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I was flipping through photo albums about 20 years later, and thought: gee he looks familar. I was in a relationship with a young man named Chris who looked like he could be that boy, we grew up in the same town. I showed the pic to him and his mom, and sure enough, it was him! 17 more years, and 2 kids later, still going strong!
"It's true, there are some circumstances in life that feel out of our control. Even when we put our best foot forward, sometimes we don't get into our dream college, get the job we interviewed for, or have our lottery ticket number hit. While of course, this can be upsetting in the short term, there is also some good news," Professor Alberhasky told Bored Panda via email.
"Happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at UC Riverside, found that when it comes to happiness, around 50% is genetic, 10% is based on life circumstances (i.e., things that happen to us), and 40% comes from how we interpret our thoughts and circumstances," the host of the ‘Psychology, Money, and Happiness’ blog shared.
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"This finding reminds me of an ancient Roman concept called stoicism, which says we do best to work hard on outcomes we have control over and to ignore outcomes which are outside of our control. Of course, this is easier said than done! While it's a fact certain things that impact our lives are simply out of our control and can make us elated or disappointed in the short term, humans are remarkably good at adapting to circumstances and synthesizing happiness."
Alberhasky gave us an example. For instance, we might be upset in the moment when we don't get the job that we wanted. However, a couple of years later, we might hold the opinion that the particular job we once craved might not have been a good fit for us, and that everything happens for a reason.
In the meantime, Bored Panda asked the marketing professor about the main things to focus on in order to lead a happy life, no matter how (un)lucky they might be.
"Time and time again, researchers find that the silver bullet to happiness comes from our social relationships. Our families, romantic partners, children, and friends are the sources that make our lives rich and meaningful," Alberhasky said.
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"One exercise I love, recommended in the book 'Happier Hour' by Cassie Mogilner Holmes, asks readers to think of an event such as Christmas with your parents. Although it's easy to take for granted, we may only have 30 Christmases with our parents left in our lifetimes. All of a sudden, we realize our time is limited," the host of the ‘Psychology, Money, and Happiness’ blog shared.
"This exercise helps put special moments with others into perspective, making us more grateful for them. Gratitude is a special ingredient when it comes to being happy and appreciating the special moments and relationships we have. Even if the wind doesn't blow your way with a one-in-a-million opportunity, consider being grateful for the one-in-a-million special relationships in your life."
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The paradox is that even though some events are super rare, they actually tend to happen all the time. As Bloomberg points out, a lot depends on how strictly or loosely you define the terms of the coincidence. The more you “relax the definition” of something, the more you increase the odds of it happening once, twice, or more.
For example, someone winning the grand prize in a lottery is a huge deal, and it’s a rare occurrence for one lucky person. However, someone still needs to win the prize (eventually). Statistically speaking, for the group of people who decide to buy lottery tickets, it’s an inevitability. Even if nobody wins the top prize this week or month, it’ll happen sooner or later.
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On top of that, let’s consider the idea of winning multiple lotteries. Winning the top prize twice or even more is an even rarer coincidence. But if we change our parameters a bit, we can greatly increase the chances of this happening.
For instance, let’s say that the person doesn’t have to win the top prize twice; they only need to win something (anything) twice. Suddenly, the coincidence becomes much more grounded. The odds are that many of you reading this have won some sort of minor prize if you’ve ever bought lottery tickets before.
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That’s not to say that we can’t be in awe when we get lucky or some fortunate coincidence pops up in our lives. Quite the contrary: it’s essential that we embrace these events and feel grateful that they happened.
On the flip side, if something bad has happened to us, we shouldn't shy away from the negative feelings that spring up. We have to embrace them, even though it's uncomfortable. Otherwise, our negative feelings can enroot themselves and turn to deep-seated shame, fear, and guilt. And working through those may require months or even years of therapy.
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Gratitude improves our lives and has been associated with our emotional, social, and psychological well-being. Not only that, but gratitude has a knock-on effect: people who feel grateful strive to extend their help to other people. Kindness, generosity, and altruism have a tendency to spread.
Which of these stories impressed you the most, Pandas? What "one-in-a-million" coincidences (whether good, bad, or nuanced) have you personally witnessed? Let us know in the comments.
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