Pregnancy In The Media Is Often Sugar-Coated And These Women Are Not Having It (30 Stories)

We live in a society where women's bodies have constantly been misrepresented, maligned, unheard and thoroughly misunderstood. A woman’s body changes not only every month, it undergoes dramatic transformations during puberty, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause. And while being repeatedly stigmatized, no wonder many women choose to suffer in silence.

We know now that by changing the education patterns of how we view female bodies, periods, pregnancies, and miscarriages, we change the narrative surrounding them. Crucially, these conversations pave the way for young girls to not feel ashamed and invisible but rather empowered by their female bodies.

So in order to open up one such conversation, we reached out to Lori Beth Blaney, the director at Rachel’s Gift, Inc. who devoted her life to validating each child's life and lending guidance on the path to healing for parents who lost a child. We spoke about one of the least talked about things in our society, which is women who have experienced miscarriage, a topic still widely seen as taboo or something we don’t know how to talk about.

“A lot of people who have never experienced a pregnancy loss assume that it's not as painful as other losses because we never got to 'know' our babies,” Lori said and continued: “They assume this because no one else lost a relationship with that child so it's a blip on the radar to them. However, most moms bond with their babies very early in the pregnancy as they have already formed a physical relationship with the child growing inside them.”

Lori explained that they have changed eating habits, lifestyle, started taking supplements, all things to take care of their baby even from a very early stage. “Because the life is growing inside you, it also feels like a loss of a part of yourself and your future. It is very complicated and very debilitating to a lot of mothers,” she said and added that it is very isolating as many just don't understand.

“If a mom doesn't have any living children, her motherhood can feel very invalidated. What do you say to this mom on Mother's Day, for instance? Her physical motherhood was very real and tangible to her but not necessarily others. Others don't recognize her publicly as a mother,” Lori said, explaining that this can feel isolating and lead to feelings of rejection.

Moreover, “physically, her body still goes through all of the hormonal changes as it moves from being pregnant to not; just like after you have a live birth. These hormonal changes/crashes on top of the grief of loss can be very dangerous and play a big role in maternal suicide rates.”

There is also the discomfort of Empty Arms Syndrome, a little talked about phenomenon that happens to a woman “walking out of the hospital after a birth without a baby, coming home to a nursery, and many more blows that add secondary traumas to the trauma of pregnancy and infant loss. These additional traumas complicate and elongate the grieving process,” Lori told us.