309 Petty Revenge Stories That Show Why You Should Never Be An Asshole To Other People (Add Yours)

(I’m a manager. I am ringing up a woman I have sold things to before. We are making small talk as I ring her up. Note: I’m a lesbian.)

Customer: “I can’t believe the president came out in support for gay marriage!”
Me: “I know; kind of unbelievable!”
Customer: “That f** lover is going to burn in hell for that!”
Me: *biting my tongue* “Okay.”
(I finish ringing her up and hand the customer her bags.)
Customer: “They should round up all the gays and put them down.”
Me: “That would be bad for me, seeing as I am a lesbian.”

(The woman turns pale and walks out without saying a word. A few hours later, I get a call from the manager of another one of our stores. On the line, I can hear the same customer I previously sold items to ranting.)

Manager: *also a woman* “So, this woman is here wanting to exchange a bunch of stuff from your store. When I asked her what was wrong with the items, she said you tainted them; I have no idea what she is talking about. Could you maybe clear this up for me?”
Me: “Well, I bet it is because she found out I was gay.”
Manager: “I see.” *starts talking in sultry voice* “Well, I’ll see you tonight for our date. You should put on that that black lace bra and panty set I got you for your birthday! I love you!” *hangs up*

I am very confused, seeing as I have never dated that manager, nor did she ever get me underwear, and as far as I know, she is not gay.

Fast forward a few days later to the manager weekly conference call: apparently, the customer left the other store after thinking the other manager was also gay. That manager then called every other store in the area and told everyone about the customer. Over the next few days, the customer went to every store in a 20 mile radius trying to exchange the ‘tainted goods’. Everyone she talked to pretended to be gay when working with her and she left every time. To my knowledge, she never got her exchange.

I was at the post office one day when an elderly lady in front of me asked for a single stamp.
Obviously considering this a waste of her time, the woman behind the counter makes a snorting noise, rips off a stamp and flicks it across the counter where it lands on the floor. She doesn’t apologise or offer the lady another stamp. The old lady considers for a second, picks up the stamp and leaves her 50 cent piece on the floor in its place. She says a cheery “Thank you!” and walks out, and the woman behind the counter has to walk around to pick up the money.

I was at a Craft Store in my town, and it wasn’t too busy, but only one register was open. The cashier, a teen aged girl, I could tell was working as best as she could. The process was a tad slower however, because she had a stutter, and a bit of a lisp.

As she worked through the line, asking the usual questions probably mandated by the big wigs (I’ve worked in retail, it’s a thing), the man behind me began to huff and puff. He muttered something about having places to go, he was in a hurry, etc. I ignored him, until I heard him start to mock her to his kids.

W-w-would you l-like y-y-y-y-y-y-your reSCHKeet?
The kids began to laugh. It really made my blood boil. Especially since I could tell the cashier heard his mockery. That really made my blood boil. When a person doesn’t respect retail employees as people, it’s the best way to tell whether a person is an asshat or not.

So, when it was my turn at the register, she asked me in a small voice “Are you a member o-o-of the rew-w-rewards club?” And I looked smugly at the guy behind me, and back at her.

Me: The rewards club? Oooo that sounds great! Please explain it to me?
She seemed surprised at first, but then looked at the guy behind me, and then it clicked.

I have never given my information so slowly in my life. Never had I asked as many questions as I did. She smiled and answered my inquiries, while the guy behind me was seething.

Him: Can you hurry up, please?
Me: And miss out on these great rewards? As if!
I only held him up for about 5 minutes… but wooo child, it felt so good.

So I live next door to a couple (a VERY conservative couple) and their twin boys. The boys can’t be more than 8, and like most kids, they like to play in the back yard. Which is totally fine, doesn’t bother me at all. They’re kids and like to run around. What bothers me though is that they love to throw their toys over into my yard. Alot of toys. Action figures, balls, frisbees, rackets, etc.

Them throwing them over don’t even really bother me that much. What bothers me is that the parents keep demanding that we have to throw them back. They don’t ask, they don’t knock on the door and apologize, they just yell over there fence when they know that we are outside and TELL us to give it back. And that bothers me. They also seem to encourage their kids to throw it over to our yard.

So after Christmas I was at the store and saw that they had a ton of Barbie’s, nail polish, Bratz doll frisbees, and balls on the clearance. I bought 5 of everything I could find that I knew my neighbors would hate seeing their sons play with. Every time an action figure gets thrown over to my yard, I will throw a barbie back with it. Every time a ball gets thrown, a Bratz ball will be returned. I already threw a couple nail polishes over and the twins went crazy. They loved it. They’ve had pink, purple, and green nails all week.

It’s been 2 days and not a single action figure has crossed my fence. More importantly, not a single rude demand from the parents to return them. The kids are having fun, and I have pretty revenge.

