You would expect wedding service providers and vendors to behave professionally and have their customers’ best interests at heart. After all, their finances depend on them. But unfortunately, some business owners prefer to be bigoted instead.
Jordan Boughner (@jdawgg13_), from Oklahoma, who was organizing her queer wedding, went viral after revealing how a homophobic videographer pulled the rug out from under her feet. After confirming that he would be incredibly interested in working with the two brides, the videographer then canceled in a very hurtful way. Read on for the full story.
No happy couple should have to compromise over the dream wedding they want
This woman was looking for a videographer for her two-bride wedding. The service provider she found caused her a huge amount of stress
Here's what the communication with the videographer looked like - he flip-flopped between two different positions
The bride explained why the videographer's behavior hurt so much
You can watch the full video right here
It is very important that you hire vendors who celebrate you and make you feel safe
According to the bride’s testimony in her videos on TikTok, she was very upfront about her wedding with the videographer. She made it incredibly clear that there were going to be two brides. She wanted to know if the service provider was comfortable with this.
After he confirmed that he would be interested in working with the two brides, he sent them a contract. Later, the videographer allegedly changed his mind and stepped back from the event.
The service provider’s email to the couple reads: “I understand why my message this morning felt confusing and concerning, especially after I had sent the contract last night, I’m sorry for the mixed signals and the stress this has caused. After sending the contract I took some time to pray and talk it over with my family. Sitting with it, I realized I don’t feel able to move forward in good conscience.”
According to Boughner, this approach was selfish, especially since she gave the service provider a way to say “no” from the very beginning.
‘Rock n Roll Bride’ emphasizes that it is essential to find LGBTQ+ affirming vendors who are genuinely inclusive, not just tolerant. “There’s a very real need to feel safe, seen, and celebrated by the people helping you plan your day.”
One thing that you should do when looking for service providers and vendors who are the right fit for your wedding celebration is to look for explicit language that shows their values.
Look at the language they use on their sites and social media accounts. Is it neutral or actively supportive of you and your partner’s life choices?
Furthermore, look at their wedding portfolios and see if they feature queer couples. At the end of the day, if you’re not sure, email or call the vendors directly and ask. Keep an eye out for any defensive behavior or excuses.
Here are a few things that you can ask them so that you can check their experience level and also see how comfortable they would be working at your wedding:
- Have you worked with LGBTQ+ couples before?
- Do you have inclusive and gender-neutral language in your contracts or materials?
- Are you comfortable navigating non-traditional roles?
- How do you handle venues or collaborators who aren’t LGBTQ+ inclusive?
Inclusivity isn't really inclusive if service providers only mention it in June
In the meantime, you can support queer creatives and choose LGBTQ+-owned businesses from the get-go. You can always reach out to queer spaces online and on social media to get quality recommendations.
Don’t compromise on what you want, and trust your gut. Your wedding service providers and vendors should make you feel celebrated, seen, and safe. Always trust your gut.
“Your wedding is a celebration of who you are. You don’t need to compromise on your identity to make someone else comfortable. Every single vendor you book should reflect your values, your love, and your right to be joyfully, unapologetically queer,” ‘Rock n Roll Bride’ points out.
“The wedding industry still has a long way to go, but change happens when we demand more and support those doing it right. You are not asking too much. You are setting a standard.”
Meanwhile, Business Insider warns that a major red flag for happy couples is if the vendor’s website shows no hint of LGBTQ+ representation.
“If all I see are cis, heterosexual, white people on someone's profile, this may not be the right vendor,” New York-based wedding planner, who specializes in LGBTQ+ weddings, Emily Monus, told BI.
She notes that some businesses may be accepting, even if you can’t find evidence of it on their social media pages. In the meantime, Kirsten Palladino, the co-founder and editorial director of Equally Wed, stressed that it is vital that vendors are consistent in their inclusivity. If all they do is show support during Pride Month, it’s not enough.
“It needs to be consistent, not just popping up in June. I'm still queer in December. Are you welcoming me into your business at that time?” Palladino explained to BI.
Something to keep in mind is that some wedding service providers don’t use photos of real and authentic couples but instead opt for LGBTQ+ stock images.
We want to hear from you, Pandas. Have you ever had any problems with wedding vendors or service providers? What were the most stressful things you experienced while organizing your wedding? What advice would you give happy couples who are dealing with less-than-friendly vendors? Share your perspectives and experiences in the comments.
The story went viral online, and internet users shared their perspectives
