Having your family, partner or friends’ support is important. It’s crucial to have close people who you can talk to when hard times come, who you know will always listen and support you without judging and would put your needs and feelings first when needed. However, sometimes even our closest people tend to care about their wishes more than helping you in the hardest period of time.
One Reddit user shared his story online after he found out that his ex-wife has cancer and decided to be there for his son, postponing his holidays with his current girlfriend, who got mad about him prioritizing his ex-wife over her.
More info: Reddit
A booked and paid vacation is not the most important thing in life, but this man's girlfriend puts it before his son's well-being
Image credits: freestocks (not the actual photo)
He shares that he married his wife young, has a son and had an amicable divorce; during the school year, his son stays with him
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
However, not long ago, they found out that his ex-wife has cancer
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
He has saved and planned a vacation with his girlfriend, but with this situation, he wants to take time off to be there with his son
Image credits: [deleted]
But the issue is that his girlfriend is not happy about it and says that the man is prioritizing his ex-wife over her
A few days ago, a Reddit user shared his story online, asking community members if he is being a jerk for postponing his vacation with his girlfriend because his ex-wife has cancer and he wants to help and be there for his son during this hard time. The post received quite a lot of attention and in 3 days collected over 4K upvotes and 1.8K comments.
The author starts his story by explaining that he and his ex-wife divorced 6 years ago. They married young, but after 8 years, understood that it wasn’t working and to stay together in order to make their families happy wasn't fair to them. He adds that he doesn’t blame her for anything and they had an amicable divorce. Now their son stays with him for a school year and for summers and holidays, goes to his mom.
However, OP’s ex-wife got diagnosed with cervical cancer last month and the survival rates aren’t great. Now, he adds that he had saved 2 weeks to go to Hawaii with his girlfriend this winter break, but with this situation, he wants to take these days to go with his son to visit his mom and be there for him. Another thing is that his son may have to stay with him for winter break, and he doesn’t want to go on vacation and leave his son alone.
The author says that his girlfriend is not happy about this as flights for their vacation have already been booked. He suggested to postpone the trip and to cover the fee that it would cost to change dates, but the GF thinks OP’s son should be able to be alone as he's old enough. The woman accused the OP of choosing his ex-wife over her, not taking into account that he just wants to support and be there for his son during this difficult time, because losing a mom at any age is traumatic.
The author received the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge and support from people online, but they also discussed that his girlfriend shows red flags. “G.F is very uncaring. It costs nothing to show compassion and understanding. I hope OP sees that after,” one user wrote. “Imagine being a child and knowing that your dad is in Hawaii with his gf living the best of their life while you are alone with your dying mother,” another added.
Image credits: Nicole Geri (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., who is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, and mother. She kindly agreed to share her professional insights about how parents, in this case the father, can support their kids during hard times, the impact of pressure from one's partner and importance of attunement in partners.
Our interviewee emphasizes that her answers are based on the Bowen Family Systems Theory. It focuses on understanding the family as an emotional unit and the complex interactions within it. “The concept of differentiation of self is central to this theory, where individuals are encouraged to balance their emotional and intellectual functioning and intimacy with independence in relationships.”
Dr. Ilene shares that the author can best support his son emotionally by reassuring him of his constant presence and availability. It’s also crucial to maintain open communication, allowing the son to express his feelings freely without judgment. Also, encouraging his son to spend time with his mom may facilitate a better understanding and acceptance of the situation.
Now, speaking about the pressure from the girlfriend, the therapist shares that it could create additional emotional stress for the author, potentially leading to relationship strain. He may feel torn between his responsibility towards his son and his commitment to his partner. “This tension could hinder his differentiation process, as he might struggle to balance his own needs and those of his relationship,” she adds.
Additionally, Dr. Ilene notes that during hard times, it’s important for a partner to be attuned to their loved one’s specific needs. This shows empathy and understanding, fostering stronger emotional bonds. “A partner's ability to put aside personal desires and support their loved one can significantly contribute to relationship stability and individual well-being,” she emphasizes.
“It's important to note that each family member's reactions will influence the others. The author's decision to prioritize his son's needs might initially upset his girlfriend, but with open and honest communication, it can lead to a deeper understanding and respect for each other's roles and responsibilities,” Dr. Ilene shares.
So this behavior from his girlfriend really doesn’t make OP feel better and make the decision easier. But anyway, what do you think about this situation? Were the girlfriend's feelings valid or did the man want to do the right thing by being there for his son? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Redditors shared support to the author and shamed his girlfriend for her lack of empathy