Coffee shop.
People next to me are loud and rude. They just found the perfect name for their new business.
I just bought the domain name.

I took the family out to eat at AppleBees. The lot was full and I saw a customer come out to leave so I waited for him to pull out and take the spot. Guy pulls out and a car full of young girls just pull in to my spot. You know the type. Well I rolled down my window and told them I was waiting for that space and the driver says "to bad, your name wasn't on it". I was livid but just waited for another space and went in and ate.
Girls were at the bar doing shots getting wasted. We enjoyed our meal and paid the waiter. I then asked the waiter if he wanted to make $20. I asked him to go up to the girls, 10 min after we left, and tell them they got a call from someone that said that they had keyed their car and that they should have parked somewhere else. I DID NOT KEY THE CAR.
I called him about an hour later to ask how it went. He said they all went nuts, screaming and shit and even called the police.
BONUS: Cops came and found no damage to car but noticed the girls were to damaged to drive. Cops left and circled back and watched the car. Girls come out, get in car, start the car, and the parking lot explodes in blue light. Busted! DUIs and PDs for all.
I did not know about the bonus till a week later when I went back for a few beers. The waiter recognized me and told me the bonus story, laughing the whole time. Another $20 to the waiter. Best $40 I ever spent.

This happened a while back, study hall in 8th grade actually. I always brought two small sandwiches to school so I could have one at lunch and one in study hall since our teacher let us eat in that class. One day as I was about to eat my Sandwich, I get up to use the bathroom. As I walk back in the classroom, I see the kid in front of me eating my sandwich. I was pretty annoyed but nothing serious at this point, so I confront him politely and he denies it completely. I left my sandwich on my desk the next day just to make sure it was him, and what do you know, it is. So on the third day, I hatched a plan. I put habanero cheese on my sandwich, and then doused it all in ghost pepper sauce. That shit was everywhere, but it luckily didn't smell spicy. I get to study hall and my plan works flawlessly. I leave my trap sandwich on my desk and get up to use the restroom. This time I take as long as I can, and end up wandering the halls of the school. I did this because my study hall teacher was anal about the hall pass, and only one guy was allowed to leave the class at a time, even for water. After about ten minutes I come back into the class to be greeted by the sandwich thief crying hysterically with a bright red face waiting for the hall pass. He was in the bathroom for the rest of the day.

My mom was a language teacher at my high school. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish, and had a week or so to prepare it, then had to perform it in front of the class. When she called for this group of guys to do theirs, they pretended that they already had, and she'd just forgotten. They refused to do it, insisting it was her fault she didn't take notes/scores down.

"She went in the next day and said, 'Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don't know how I forgot!' She went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, that their dialogue hadn't been as long as required, that they didn't include the necessary vocabulary, etc. All made up. She failed them all on the project and they couldn't do a thing about it without admitting they'd made it all up.

A while ago my email address was added to a mailing list for a church group located in the southern USA. It was a Gmail address and I naturally assume it was added in error.

I deleted the first few messages as there were not many. After a week or so the volume of email started to increase a lot as there events being organised and everyone was responding with reply all.

First off I sent an email to he address that seemed to belong to the organiser, the one who was initiating the email chains.

"hi, I am not part of your group. Please remove me from this email distribution list."

No response.

Over the next couple of days, as each new message arrives, I send another one.

No response.

So far I have only been sending to the leader.

Next day I send a reply all. (they are not sending the messages BCC, so I can see all the addresses)

Again, I am ignored. I try again, no response.

I am now receiving 10-20 of this crap a day. So I take the nuclear option.

As each message arrives, I reply all with porn images.

"since you won't remove me from the list here is my imput"

I start mild and crank it up. Stuff that makes gaotse look like a gentleman boner post.

I recieve outraged replies about this being a Christian Church group, I reply with something worse.

"I asked nicely for weeks to be removed and was ignored. So here is another fine picture for you. "

The email list disappeared from my inbox within 24 hours.

My HOA in KC MO bylaws stated that residents could only paint a house 7 colors, they provided the list. My next door neighbor painted her house a color not on HOA list. After a bitter court fight my neighbor lost. She was ordered by the court to repaint the house according to bylaws within 60 days. So my clever 75yro neighbor painted her house ALL SEVEN COLORS on the HOA approved list. With in 3 days HOA filed suite again - The court ruled in her favor stating she was in compliance with bylaw rules. The bylaws never stated that only one of the colors could be used. The HOA appealed not only dis she win, the HOA was ordered to pay her damages in the cost of painting and legal fees - The HOA dropped the 7 color rule -

I am driving to work a few months ago and getting close, I have two turns remaining until I turn into the building. It is just a few blocks away. All side streets, no highways involved. This guy behind me is in a black bmw, and he is on my ass the whole time. I see him checking his phone, then making angry faces at me and getting closer and closer. I speed up a bit, thinking it might calm him down. 5 over, nope. Anyway, I make the first turn, and am now on the street where my building is, maybe 600 yards up ahead. The asshole is still behind me, driving inches from behind me and obviously pissed that I am still going the speed limit, (maybe 35 on this street). So I speed up a bit and see he does the same.

