41 Times People Were Horribly Shocked After Learning Who Their Spouse Truly Was

Not married but live together. She's angry, selfish, bipolar and annoying to boot. Not sure why I'm still hanging out. I live in fear of having a kid with her. She's just like her mother just a bit crazier. Not sure how her dad has done it for 30 years, but I guess that's why he travels a lot. Her brother in-law deals with the same thing. He's told me to get out before it's too late. I should really listen.

She was all sweet and kind during dating, I thought she internalized a lot of things, but who was I to wonder, I used to be that way too. She worked a job that she hated and would always complain about, for about an hour after work I would listen to her complain, even on days she wasn't there she'd go over situations in depth with me about the transgressions her co-workers perpetrated on other workers or their customers. It really bogged down our relationship with a lot of baggage, I kept trying to get her to leave the job, i found numerous other less stress jobs that paid the same that she could have done that she'd be happier in, but the idea of uncertainty was worse for her. It was the whole uncertainty thing that really did it, we rarely watched any movies she hadn't already seen, whenever I suggested something new she would either go to sleep or just say to me "well you can watch it, I'm not interested." She wasn't interested in growing as a couple. But anyway I digress, what really ruined the relationship was that one day she comes home with an enema kit and wants to start putting coffee up my butt, the relationship ended that day.

He didn't necessarily change, but I woke up to an issue. His mother is overly involved. She wants to come stay weekends with us without warning. When he told her he had proposed she told him he should've waited. She was a jerk at our wedding. And when we told her I was pregnant she also said we should've waited. So...basically she has a negative opinion on us. He is a mommas boy too, so I bet it hurts, but he won't admit. I just wish she'd butt out.

Not different, the same. I love my husband immensely. While dating he was late to things. It wasnt in his mind to consider everyone elses point of view. I am a child of an alcoholic so I over consider. The balance has been good for me. That being said, i wish he would show up on time. If its his event for family or hobby he is there early. My family or my hobby he drags his feet. I hate it and its so rude and obnoxious. 23 years of it. He is not changing. I have adapted. It still makes me mad but i put it into perspective. I am no joy either, I bet.

She liked kissing women.


She's married to one now. Call me Ross.

One of my best friends told me about the morning waking up after their wedding night, all she wanted to do was count the gift money. He wrote a series of excellent divorce poems a couple years later.

She didn't finish h**h school.

After we got married I found out that she couldn't see anything moderately difficult through to the end. Including our marriage.

She ghosted me while I was at work 3 years 3 months 1 week and 3 days in. I haven't seen her since.

I will say that we weren't married (I know I know the prompt). But I don't see any comments yet. But my ex started acting different.

Once the first two years were over and things were thoroughly serious she just seemed to stop putting effort into seeing me. She was always busy and when this happens for a week its fine for a month and you start wondering if she's making plans on purpose so that we don't see each other.

So I'd say the red flag is when your loved one stops putting in the effort to continue dating and spending time with you.

My wife is a COMPLETELY different person, now. When we married, she was an out of work single mom, now she is an accountant at NASA and a terrific stepmom to my son. When we got married, I was an out of work EMT, now I work for an insurance company, fixing swimming pools as a contractor and make about $65k/yr. People change. That's just what happens. You can't marry someone and expect them to be the same person Five or ten years later. Everyone has experiences and grows in different ways.

When I was dating my ex wife, I was so in love that everything was justified or forgivable. I overlooked things like family influence, pride, ignorance and zeal because to my smitten eyes it was just culture, tradition, ethics and virtue.

As our marriage progressed there was a lot of growth from both of us. I thought that the negative traits that hindered our relationship were dying. It's what I wanted to believe.

When our son was born, all the issues of the past (controlling, distortion of facts, family interference) resurfaced.

My ex was religious when we met but always drew virtue from her faith. She questioned her peers and family constantly. I loved this in her. I was agnostic (and still am) and so our faith was no issue to anyone but her family and peers. As our marriage progressed, she started to question her teaching and found people can be moral without a fear of God.

When my son was born and I was laid off, it put a lot of strain on both of us. Like a switch, my lack of employment was a failure of my drive. My failure of a drive was due to my weakness of character. My faith (lack of) was the root of it. Her family did nothing to hinder this as her culture and faith were now in the forefront and 11 years of being together were disregarded.

My marriage failed. I'm still working through it. I still wouldn't change a thing as I have a son whom I love dearly but had I followed reason instead of my love, I would have seen the warning signs for what they were.

I can't change time and maybe this is for the best, but I will say this. Never comprise your character and realize that even though you know someone, things can change.

My ex had an awful Mom growing up and when that happens you either repeat those mistakes she made or become the best Mom in the world. She is an awesome Mom but once she became a Mom I became someone she took for granted and I was NEVER treated as an equal to my kids. To her I was only there for the income and EVERYTHING we did revolved around the kids and we stopped "dating". We were not a husband and wife. So my huge takeaway from this is to never stop dating your spouse. Never get away from what brought you together in the first place.

