A birth is a celebration in the family, but it should never become a spectacle open to anyone and everyone. People might feel excited to be there when a new family member arrives, but most couples choose to keep it an intimate affair: just the two of them and the doctors, and perhaps a handful of family members.
Mothers-in-law wanting to attend the birth is common. Yet it’s also common for mothers not to want them there. This was the case for this pregnant woman, too, who was trying to avoid her overbearing MIL as she started having contractions. Unfortunately, the MIL didn’t back off even when the baby was born, so the couple had to take some drastic measures and set firm boundaries.
A pregnant woman felt suffocated by her overbearing mother-in-law
Image credits: jexm / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As she started having contractions, the MIL wouldn’t back off when all the woman wanted was peace and quiet
Image credits: George Dagerotip / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NotTheEndOfSummer
Commenters urged the husband to step in and unceremoniously kick out his mother
Overbearing MILs are people too, and understanding where they’re coming from can help deal with their shenanigans
Stories of drama between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law are as old as time. Conflicts arise when the MIL wants to be involved in the family’s life too much and the wife wishes to maintain some distance. While it may seem impossible, there are some ways to deal with an overbearing mother-in-law, although some of them might be challenging.
Firstly, experts recommend keeping in mind that the mother-in-law, like anyone else, is just a person. As Brooke Schwartz, LCSW, writes, once you understand where she’s coming from, it may be easier to grasp why she’s acting the way she is.
“[In-laws], too, have a bunch of stuff wrapped into becoming grandparents,” Ebru Halper, LPC, NCC, writes. “Maybe they look at it as an opportunity to redeem themselves, maybe they miss that close, loving contact of holding a baby, or maybe they are reminded of all that they failed to do as parents.”
They also recommend that daughters-in-law not take every word or action of the in-laws to heart. Yes, they can be annoying, but they can be hurtful only when you give them the power to hurt you. “They are entitled to their opinions as you are to yours,” Halper says. “You and your spouse/partner have the final say.”
Unannounced visitors need to be told firmly but politely that the host can’t accept them right now
As an introvert, I can’t imagine a more stressful situation than someone coming to visit unannounced. However, some people grow up in cultures or environments where “dropping by” is completely normal and expected. It’s unclear whether the MIL in this story feels entitled to visits “for a mini holiday” because she wants to see her grandchild or because she doesn’t think that unannounced visits are a big deal.
Still, the couple has made it clear that they don’t want her visiting, and she still insists. There’s no rulebook specifying how often a MIL is allowed to visit, but there are statistics on how often mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law interact. According to a 2012 study, 23.2% of daughters-in-law have daily or weekly contact with their MILs. 32.6% interact with theirs daily, 22.6% do so every six months, 8.4% meet yearly, and 12.6% do so even less often.
Having contact and getting surprise visits are not the same, though. While it may seem fine to drop in on family members, even etiquette experts agree it’s not okay. As etiquette expert Nikesha Tannehill Tyson with The Swann School of Protocol told Bored Panda in the past, even family members should adhere to the three core etiquette values: respect, honesty, and consideration.
“When a guest shows up unannounced, and it is inconvenient, be honest and let them know you are not prepared for a visit and would like a text or phone call in advance,” said the etiquette expert. She offers a script for remaining polite yet firm: “‘It’s so great to see you, I will have to end our visit by 4:30 PM today.’ Or ‘I’m so glad we could connect today! I’m available until lunchtime today.’ There is no need to give a reason for the time limit unless you choose to do so.”
The husband did come through and got rid of his mom in a hilariously petty way
Image credits: lipik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NotTheEndOfSummer
Commenters cheered for the husband, but warned the woman that the hardest part of dealing with the MIL was yet to come
And they were right: the MIL was concocting a plan to come stay with the family uninvited for a ‘mini’ holiday
Image credits: tan4ikk / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NotTheEndOfSummer
People in the comments judged the MIL: “Seems like blatant disrespect to me”
In the final update, the father-in-law came through and threatened to change the locks to their house if the MIL were to try to impose on her son’s family again
Image credits: shurkin_son / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NotTheEndOfSummer
“Wow, she sounds exhausting,” the commenters concluded