I drive an eight year old Toyota truck, not one of the big huge ones, but not one of the small ones. I do have all terrain tires, and I have certainly driven through pastures, over rocks, popped a curb or 10 in my time. My suspension is in good shape and have no problem treating my decade old truck like a truck.

Well as I get closer to my building there is a large speed bump in the street, effectively to get people to slow down as they approach the parking garage entrances. I look back and see asshole still riding my bumper. I remember thinking to myself I need to slow down for this speed bump, and looking back and thinking, if I hit my brakes, this guy is going to hit me.. The plan takes shape in my mind and I speed up..

I am doing about 45 when I hit that speed bump, and yeehaw.. I did a bit of a jump and land, never once touching my brakes. Didn't even tap them. I gave him zero warning for what was about to happen.

I am watching my rear-view window intensely during this because I wanted to see his reaction. He was cradling his cell phone between his ear and shoulder when he hit. His hood bucked up behind me, then slams to the ground. I see him go flying out of his seat straight up. He slams his head on the roof of his bmw and his head rolls sideways from impact. Then he slams back into his seat violently. He has a total "wtf was that" look on his face as he grabs the wheel with both hands to recover.

... and yes, he slowed right the f*ck down after that.

So, this just happened and the woman is still shooting me dirty looks.

So, I decided that I wanted to go see The Martian today. I took the bus and ended up showing up 50 minutes early. So I was the only one in the theater for a good 25 minutes so I took my time picking out my ideal spot. I decided to go the bathroom before the movie so I didn't miss anything. On my way back with a soft pretzel in hand, I see the a woman with her kids and she's moving all of my stuff to a different seat so her and her kids can take my spot. I stomach it, grab my stuff and move to a different spot. While I'm sitting there eating my pretzel, I notice her and her kids all going to the bathroom. I seize the opportunity. I run, grab all their stuff, and move it to seats right in front of the entrance so they'll see it as soon they walk in. I then reclaim my rightful place in my perfect spot. The lady comes in, sees her stuff, looks at me, connects the dots, and now has been shooting the occasional death glance from the front row and every other spot filled up.

A couple of years ago I was in the gym and I overheard this guy (we'll call him "LT" for Lying Tool) "warning" a girl. He said something to the effect of:

"Hey, sorry to bother you. But I just overheard that guy in the red shirt (pointing at my friend who was across the gym) saying some extremely crass stuff about you in the locker room. It was really sexual and graphic, basically talking about ripping off your purple spandex and violating you in front of everyone. I couldn't just listen and not tell you because you deserve to know what certain people are really like."

Listing to this I was furious. This guy had obviously seen my friend and the girl talking in the gym (she approached him) and gotten jealous because he wanted to get with her. So he made up this lie to throw him under the bus. I know it was a lie because 1) I was just in the locker room and nothing of the sort was said and 2) the dude he was lying about was actually a really nice, respectful guy.

So he finished up his tall tale and before the girl could respond I scoffed really loud and said:

"She knows you're lying just to try to get in her pants. That guy would never say those kinds of things about her because she's his sister, you moron."

The look on LT's face was priceless. He went pale and stammered something about how he must have gotten the guy mixed up. But the girl (who had caught on and was playing along) pointed out how he had been very clear about pointing her "brother" out. So LT shifted his story again and said he must have gotten the girl he was talking about mixed up. So I pointed out that she was the only girl wearing purple spandex.

He actually looked like he was about to cry, and I never saw him in the gym again after that.

I was just walking back to my car from class and had to cross the professor’s parking lot to get to the student lot. I came across an older man getting into his car and I noticed that his large coffee cup is still on the roof of his car. I’ve done this before and really appreciate when someone tells me that I’m about to drive off with my drink on the roof. So why not pay it forward, right? -“Hey mister, you..” -[In the most condescending tone I have ever heard] “NO! It’s Doctor!!” -“Oh, sorry Doctor…nevermind” So I just stood there and watched as DOCTOR Asshole throws his camry in reverse, spilling his FULL cup of coffee all over his windshield and window. Dr Snarky flashes me a look that could only be a look of remorse mixed with anger. He probably realized that I was just trying to help but was pissed that I decided not to. He didn’t even get out of the car, he just sped off.

