Not every teenager has a peaceful home life. In fact, some parents kick their teens out of home over some kind of family conflict. The National Alliance To End Homelessness reports that over 38k young people are homeless in the U.S. on any given night.
Some, like the teen in this story, find shelter with extended family members. And their parents may never come around. In fact, they might pack their child's things in garbage bags and dump them at said aunt's house. Yet karma may still find them, perhaps in the form of another mother on the PTA.
A teen's toxic mother kicked her out of the house at 17
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But the lady got her comeuppance when another mom on the PTA found out about it and outed her to other parents
Image credits: Pressmaster/Envato (not the actual photo)
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Competing with your child for attention and validation are signs of a toxic mother
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Estrangement with one's mother isn't common, yet it can be incredibly painful. In 2017, Statista asked Americans how they would describe their relationship with their mother. 56% claimed it's "very good," with only 1% saying it's "very bad" and 2% stating that they maintain no contact with their mothers.
It can be hard to recognize the signs of a toxic mother. Clinical psychologist Emily Guarnotta, PsyD defines toxic mothers as those who harm their children emotionally, mentally, and even physically. They might do it through manipulation, control, belittling, or neglect. Some toxic mothers also use guilt and shame so their children feel responsible for their emotional needs.
The experts at Lotus Therapy write that the most common characteristic of a toxic mother is narcissistic tendencies. Toxic mothers prioritize their well-being over that of their children, sometimes even competing with them for attention and validation.
When you have a toxic mother, it's difficult to distance yourself from them, even when you know keeping low contact is the best solution. A relationship with a mother affects all other relationships, Dr. Linda Mintle writes. "Our relationship with mom is one of the closest bonds two people can share," she claims.
Young adults who grow up with toxic mothers often carry the "Mother Wound"
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Psychologists now theorize that we carry the trauma from the mother-child relationship into our other relationships. When a mother fails to give her child the proper emotional love and care, experts refer to it as the "Mother Wound."
Psychologist Bethany Webster was the first to use this term. She describes the Mother Wound as "the pain rooted in our relationship with our mothers that is passed down from generation to generation."
While Webster's definition is more about the role of women in a patriarchal society and the complicated relationship between mothers and daughters, other psychologists have since expanded the concept of the Mother Wound. Sherry Gaba, LCSW, writes that the Mother Wound "is a loss or a lack of mothering."
Children get the Mother Wound if their mother took care of their physical needs but failed to give love, care, and security. These types of mothers also show little to no empathy for their children, are extra critical, or had unresolved childhood trauma. Many children with a Mother Wound have mothers with substance abuse issues or an untreated mental health condition.
Gaba explains that a mother doesn't have to be negative, abusive, or neglectful for the child to carry the Mother Wound. But mothers who are "always distant and less tuned-into the emotional needs of their children" still have a profound effect on our future relationships. This type of relationship fosters codependency: the child always strives for the mother's approval and feels like they have to shelter and protect her.
So, what are the best ways to heal a Mother Wound? Psychotherapist Duygu Balan, LPCC recommends getting in touch with your feelings and your inner child. She claims we have to find ways to nurture ourselves: whether that's practicing self-care like taking walks or having coffee with friends, or engaging in creative expression.
Another crucial step is to start "parenting" or "mothering" yourself. Essentially, it involves looking back to your childhood and identifying what was missing. "Recognizing that the ruptures in your early attachments weren't your fault will heal the damage that led to feeling unworthy of love, self-denying, and deprecating," Balan explains.
The young woman clarified why she and her siblings had different last names and why the school might not have known they were related
"Mrs D. for PTO president!" people in the comments gushed about the lady
Other people also shared similar stories about their toxic mothers
