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To absolutely no one's surprise, a big part of why so many people end up giving up on therapy is also the fact that they can't find the right match for them. Clinical researchers have long emphasized that finding a good therapist isn't necessarily about finding someone with the best credentials. Instead, you should aim to find and establish a high-quality therapeutic alliance — but that isn't your job alone.
Generally, psychologists suggest that you should look for someone you feel safe and unjudged with, someone you can share sensitive information with without feeling patronized or criticized. And, of course, you want someone who actively listens, picks up on nuances, and avoids doing all the talking for you.
Their communication style should also match your own — or at least click in a way that feels right. A directive therapist who gives you homework might be your style, while someone else might prefer a therapist with a more open-ended approach.
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A lot of the stories shared also point to the number of therapists who minimize someone's experiences, which seems to be far more common than we might have guessed. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and author, has warned against therapists who push their own personal agendas or even react negatively when you ask a question.
Instead, what they should aim to do, she says, is foster your autonomy rather than make you dependent on them for your sanity. Essentially, her point is this: therapy should feel safe, not leave you confused or afraid of disappointing your therapist. Trust your instincts and pay attention to how your body reacts.
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There are so many factors to consider when choosing a therapist as well. For starters, if you have a specific issue you want to address — like OCD, PTSD, or an eating disorder — you should aim to find a therapist who specializes in that particular condition. Or, if you believe you might need medication specific to your needs, you may want to consider seeing a psychiatrist instead.
And if it just doesn't click, don't you worry. Professionals have long agreed that changing therapists and "shopping around" is common and even expected. If, after a few sessions, you realize the connection isn't there, or that you feel misunderstood or dismissed, it is absolutely okay to find someone else to fit your needs without giving up therapy altogether.
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A lot of the stories shared also point to the number of therapists who minimize someone's experiences, which seems to be far more common than we might have guessed. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and author, has warned against therapists who push their own personal agendas or even react negatively when you ask a question.
Instead, what they should aim to do, she says, is foster your autonomy rather than make you dependent on them for your sanity. Essentially, her point is this: therapy should feel safe, not leave you confused or afraid of disappointing your therapist. Trust your instincts and pay attention to how your body reacts.
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Thankfully, more and more people are becoming more aware and accepting of therapy, despite bad experiences. Because no, it isn't just for "crazy" or depressed people — it's for everyone hoping to get a better understanding of themselves and others, and also improve each and every day.
In the United States alone, research points out that approximately 14% of adults, which amounts to around 36 million people, received counseling or therapy in 2024 alone. That number increases, though, when you include those taking prescription medication for mental health, to a whopping 22% of the population. Good for them.
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Young adults aged 18-39 are far less reticent when it comes to seeking mental health support and also make up the largest age group among therapy participants. Unfortunately, that number keeps dropping among older age groups, where the stigma surrounding mental health is still really high.
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The stigma surrounding therapy and mental health is actually really complex and layered. First, there's that internalized shame — the feeling that you should just push through because you're trying to fit yourself into a societal mold. Then, we also have cultural and generational barriers.
Both the National Center for Health Statistics (CDC) and the American Psychiatric Association (APA) claim that, depending on your culture, racial or ethnic group, mental health support can be highly frowned upon, sometimes because of strong cultural norms around family privacy or even traditional gender expectations. Because, well, unsurprisingly, women are also the largest group of people in therapy.