My (ex) boyfriend wanted to see a sold out show to the foo fighters this summer. Him and his friends failed desperately in getting their hands on any tickets. I, however, managed to snag 2. I waited until Christmas to give them to him and he was beyond excited. Jumping up and down excited. Fast forward 1.5 shitty months later and he dumped me 2 days before Valentines day after (literally) ignoring me for 3 weeks. The entire breakup blindsided me after 1.5 years together. I haven't talked to him since, but little does he know that I wasn't quite finished with him yet. My brother just so happens to be a huge foo fighters fan as well.....I logged into my ticket master account and suprise suprise, tickets can be transferred. So my brother is going to have the time of his life while my ex boyfriend gets turned around at doors. Sucks to suck.

When I was a waitress, if a middle aged woman was ever rude to me (they almost always were) I’d happily offer them the senior discount, 65 and above only. It felt so good to see their eyes bulge out of their sockets and their mouths drop open in shock.

My Finance professor was telling our class a story today about how back in 2008 he did taxes for three farmers in west Texas. He said that the three farmers kept going on and on about how much they hated Obama and hoped to God that he didn't get elected because they feared he would raise their taxes and that they "didn't think America needed a black president in office". Well when the three farmers gave my professor his check for doing their taxes, he donated three $500 checks to the United Negro College Fund in the farmer's names and all three farmers received thank you letters from the UNCF.

Years ago in my high school AP economics class I was assigned to sit in the corner of the room where I was flanked by a handful of very popular, very lazy kids. After every exam the teacher would announce (much to my chagrin) my "high score" to the class.
After a particularly challenging exam where I only scored 93%, the teacher announced that the guy to my right (let's call him Matt) had ALSO scored 93%, his friend behind him 90%, and the friend behind HIM 90%! Needless to say I vacillated between self-doubt and suspicion for a few days before I finally "congratulated" one of the 90%'ers on his score. With an impish grin he admitted that his friend Matt had been cheating off me for months and "thanked" me for helping "so many people do so well" in the class. The petty revenge gears started turning in my head for what seemed like ages before I replied "no problem, I'm just glad to help!"
At the next exam I put my my paper in very clear view of Matt. He had been told that I was now willing to "help" him and his friends. I circled all wrong answers while making a special mark for the correct ones. Just before the time was up, I quickly changed my answers back when nobody was looking, turned in my exam, and smugly walked back to my seat.
What I didn't know at the time was that the cheating conspiracy didn't just involve the kids sitting next to me, but that my answers were written down and forwarded to the next 4 periods, all of which took an identical test.
One week later a record 22 people failed the exam. Matt empathetically remarked "Oh man, Accidentally_Upvotes, did you fail too!?" I flipped over my sheet: 100%.
Nobody ever cheated off me in that class again.

You know the scam. Whine about perfectly good food to get some sort of comp.

In their old age, my parents befriended another older couple who would pull this stunt everywhere they went. After my mother told me a few stories about how their new friends had shown them how to get discounted or free meals, I felt like I was suddenly the responsible adult, concerned about the bad influence these people were on my parents.

While visiting my parents with my girlfriend, this other couple attended dinner with us. As I expected, the food was brought to the table and they immediately began dramatically complaining to one another about the quality/taste/temperature/etc. They were making a scene in order to attract the attention of the waitress. When our waitress returned to ask how we were doing, the miserable old bastard who played the lead role in their act took a deep breathe, struck a dramatic pose (with his hand raised to begin gesticulating for emphasis) and bega–I leaned forward and cut him off before he could finish the first word: “Everything is absolutely fantastic. It’s all great! Thank you very much!” She smiled, and began her obligatory “Great, well if you need any–” when he made a second attempt. “We come here all the time an–”. I didn’t acknowledge that he was speaking at all, repeated that all was just as we ordered and thank her again.

He was stunned and thrown off from his routine by my interruption. During this pause the waitress walked away (It seemed clear that she knew what they were trying to accomplish). He turned bright red. I turned to my girlfriend and, smiling and without lowering my voice, stated how pitiful it is that some people could be dishonest, deceitful and put at risk the livelihood of a cook, server or hostess for a pathetic discount or a free early-bird special. My passive-aggressive reverse-parenting broke my parents of the habit in short time.

After a concert today, I’m lined up to purchase merchandise, and the line is absolutely enormous. All of a sudden middle aged Stacy mom dragging a very embarrassed teen cuts in front of me and 150 other people. “Excuse me ma'am you cut in front of me and a lot of other people” she turns to me and says “mind your own business” I’m pissed but I’m also patient. The line progresses slowly for another 15 minutes until we get near the front then I call over a security guard and tell her she cut in front of the line, and a few others behind me verify this. She gets bounced towards the back of the line which is now like a 20 minute wait so she’s gotta wait double the time.