didn’t feel comfortable having him drive me home so I took an Uber after that. Unfortunately, still being the obsessive guy he was, he tried with the coming to my condo every day with gifts and crying and just trying to make me feel bad and get back together. Then it got to him getting angry and threats. After about a month, he gave up. And I haven’t seen him since, it’s been a year now. Thank god.

I was 18 and found a job at a fish and chip shop to earn me some money before I left home for university. My family had been customers there all my life and it had recently been bought by an Indian gentleman who owned a few such takeaways and installed his 20 year old nephew there as the manager.

So on my second shift me and the nephew (bobby) were just chatting during a lull and he asks if I have a boyfriend. As it happens I did, a long distance relationship with a guy in Germany. He asked why I hadn't married him. I gave the obvious reason, that we lived in two different countries. Bobby seemed to think this was no big issue and we should get married anyway. I laughed it off.

Then Bobby asked if I thought he could meet a wife here in England. Well sure I said, but how he asked. Well you'll just have to go out and meet someone I said. Then he asked if I'd marry him. I laughed again but he was being serious. I told him I was happily committed to my boyfriend and wouldn't marry someone I barely knew anyway.

Three shifts later I was let go. No reason given. I went back to hand in my uniform on what would have been my shift and there was already another, younger girl installed there. Caught her giving free food out to her friend and laughed. Whatever reason he had for replacing me he was stuck with a dishonest thief for staff now.

A few weeks pass and just before I moved away to university my folks asked me to run out and get a chip shop dinner so off I went. An older lady who worked there, had known me since I was a baby and had gotten me the job looked harassed. Turned out she was covering for the new girl who had called in sick. Then she tells me this is the third new girl they'd had since I was sacked. For some reason Bobby didn't like any of the girls they kept hiring. Guess none of them wanted to marry him either!

My wife had passed away about two weeks before and I got a Facebook message from a woman I went to high school with telling me she has been waiting for me and is ready to move out of her parents house into mine. She also said she was ready to marry me and become my son's new mother.

As you can tell it was a total non-starter.

I was 14. He was in his 20s. My parents pressured me to marry him because of finances and sponsorship for a greencard in the US. I was young and scared, but actually considered it. My parents were disappointed but okay when I said no. I waited until I was 21 and married the right man.

3rd year of University. I made friends with an international student from Japan. I found out she was paying around $90,000 PER year. She said it would be easier to just get married. Then she asked me if we could get married and that she was willing to pay me $30,000. I laughed thinking it was a joke but it turned out to be a real proposal.

[Toxic] ex bf hit me up after 3 years of no contact, out of the blue asked for a lunch date to talk . We met, had awkward small talk and after when I thought he was driving me home he took me back to our old high school football stadium (we would hang there when we dated) and he got down on his knee and begged for me back and then pulls out a ring and asks me to marry him as well. I apologized and politely declined. I’d had a miscarriage when we were together and he was absolutely terrible to me during. He told me it obviously wasn’t his because his “seed” would have been strong enough to survive and I was lying. Every time I look at his face I hear those words.

I caught my high school boyfriend cheating on me with multiple girls. His plan to salvage the relationship? Propose to me, as I’m sobbing, 10 minutes after stumbling across all the evidence. I said no.

There was an Indian family (my family is Caucasian) who lived up the street from us. Their son and I were not friends, but we would wave or smile at each other when walking home from school or simply walking by. Like I did with all my neighbors. Maybe he didn't know this. We never talked. Anyway, his parents came to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage, when I was 18. My dad, while furious, told them that it was my decision since I was an adult, but would do everything in his power to deter me. He must of thought we had something going on when we didn't. When I made it very clear that I was in no way interested, my dad made them leave and requested they leave me alone, including their son. They moved shortly after this, but I'm not sure that was related.

The first time I didn't think I was old enough. I was 21 and he was 22.

The second guy was sweet, but... I dunno; practically it didn't make sense. I had savings, and he was $200,000 in debt from his PHD. I had a good job, he was "between things at the moment." Etc...

In the end the guy I said yes to was perfect for me and I am glad I waited.

No me, but my dad turned down my mom when she brought up marriage after 2 years of dating. Dad is ultra-conservative in his religious views, my mom is not. Thy have wildly differing views on many social issues. Dad loved her, but was reluctant to marry someone whom he knew he was spiritually incompatible. He was also concerned about how he would handle his medical residency since he had anecdotally heard that divorce rates are quite high for residents.

Two months later they broke up.

Both my mom and my dad were miserable. Dad lost a ton of weight due to depression. Mom says that she has never cried harder in her life. My aunt says that she has never seen my Dad (normally a very upbeat, positive man) so sullen.

Fast forward ten months, Mom reaches out to try to reconcile. Dad is reticent because he doesn't know if he could handle that kind of hurt again. Mom says, "I can't see the future and I can't promise that I won't hurt you, but I can promise that I will love you and do absolutely everything to make this work."

They were married 8 months later.

A year and a half later I come along.

To this day, the differences in their spirituality are a source of pain and strife. Both are fiercely spiritual, but they cannot see eye to eye on those issues. However, they make it work. They obviously love each other and are both profoundly *good* people. The amount of sacrifice and integrity they both have blows my mind. Not just for each other, but for everyone around them. Unconditionally.

If i become half the man of my father, I will be twice the man of most men.

For me, their relationship is proof that love and goodness are what can bind people together. It is a testimony that love is bigger than religion, bigger than politics, and bigger than all the petty little things that cause so many relationships to fail.

It isn't love alone, though. It is also the goodness of their character.

So yeah, my parents may have broken up after Dad turned down my mom's proposal but in the end it worked out pretty well. They will celebrate their 37th anniversary this December.

*TL;DR: Mom proposed. Dad said no. They broke up. Got back together later and lived happily ever after*.

I was proposed to in 2013. He took me into the mountains with a littke picnic of fruit and cheese, we looked at the stars and he brought a paper lantern to release. He didn't know you're supposed to do it over water so it can 1. actually fly and 2. Not land amongst the trees and start a forest fire. I had to tell him that it wouldn't work. Then he told me he wanted to spend his life with me and asked if I would marry him. I said no. Because I was 17 and we were both fresh out of high school and also, I didn't even know he even had a crush on me. He told me that "any two righteous people can be happy together with the blessing of the Lord, regardless of initial attraction". I said BIG no and called a friend to pick me up. Teenagers are crazy.

Got a green-card proposal, turned it down.

Another guy I went with asked me to marry him on our first date. I told him he was nuts. We ended up getting married anyway, it's been 22 years now. He's still nuts ;-)

I refused two proposals. Both men knew it was over and hoped the proposal would somehow win me back. It did not. Sure I didn't want to date you anymore, but now there is jewelry so I will commit my life to you forever.