50 Women Share The Red Flags They Ignored While Dating That Became A Reality After Marriage

To learn more about the red flags to keep an eye out for before deciding to get married, we reached out to a counselor at The Marriage Foundation to hear their thoughts on the topic. We were curious if unresolved issues in a relationship tend to be exacerbated after a couple chooses to tie the knot. “Marriage is not meant to be issues-based. Once you have found your soulmate and decide that they are the one with whom you want to complete your life’s journey with, your relationship/marriage is intended to be lived on the highest planes of love and happiness,” the counselor told Bored Panda. 

“Any so-called issue that comes up, and they do come up, should be a call to action on your part, individually, to rise above your own judgments, criticisms, and so forth,” they went on to note. “Those are the lessons in life, for you. Even those that seem to be the most complicated and challenging, are to be seen as dust compared to the unconditional love you are learning to give and live within.”

We also asked the counselor why it’s so common for people to ignore or completely miss red flags in their partners before getting married. “Red flags are often ignored or put on a back-burner because the desire to be loved and experience the joys of marriage are such a great life to look forward to (it is the soul’s compelling desire) that nearly everyone sees the red flags, but chooses to ignore them, usually with a ‘hope and a prayer’ so they can have the marriage of their dreams,” the counselor explained. “Some imagine that it’s a subconscious ignoring, but it isn’t. It is deliberate…and understandable.”

The Marriage Foundation’s counselor also provided us with some tips for how people can be more cautious before saying “I do”. “If you remind yourself that marriage is a lifetime commitment, spending the entire time with someone’, you will be more apt to prepare a list of what you are looking for, based on your own desires and wisdom, along with a list of things you do not want,” they told Bored Panda. The counselor also added that The Marriage Foundation has specific courses diving into this topic, including processes that help individuals choose the right soulmate. 

We also asked the counselor what the most important factors are for couples to consider before deciding to get married. “It is all about values, not race, age, or other outer factors. Not even social compatibility matters when you are married,” they shared. “We should carefully discover all we can about anyone who is a ‘potential’ and consider where you may meet them, too. For instance, if you are a conservative woman (I don’t mean politically) you don’t want to meet someone at a bar. Learn about their values, discreetly so you are not fooled. Also, be clear about your own values. Do you want kids? Do you want to belong to a church? Do you believe in abortion? The more you know about them the easier it will be to compare them with your list, which you should be true to.”

If you’d like to gain even more advice about building or maintaining your marriage from The Marriage Foundation, you can find their website right here.