When you need guidance, your family can be a priceless resource. But sometimes, they get involved in matters where you'd rather be left alone.
Last week, Reddit user Plenty_Jacket2186 shared her story on r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC, describing a heated conflict that erupted over her unborn daughter's name.
What should have been a joyful occasion became a battleground, as her brother and other relatives insisted they had a say in the decision.
While the woman's intuition told her she was in the right, a seed of doubt began to take root.
When this woman revealed the name she had chosen for her daughter to her family, she thought they would like it as much as she did—or at least be supportive
Image credits: Blake Cheek / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But their response was nothing like she had expected
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Martinez / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Plenty_Jacket2186
The woman behind the story told us she hopes that by sharing her experience, she can help others feel empowered to stand up against inappropriate behavior
We managed to get in touch with Plenty_Jacket2186, and she was kind enough to give us more context about her family dynamics.
When asked about her relationships with her mother and brother, the Redditor said the word that came to mind was "rocky."
"My brother and I were close when I was a child, but that was about it," she explained to Bored Panda. "He would constantly try to assert authority over me as if he had any, even though we were close in age."
"My mother and I constantly bickered, and it was as if she had it out for me at a young age. I've heard a saying that mothers like to compete with their daughters, and it felt as though she was doing that in order to pin him against me."
In general, the Redditor said her family has been iffy with supporting her pregnancy. "They've still taken every opportunity to stress me out, but they still provide me with a living situation, and I am at least grateful for that. I am high-risk, so they've started to do it less often now."
Now that some time has passed since this conflict broke out, the woman said she's "learned that sometimes, you can't tell family everything. Keep names private until they come out. That, and that family isn’t always supportive. Especially if you’ve had a toxic relationship in the past. When people start to harm you or disrespect you during pregnancy, sometimes it’s better to cut it off.
Thank you so much for your time and hearing my story during this interview. I had a blast answering questions! Please reach out if you need any more clarification. :)
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At times, children's names can come with a bit of disappointment, but it's usually short-lived
According to Tammy Gold, LCSW, MSW, CEC, a licensed therapist and parenting coach, setting boundaries with relatives around pregnancy, birth, and raising a child is often easier said than done, but it is crucial. Expectant parents should feel empowered to create their own set of values for their new family.
Most importantly, Gold notes that unnecessary stress during baby name conversations is not good for the pregnancy itself, and this should also be communicated to the family.
Because of that, experts suggest:
- Learning more about the family member's life. Knowing where they lived, what they did for work, who they married, and more can create an added layer of meaning to the name and its legacy.
- Consider using the name as a middle name instead.
- Looking to the name simply for inspiration. For instance, Georgia, after great-grandpa George, keeps the name alive.
- Consider using the family name—and picking a cute nickname for day-to-day use.
However, parents must also prepare for the possibility of initially regretting their decision either way. A new study conducted by BabyCenter discovered that about 1 in 10 parents say they wish they had chosen a different name for their child.
So, the fact that the Redditor has been having second thoughts about the moniker is completely normal. For example, the survey found that 20% of parents believe their kid's nickname has such a strong presence that they even prefer it to the legal name. Although middle names are often not shared amongst people, about 15% of parents prefer their child's middle name to their first name.
The silver lining is that time often takes care of these things. While 21% of moms regretted their baby's name during the first year, only 6% had doubts later on.
Maybe the same applies to other family members as well.
Most of those who read the story believe the woman did nothing wrong and agree that she had every right to make her own decision about her child's name
Some, however, have taken issue with how she handled the situation
As the reactions kept pouring in, the woman released an update
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nini FromParis / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Plenty_Jacket2186
She also shared the conversation she had with her brother
Image credits: Plenty_Jacket2186
Want to make sense of complicated human dynamics? Visit our Family Dynamics Hub for expert-backed guides on toxic behavior, setting boundaries, and emotional healing.