“I Can’t Stop Laughing”: 67 Weird Little Confessions People Couldn’t Keep To Themselves

My cat loves messing with me when I’m doing exercises. Particularly when I have to be on the ground. When I get to the push-ups, she just kinda… walks under me or flops under my face. How can I not give her sweet kisses?

It’s a great motivator! I get healthy, she gets to play.

When I was 17, I got a scholarship to a very expensive East Coast school, one you might have even heard of. Anyway, since I was so poor, in addition to the scholarship, I had to work 3 part-time jobs while going to school full-time, just to afford a [trashy] basement studio filled with cockroaches.

I hardly had money for food, much less toilet paper. The fancy school always had tons of toilet paper, and I found through trial and error that if I used my tiny mailbox key to turn the toilet paper roll lock, it would free the roll.

So every week I would go into stalls and take just ONE of the two toilet paper rolls (I didn't want to ever leave anyone in a lurch in the stall), put it in my backpack, and bring it home. The key even worked on those giant rolls they had, the ones that are like two feet in diameter. If I managed to nab one of those, it lasted me a month! But I'd have to sneak it out in a garbage bag, because it was too big to fit into my backpack.

I did this for the entire four years of college, and graduated with honors, although my internal honor was blackened by my thieving. I justified it to myself that the school was so overpriced and making so much money that they could afford to support the wiping for a few years. I still feel a little bad about it, even though it was over 20 years ago.

Every single time my toast pops up perfectly golden (which is like 70% of the time), I quietly say "good job, buddy" to the toaster like it's a loyal employee who nailed the quarterly report.

If it burns even a little, I just sigh and say "we'll get 'em next time" in a disappointed-dad voice.

I've been doing this alone in my kitchen for two years. No one knows. Except now you do.

Am I the only one giving kitchen appliances emotional support?

My son got a mustache from Kindergarten last week and I wore his mustache when he asked me to. Haha it caused quite a stir, people couldn’t stop doing double takes. Some smiled, some tried to have no reaction, some complimented me. It was fun! 10/10 Would do it again. This one guy said “You get used to it tickling your nose.” Loved it. It was a real win for my fear of judgement.

Edit: I should qualify, I’m a woman.

Last week met the owner who has been worried sick about why her cat keeps refusing meals at home.

She's a fluffy grey cat who showed up at my back garden looking hungry and pitiful and I am not made of stone. I started with a little bit of chicken, then actual cat food, then she got her own bowl, then I named her Pepper.

Pepper has a home. Pepper has a name that is not Pepper. Pepper has been eating a full second dinner at my place every evening for months now and going home too full to touch her actual food and her owner, a very kind woman, has been quietly anxious about her health for most of that time.

Margaret and I had a very long conversation over the fence. I apologized extensively. She was gracious about it. Pepper sat between us looking completely unbothered. She has two dinners now officially. We worked it out. I'm not sure Pepper deserves her.

I know that sounds bad, but hear me out!

He works all the time, Work this, work that, our son this, our son that, Cooking here, Cooking there, I’m so grateful for everything he does, and I help out (I SWEAR.) I’ll take our son and we’ll hang out, or drop him off at his grandmas (husbands side.) I’ll grill on occasion to take over dinner, I can’t help with his work part though.

The only time he gets a break is when he’s sick, and I make sure he’s treated like a king in our bed, I feel like I’m immune to whatever he gets, I made sure the bed is comfortable, I’ll ran him baths and carry him myself to the tub, I re-wet his rag every 15-20 minutes, Make sure he’s in comfortable clothes.

He hates being sick, especially if pain is involved, and I hate that for him, but I love seeing him get rest, I make the food he wants, I make sure our son waves from the doorway, and his computer is close if he needs to meet a deadline.

I especially love bringing him food, He loves soup when sick, He’ll take a bite and shake his booty like a dog wagging it’s tail, and rest while I feed him, I hate how he feels when he’s sick, but I love seeing him rest when he can.

He gets really bossy when sick, but he’s so loving when I ‘complete my task’ (his words.) I’ll bring soup, and feed him, and he’ll talk in a sweet voice about how he loves me, and he’s so thankful, or I’ll help get him to the tub, and he’ll talk about how grateful he is that he gave me a chance, or how handsome I look when I’m sitting by the tub and waiting.

I’m definitely a dog for my husband, but I wouldn’t change it for a thing.

Edit: to clear things up: I’m a man too! I’m built and taller than my husband, while he’s slender and lean, He’s easy to pick up and carry around! I’m a tree, and he’s my squirrel. 😆

Yes, it might be embarrassing for some, but it's my way of relieving stress.

I'm 28 years old, have a career, and other commitments, like any adult. However, at the end of each day, before going to bed, I talk to my stuffed animals.

I have many, scattered across my bed and around the room. Some are old, some new, received as gifts from friends or purchased because they're adorable. All of them have become my audience in the bedroom.

They help me express myself in the most natural way, telling them everything that happened during the day. They don't understand what I'm saying, but I feel like they're listening. It's as if no one is judging me when I share private matters with them.

I also do other things in the bedroom, including saying goodbye to my stuffed animals before going to sleep.

I don't think there's anything wrong with this practice, but it might make me feel embarrassed if someone saw me doing it.

Loud enough for any parents around to hear. Someone always comes running to fetch them, while giving me a dirty look, and it makes me laugh. It also may have saved a kid from getting lost or kidnapped, you never know.

When I get sick, my body releases a waterfall of clear mucous from my nose that does not stop for three days straight at least. I hate the sensation of my nose drilling immensely. I cannot stand it, and in my younger years I would simply put a washcloth down and lay on the offending nostril and let it drain while I slept. However, I got the idea last night to try shoving a cotton ball up there and see what happens. In less than an hour the cotton ball was entirely saturated and began dripping through the cotton, so I decided I needed something more absorbent. Enter the light tampon. Small enough to fit, large enough to soak up the icky. My mom thinks it's a bit odd but it's finally working, so I don't really care.

