The internet gives everyone a chance to decide how they want to be seen. You can choose the photo, the caption, the joke, or the story that goes up, and leave out anything that does not fit the image you want people to have of you.
Psychologists call this self-presentation or impression management, which basically means shaping how other people see you by choosing what you show them.
Acting fearless, unbothered, or impossible to mess with can become part of the character someone wants to build online. A study of Instagram profiles found that how people present themselves online can differ from how they describe their own personalities.
The study also found that viewers can form ideas about someone’s personality based on what they see online. More often than not, this may not be an accurate representation.
Researchers who study social media have found that users often think about who might be seeing their posts, even when they do not know exactly who is looking. This means a post can be written with a particular audience in mind, whether it is friends, strangers, potential partners, or people who need to know that you are absolutely not someone to mess with.
The audience may exist only in someone’s head, but it can still shape what they post and how they choose to present themselves.
For some men, the pressure to look tough comes from trying to prove their masculinity. Psychologist Ronald Levant, who researches men and masculinity, describes traditional masculine norms as including toughness, self-reliance, dominance, and restricting the expression of vulnerable emotions.
These ideas can start early, with boys learning that being a man means being strong and keeping certain feelings to themselves. That does not mean every guy showing off online has some huge psychological issue. It does help explain why looking tough can matter so much to some people.
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Nobody wants to feel like the least impressive person in the room, and social media can make it easy to compare ourselves with others. One person posts an expensive car, another posts a gym photo, and someone else feels the need to prove they are just as impressive.
Research on online self-presentation shows that people adjust how they present themselves based on the audience they are trying to reach. More often than not, the result can be a carefully polished image that looks very different from everyday life.
Trying to control how everyone sees you can be exhausting. A large study of more than 10,000 Facebook users found that people whose online self-expression was more authentic also reported greater life satisfaction. A follow-up experiment found that posting genuine content was associated with a more positive mood.
This does not mean posting a silly tough-guy photo will ruin anyone’s day. But it does suggest that constantly trying to maintain an idealized version of yourself may be less satisfying than being comfortable with who you are.
