#1
I honestly should be over it now, 10 years later. She went to a good home. But I’m not. 🤷♀️.
#2
#3
To learn more about the grudges that people manage to cling onto for years, we reached out to Olivia Brouillette-Wardhono, Founder, Lead Psychologist and Integrative Somatic Practitioner at Therapy With Olivia. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss how healthy it is to hold onto anger like this.
"When we're talking about grudges, I think it can be good to start with what a grudge actually is and how serious of a grudge you are holding onto," Olivia shared. "For example, the first comment I saw from this post was about a friend eating both hashbrowns while going to ski hungover. In a situation like this, how serious is that grudge really? Are they still friends and hang out? Is it something that comes up in good humor?"
#4
One day i was walking my dog (he is big but super gentle and chill) and one of them just looked at my dog and asked me if he was a good boy and i said yes thinking he was going to pet him or something, he proceeded to try and slap and kick him and laughed. Obviously i blocked him from getting to my dog and started screaming at him, the other guys just laughed. My dog was crying and my neighbours saw all of this and told them off.
Three weeks passed and they started asking around the block about the things someone used to leave for them to collect since they would be much help for them and they haven't seen anything for them in a while. I was just walking out of my building and over heard them asking my concierge, so i said "It was me, i collected that for you guys, it stopped the second you tried to assault my dog and thought it was funny", they looked like their eyes where about to leave their socket. They apologised, i said nothing so they went with "look, it's just an animal we have kids we need those things" so i said "It took me about a week to collect and clean things for you guys each time i left them there, i did it anonymously because i was always taught that charity with a name it's called vanity. You should always be respectful and treat people well not only when is convenient to you also don't ever feel entitled to people's kindness." Turns out i was the only one who did this in the whole county we where in. My neighbours all saw what happened so they refused to give them anything as well.
I never collected anything for them ever again.
#5
#6
"If it's a good humor 'grudge' that all parties are aware of, are a part of, and agree are funny/silly, then a grudge can, in theory, benefit those relationships," the therapist explained. "It can show that you and your friends are on the same page, share similar senses of humor, and can make light of potentially difficult situations. However, when this is not the case (and most times it's not), grudges usually end up being more harmful and have little to no benefits in the long run."
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"A grudge can offer some beneficial ideas to us, such as signaling when we've been wrong, why that's happened; maybe a grudge even helps you reflect on your relationships and whether or not they're healthy for you to be in," Olivia noted. "It can also give us a sense of identity, a sense of purpose -- someone wronged you, you know they were wrong, you are rightfully angry, therefore you are just in your feelings and gives you purpose."
But holding onto a grudge isn't always productive. "It's when the grudges go on for a prolonged period of time, where you are the only one feeling the sense of 'wronged' or anger that you lose the healthy parts and begin to, essentially, torment yourself while the other person continues on blissfully unaware of your feelings," Olivia explained. "Any emotion up to a certain point is healthy and beneficial to you, but when you do not act on the emotion and only allow it to consume you, you miss the point of the emotion altogether."
#10
My Literature teacher has us make comics based on ancient Greek poems. My group got Iliad. We put a lot of research and effort in the assignment, only to lose points because the teacher was expecting to see the Trojan Horse (which does not appear in Iliad, but in Odyssey and Aeneid).
Sure, I took the synopsis out of Wikipedia, but it was properly sourced. I even did check the original poem to see if the horse is there - nothing.
Turns out my teacher was basing his view on Iliad on a stupid novelization that included the goddamn horse.
Oh, and this very same teacher is one to fall hook, line & sinker into whatever b******t people share on Facebook, and still has no qualms about question Wikipedia.
F**k you, José. F**k you very very much.
#11
It was 40 years ago.
#12
"Any negative emotion that is held onto for an extended period of time can be harmful, and holding onto a grudge is no different," Olivia shared. "When we hold onto a grudge for a prolonged period of time and make it part of our identity, we create a wall around ourselves from the kindness of others, especially the person (or people) who wronged you."
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"We can easily become consumed by our own hurt and pain that we can end up pushing people away and isolating ourselves," the therapist noted. "In fact, the longer we hold onto the grudge and the anger, we end up feeding our anger even more, becoming angrier and angrier, pushing people away, refusing to accept what's happened and move forward, and we can even morph what happened into a larger wrong that is completely unforgivable, when it may in fact be not having a hashbrown that you were excited about."
"Basically, the longer you hold onto a grudge, the angrier you will become, the less trusting of others you may feel, and all of that can create a perfect storm for loneliness and isolation," Olivia warns.
#16
#17
"We only hug pretty girls sorry".
He has been on my "on sight" list ever since I heard about it a decade ago. Especially since when she saw them, they were barely on anyone's radar and now they're pretty common knowledge.
Edit: Apparently the common question is who so...Theory Of A Deadman. I'm sure he's matured alot, but I'm not dropping the grudge.
Edit 2: well that's a lot of support! Thanks guys.
#18
There was a play at second base that was being disputed, whether the runner was safe or out. Of course, the guys on my team were saying out, the runner and the guys on the other team were saying he was safe.
So I quietly said that I thought he was out. Then a guy that was *on my team* said, " Nobody cares what you think. And nobody wants you here."
That was close to sixty years ago. I still remember that kid's name and can still hear him saying that .
When it comes to letting go of a grudge, Olivia says the first step is validating your emotions and understanding the why. "First and foremost, you are allowed to feel however you feel. You are allowed to be hurt and angry when someone does something to cause you pain," she noted. "Try your best to validate your emotions and allow them space to come up and out, then start asking yourself why. Why are you feeling so wronged? What did this other person do to cause this much pain? Why is that so hurtful for you?"
#19
#20
Now the same man literally researches the lowest energy lightbulbs because "Every little thing adds up".
Every little thing, but not that outdoor fridge that sat in direct sunlight in the scorching summer, huh? Not that appliance?
I will DIE with this grudge in my heart.