I (32f) had broken up with one of my first girlfriends about ten years ago. It ended messy and so I gathered a couple friends and went to the most poppin gay bar I could find.

Fast forward a couple hours and a few drinks later and there I am… edge of the dance floor. I’m on top of a chair, fresh drink in my hand, dancing my heart out.

I look across the sea of sweaty strangers and spot a girl, a beautiful girl. She looks at me back and I swear we have this indescribable moment. We start to wave and gesture at each other to come over to dance. I have my friends help me off my chair and I start walking towards her. I notice she does the same.

The butterflies are starting to spread in my stomach as we get closer. The lights are flashing, the smoke machine is working overtime and my eyes are a little fuzzy now and then but I never lose sight of her.

Finally, we’re nearly face-to-face, seperated only by a row of bar stools on the dance floor’s edge. We each have the same idea at the same time: one of us should crawl over them to the other. It’s obviously the right move.

Being a gentle-lady, I volunteer and get my knees on the stool and I reach my hand out for support as she reaches hers forward to help pull me over and then…

My hand makes impact. Not with the soft hands of a beautiful girl but of something hard and cold and flat. I look up and squint to see my own, quite disheveled, reflection staring back at me. I lift my hand to the mirror I forgot surrounds the dance floor and touch my face and watch the mirror do the same. I decide I should probably stop drinking for the night.

I return to my friends, still off in their own world dancing. They ask how it went and if I got her number. I told them no, I already have her number and proceed to tell them the tale of how I hit on myself. A tale they will never let me forget and rightfully so.

Met this guy at a party and he asked what music I’m into. I wanted to sound mysterious and intellectually hot so I said “mostly underground artists.”

He got excited and asked who I listen to.

My mind went completely blank.

I panicked so hard that I looked him in the eyes and said “Ariana Grande.”

There was a full 4 seconds of silence before I tried to recover by saying “you probably haven’t heard her older stuff.”

I have not slept peacefully since.

Learn from me how to embarrass yourself...

There is one particular light on my way home that i swear when it sees me coming from way down the street it stays green until I’m through it!

I know that isn’t possible, but I thank it just the same.

Ever since I was a kid, I hated to see the worms come out in the rain and doom themselves by getting stranded on the sidewalk. Even as a grown woman, I will stop and gently move them back into the grass with a leaf, twig, or even my bare hands. I am sure the birds sometimes find them, but at least they are nourishing another creature that way instead of wasting away on the pavement!

As the title says, I don’t care for grilling, It’s the only time I really cook as my husband loves cooking inside, He enjoys baking and making anything pasta related to show off his skills to me, though he’s been really into making pizzas for me.

But sometimes, I’ll decide I want to grill hamburgers or hotdogs, or anything really, and he’ll decide to relax in the sun, I know this, which is the only reason I like to grill in the first place.

And he’s got these banana shorts that he wears, Don’t even remember where they came from but he loves wearing them while chilling out in the sun, and wear, oh god, He’s got banana glasses that match his shorts, I can’t stand them but he loves them, so I love them.

And while I’m watching him, our son chills in the kiddie pool, He’ll just lay there because he likes the warm water, I love grilling days.

My husband and I took the in-laws out for a nice dinner on Mother's Day. My mother-in-law is a very proper lady and is always insisting on good manners, so this was extra humorous. During dessert, I heard this low rumbling, and looked around, and it was coming from her. Suddenly, she let out the loudest and loooongest fart I have ever heard, it just kept on going, and going, and even the servers in the restaurant looked around for the sound, and then after a while it finally stopped, and there was complete silence around us. She turned red, and said, "Well, excuse me!" And my father-in-law burst out laughing, while I covered my laugh with a napkin and pretended it didn't happen. I felt bad for her so I made sure no one saw me laugh.

But as soon as we got home, my husband and I laughed and laughed about it. That is all.

My dad told me that the string on a public bus was an emergency brake. I didn't know he was pulling my leg until a couple years ago.

Im a full grown adult. now

I lived in a major city in the US with big public transportation, and I asked my dad what the strings were for. He told me there were an emergency brake. If we needed to brake urgently, that's how you tell the bus driver

It wasnt until my sophomore year of college, that I realized that it was an indicator for passengers wanting to get off at the next exit. I missed my exit three times before I finally saw someone else do it.

I told my parents about it and they laughed, saying they didn't want me pulling that string as a kid too many times and ruining the bus ride for everyone.

And now I feel super silly.

who caught a lost hiker. Don't judge me, I already know.

I (F24) live in a shared student housing facility, and the entire building uses the same laundry room. Most people just take their laundry and fold/put it away in their rooms, but I like to fold it immediatly after taking it out of the machine. At first it was to avoid wrinkly bed sheets, but now it's turned into showing off my folding :) Everytime i fold my towels, bed sheets and especially my fitted sheets, I hope people notice how good I am at it. It makes no sense at all, and there's probably nobody that notices, but it feels like such a flex to put my perfectly folded laundry into my bag and bring it back into the elevator with me :)

One for me and one for my boyfriend and I ate both of them.

When I was a little kid, kindergarten age or younger, I picked up the idea that kids don't like spinach. So the next time my parents served spinach I insisted I hated it and refused to eat it. My parents responded "oh, this isn't spinach, this is seaweed like Ariel eats in the little mermaid." I had no problem with that and continued to eat and enjoy it for the rest of my childhood.

In high school I was so excited to get my license and I would volunteer to go do the grocery shopping for the chance to drive. And so this led to me asking my mom where the seaweed is at the A&P, because I never see it when I was there.