If your SO ever says, "I'm not good for you, you should dump me", run.

Several lies were told at the beginning but there was always an explanation and a story for it. Previous divorce but didn't spend much time with their kids. Caught several times still on dating apps but said they were just friends to keep in touch with. Never admitted to any faults of their own and all of the previous failed relationships were always the other person's fault. Couldn't keep the same group of friends. Very charismatic but couldn't keep a story straight.

Everything was about him. I was too enamored (he was very charming) to realize I'd gotten involved with a serious narcissist and later after we broke up, stalker.

Alcohol reduces inhibitions. Never marry them till you've seen 'em drunk. Then you know who they will be when they get tired of pretending. If they barely change, get giggly or tired, then they have no deep seated repressed desires. If they get mean, argumentative or are an entirely different person, be careful.

Yes. My wife (soon to be ex) was very possessive of me and my time. She expected me choose her over other things, including friends and family. I fully believe that couples should be committed to the other, so I went along. However, she never really reciprocated. There is something called "love bombing," where a person puts all of their energies into you and I think that's what made her so attractive to me - she made me feel good about myself. I wrote off her clinginess to insecurity that I felt would go away eventually. After all, I'm a badass and compassionate, I can fix anything,right?

We had good times, to be sure, but when the kids came along, the attention went their way. She's a ball of anxiety and it just too much to deal with. About 3 years ago, I sat her down and said we were in trouble and needed to go to counseling. She said "no," but said she'd read books about strengthening the marriage with me. But she didn't. Instead, she poured all of her energies into a friendship she had recently made with the mother of friends of our kids. It got to the point that I accused her of having an affair with this other woman (her unusual behaviors with her phone were only one of many indicators something might be up). She denied. A year after the accusations, I discovered she had been reading books about lesbianism (specifically being in love with a woman while married) since before the accusation. She denies to this day. And quite frankly, it's possible nothing was up, but I'll never fully believe it and need out. She won't give up this friendship, either.

So here I am, more than a year after asking for the divorce and she's still saying she'll work on things. I don't want to be the guy that tries to diagnose his spouse as a way of abdicating any responsibility, but I feel this is a case of narcissism.

He put ketchup on his Mac n cheese.

That he didn't just like to drink, he was a full blown alcoholic. He was good at hiding that when we were just dating. Didn't realize that until a few months into our marriage and he's not coming home until 6 am because he'd drink to the point of passing out about five times a week. He's nearly a year sober now. So good for him. Wish it hadn't taken two dui's to get him to admit he had a problem, but so it goes.

Another thing would be his temper. While he never kept from me that he's had anger issues in the past, I thought the extent of it was what I had already seen. (Like him threatening a guy who owed him money and making me sit next to him while he did it)
Oh no. I've never seen someone get angry so fast over something so small. The good thing is, is that he'll get over it quickly.

Because some many people are commenting on messed up families I just wanted to remind everyone of the saying
"Blood is thicker than water."

... but that isn't the full saying.

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."
You make your family.

The way he handled anger. My family was direct with anger. They would say stuff to you, or yell it at you, but they were direct. Sometimes people would explode but at least it was expressed, out in the open, for all to hear and see.

My ex-husband and his family are all sneaky! It's all passive-aggressive acting out of anger with them. So on the outside, OMG, they look so lovely! They are so well-mannered and peaceful on the outside. But when you get closer and get to know them, they will sabotage you in a million sneaky ways. They hurt people in sinister, back alley ways, while all the while looking lovely in public.

In contrast my family, and me, looked very uncouth; very uncultured and even impolite sometimes.

It took me a very long time, years, to realize how my ex-husband not only didn't love or care about me, he probably secretly despised me. I knew he disliked my family, but I didn't realize for years he disliked me too. Why did he stay with me? Because he's very religious. He thought he should please God by staying married to a woman he didn't love.

The thing is, as he tried to fake it for God, he didn't fake it well enough to fool me. Eventually, very slowly, I figured out the truth and filed for divorce. Why did I put up with that? Because I didn't know I deserved better - that all women deserve better.

One of the most frustrating things about him and his showcase family is that everyone who looks at him never sees the other side, so they all think I was crazy for leaving him, or I married him for his money. But when we married he was making $5 an hour and a few years later an impressive $500 a week. We were lower middle class for many years. I left him when he was making a decent income. That's not what a woman who married for money would do.

Understandably, my long-term relationship with him and them has left me with a truckload of trust issues. His entire family has nothing to do with me. They never reached out during or after the divorce because they knew I'd probably tell them stuff about our marriage that their Perfect Ears could not stand to hear.

That hurt for many years, how they dumped me, but I've learned to accept that most everyone has a different perception of reality, sometimes based in FACTS, but often not. They live in their fantasy world and they don't want an "interrupter" like me to blow into it with silly facts and truth.

I certainly have learned how to spot passive-aggressive people since that marriage and geez, there's a ton of them - everywhere.